All Aboard!! Leaving Now for Crazy Town!

This is where it's gonna get uncomfortable for me.  From here on in, this story won't be about Richard's repugnant behavior.  It's gonna be a confessional, of sorts.  This is the pivotal point in my story that I'm sure will alienate many of my readers.
For the record, I will miss you.

A HUGE disclaimer is required here: Please don't do what I did!!  Please let the bitch-whore go!  My behavior made everything worse.  Not once did I feel better while touring Crazy Town.

Many days of 2011 brought me right to the edge of Crazy Town.  I mean, RIGHT to the edge, with my toe dipped in the icy water of the massive moat that surrounds Crazy Town.  Some days I dove right in and swam, full speed, like Michael Phelps, across the muddy moat with complete disregard of the potentially disastrous consequences waiting on the other side.

I am very grateful that I was only a frequent visitor in Crazy Town and although I got to know the local turf pretty well, I never became a permanent resident.  I must thank Dr. N with his magical bag of pharmaceuticals that calmed the rapid firing defective neurons in my brain and the lovely Dr. K for the hours she spent in a most sincere effort to shove a much needed reality check down my throat.

My level of crazy fluctuated from day to day.  Sometimes there was a trigger that propelled me deeper into the danger zone, but often I just woke up from a fitful sleep feeling nutso.
I beg a bit of compassion here.  Please remember, when I acted out, when I did some of the things I'm going to confess, I didn't think I was out of line at all.  Mostly, I was just so angry!  In a few fleeting moments when anguish replaced anger, I realized my behavior was not normal and often over the top, but that didn't mean I had the self control to throw on the brakes.

January 27th, 2011, was one of the mornings I woke up on the wrong side of sane.  I had already sent an email to Jaymie offering to trade the rest of the cash she had agreed to return to me for the ALL of the emails she shared with Richard.  She did not respond to my offer.  Being ignored was a HUGE trigger!  I sent this to Jaymie & her Daddy.

I would appreciate a response regarding my offer.  I want the emails or the money ASAP.   If you can afford to send the entire $400 in one check, we can avoid these emails in the future. If there are financial issues, let me know.  I'm sure we can work something out as I still want the emails.  A final note for Jaymie:  I am not at all surprised that you are having your father deal with the consequences of your poor choices.  Obviously, you are still too immature to handle such adult matters on your own.  You have a very tolerant father.  When our children reach your age, they will be responsible for cleaning up their own messes.  Jim:  If the check isn't at my store tomorrow, I will email you again.
 `shawn`
That got James in a snit!  I'm not sure which lit the bonfires of Crazy Town more...being ignored or being challenged like I was when I got this:


Please do not commentate on my family… you have enough troubles of your own.
Had it not been for a predatory person like your husband – this conversation will never take place.  You also have a strong personality (one that I am not afraid or intimidated of) – you can take your anger, bitterness, and attention elsewhere.
Go heal your own home and leave my family alone.
I will not respond to any of your conversations anymore. This is done. 
                   Jim 

Jim had no way of knowing he was throwing fuel on the bonfire!  I shot back:

                   
You don't get to dictate to me, but I understand your frustration.  Until I find complete closure, Richard AND Jaymie will deal with me.
They both owe me the opportunity to understand what happened and why.  
I am tending to my own issues, but you seem to forget your daughter's hand in the affair.  Choices were made.
Jaymie needs to own those choices.  You referred to Richard as a "predatory person".  Please....it's not like Jaymie is 12, for God's sake.
Far be it from me to defend him, but get a grip on reality.  Your daughter is no saint in this.
                            
`shawn` 

James didn't respond.  It seems he was a quick study and he learned right off that engaging me meant enraging me.  I was very angry as I typed my last response to him.  That anger simmered over the bonfire all day and night.  The next day, it boiled over big time.  I paraded my ass down the Main Street of Crazy Town on a huge, freakin' float!!  The parade ended in Richard's office.