Prison penpals V

Still searching for the perfect correspondent. The latest prospects:

Kimela Trump (Engaging in organized crime)

What's a nice girl like me doing in a place like this? I'm a cute little princess and a bit of a tomboy. I grew up with ice skates on my feet and pom-poms in my hands. I love to jump around and shake things up. I'm 5 foot nothing, 110 pounds, long reddish brown hair, and the biggest blue eyes you've ever seen. I'm a country girl at heart who loves fireflies and front porch swings but also an adrenaline junkie with a wild side who loves loud music, fast cars, and a man with a sense of humor. I'm learning from my past, dealing with my present, and planning for my future. I'm looking for someone to talk to, learn from, and laugh with. I'm loyal and very outgoing. If you are looking for a little sparkle in your world, I'm right here.

Anybody who says she loves "to jump around and shake things up" is telling you she like to make trouble. And any self-professed "adrenaline junkie" basically is trouble, squared. 

An adrenaline junkie is someone who gets bored easily, and needs far more stimulation than most to get her motor running. She might be fun for an evening or two, but her need for thrills would quickly pall. 

I was curious exactly what form of "organized crime" Kimela could have participated in, so I looked her up. 

Turns out that she was the girlfriend of David Maynard, the leader of the Aryan Brotherhood ofTexas. Maynard had asked one Shawn Forrest, a fellow gang member, to transport a load of methamphetamine for him, and Forrest had refused. Maynard wanted to Forrest killed, so one morning Trump and three other gang members, all high on meth, drove over to Forrest's apartment. Trump testified that the three others fired at Forrest's red Mazda and then fled. Forrest then drove towards her (she was alone in a white pickup truck) and pursued her in a high speed chase down the highway until they were eventually stopped by a police roadblock.

That must be what Trump is referring to when she says she likes fast cars. (She also says she likes "a man with a sense of humor," but evidently Forrest didn't have much of a sense of humor about being shot at.)

Even at "five foot nothing, 110 pounds," that "cute little princess" is too much woman for me.

Peggy Taylor (Assault)

I'm hard to describe, "BUTT" better to experience. I have "baggage", (as you can see) and I want you to know what's in every single piece of it!!! Including this: sexy smile, sexy talk, sexy kisses, sexy walk, sexy brain, sexy heart, sexy every little part.

Cum experience the ride. I am the cure for what Viagra is trying to fix! I do have a "Ballsy-type" confidence that allows me to take life by the tail, and go… Well-everywhere!

Much as I would like to "cum experience the ride," I actually prefer women who are, well, a tad more demure.

I was, however, dying to know the details of Peggy's crime, so looked her up and found this barebones description. She evidently committed a sexual assault in 2000, followed by an aggravated assault in 2007. I scoured the internet, but could find no details about the sexual assault. (Hard to imagine a sweet little thing like that being aggressive about sex.)

Peggy will probably get some replies to her ad, if not from me. No percentage in being shy, I guess. 

Tammy Wilson (Homicide)

I'm looking to correspond with those of you that have a compassionate soul. I've been on the inside for almost 20 years and I've learned the most precious things in life are the simplest. My greatest masterpiece of this world are my children. Even though I haven't been a part of their life I love them ~ think about them every day and hope on day to at least meet them.

I had hoped to open a shelter for women that had no place to go however Parole regulations won't allow that. So after much thought and soul searching with my friend . . . I've decided to help start a scholarship fund to help the children on incarcerate women start their first year of college. It took me 20 years to get my college degree ~ a goal I thought was hopeless. 

If this letter has touched you in anyway, and you feel you'd like to know more about me and my plans for the future . . .Please write.

What a nice woman! And what good values Tammy has! She knows that the most precious things in life are the simplest. She loves her children, and thinks about them every day. And she is so noble, wanting to open up that shelter, and now starting that fund....

Tammy's parole hearing, however, painted a slightly different picture. Turns out she was the mastermind of a plot to kill a man in West Virginia in order to take over his two businesses. Tammy convinced Roger Cline, who was later found to be mentally disabled, to shoot Tod McQuaid. After Tammy drugged McQuaid, Cline shot him twice. Tammy then examined McQuaid and told Cline to shoot McQuaid again from a closer distance, and not miss, otherwise she would shoot Cline and then his family.

If that story has touched you in any way, and you feel you'd like to influence Tammy and her plans for the future....please write her parole board.

Anesha Wise (white collar crime)

Anesha is an inmate at the Central California Women's Facility in Chowchilla, California. She lists her birth date as 1974, her release date as 2013, and her race as Caucasian. She also lists her measurements at an unlikely 34D - 20 - 34, her weight at 110, and says she has long blonde hair, despite the evidence of the photo above. 

But when I Googled Anesha to find out exactly what her white collar crime was, I found another ad for yet another Anesha Wise, with the following picture: 

This Anesha, too, is an inmate at the Central California Women's Facility in Chowchilla, California, and also has a release date of 2013. Not only that, her ad states that she is incarcerated for "white collar crime." 

What an amazing coincidence -- two different inmates, with the same name, same crime, and same release date, at the same prison. There were some minor differences, however: the black Anesha lists her birth date as 1978, and lists her measurements as 38C - 24 - 34 and her weight at 140. (You be the judge of that hip measurement.) 

Were I a more suspicious type, I might think that someone was trying to perpetrate a scam -- if not quite a white collar one. But I prefer to take a less cynical view of the world, so am quite happy to believe that there are two Anesha's residing at the same facility. 

I wonder if they're friends. Imagine their surprise when they discovered each other. It must have been a little like that scene in The Parent Trap, when those twins each find out about the existence of the other.

I'm not sure which Anesha to write, and I certainly wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of whichever one I didn't write. So I'm going to solve my dilemna by writing neither.

In fact, maybe it's time I gave up on my search for a penpal on these prison websites entirely.