Tour de Trauma

The end of 2010 was quickly approaching.  I dreamed of a fresh start in the new year, but I truly had no idea what that start would look like.  Sure, in our sessions with the lovely Dr. K my stance was abundantly clear...Richard needs to leave.  To find my way, to begin to process all the trauma, I must be on my own.

Imagine Richard's confusion...
Inhale & demand he start packing.  Profess nothing but disdain for him and his betrayal.
Exhale & wrap him up in me for hours of passionate love making while declaring I will love him always.  Yea...I was seriously mental.
My emotions were convoluted at best.  Richard only wanted to make me better, make my pain disappear.  I think he would have done anything I asked if I told him it would make me happy again.
He was all about atonement.

That gave me ANOTHER idea. (I was just over-flowing with ideas!  Most of them bad.) I told Richard I wanted to go on a tour of sorts.   I guided tour of "Places Richard Spent Time with Jaymie, the Bitch- Whore."  We'll just call it a date night.  Visit scenes of the crimes.  Soak up the ambiance of the places my husband romanced the skinny assed skank.  Doesn't that sound like LOADS of fun??
Maybe...if you're a masochist!  I guess I kind of was.

Because my man aimed to please, he agreed to my request.  Like I said, he may have been willing to gnaw off his arm to make me happy at this point.  I'll bet he would have preferred the taste of his own flesh to the night I had planned.

I knew about numerous locals they frequented during the affair.  They had walked, hand in hand, all around the hotel at Barona Casino after cocktails and coitus in their room.  They had enjoyed a shopping trip at Fashion Valley Mall.  Made purchases at Nordstrom and Victoria's Secret, apparently not concerned about strolling together in public.  Then, there was Jaymie's favorite rendezvous spot, doggie beach in Coronado.  She had a new puppy and as most little girls would, she wanted to spend lots of time spoiling her precious beast.

I chose to go to two other spots on the Tour de Trauma.
First:  Krakatoa Cafe in the Golden Hills section of San Diego.  Coffee, smoothies, sandwiches and Wifi.  What more does a young co-ed need?  Richard said he spent hours there with Jaymie, just holding hands and talking.  Don't you think the other 20-something patrons cringed a little seeing Jaymie cuddling up with my 60 year old husband??  It sure would creep me out!
We only spent a few minutes in there.  It was a dark little place, hidden in lots of shade trees.  Much too bohemian for my taste.  I walked around inside, paced the patio and headed back to our car.
Move on folks...nothing to see here.

Second: A vacation spot much more my speed, the Lowe's Coronado Resort.  This was where Richard had surprised Jaymie with an afternoon of jet-skiing, followed by lunch and a massage.  We walked to the dock where they had rented the jet ski.  We went inside the spa and took a fast peek at the pool.  Had a quick drink at the bar in the lobby. (by then, we both needed one real bad!) Then, back to the valet and into Richard's car.  Even his car was contaminated.  I knew Jaymie's sweating ass had been in that passenger seat many times.  I should have made him trade that car in or sterilize it at the very least before my butt had to touch the same leather as hers.
So much in my life had been corrupted.  Where would it end?

Maybe at the Hotel del Coronado.  Sitting on the beach watching the sunset.  That was our next stop.  I wanted to go there because, as far as I knew, he had never taken her there.
I couldn't tell you for certain what I had hoped to gain from this journey into infidelity memory lane.  I can only guess.  I think I was steeling my resolve.  I think I wanted Richard to have as much understanding as he possibly could about how my world was altered by his choices.  How he debased our marriage.
Probably, a lot of this was just to make him squirm with guilt.  Torture him for a few hours before I came in for the kill watching the beautiful, serene sunset over the Pacific, drinking a wonderful chardonnay.
Staring deeply into his eyes, with my hand on his knee...
"Richard, I want a divorce."
Take that, you cheating bastard.