DIY Coral Velvet Bed

I finished reupholstering our old bed frame right before we moved out of the loft, and I still really love it.

Remember how I was trying to figure out what fabric to use? I thought a lot about the color...

I was leaning toward this pretty silk velvet from Kravet, but it was pricey (like, very pricey), but I loved the color and sheen.

Then I stumbled across this really pretty cotton velvet when we were in Arizona this summer, for only $13 a yard at Home Fabrics in Mesa. I bought six yards and had to carry it on with me on the plane right home -- it was so heavy! (and I had too many Last Chance finds stuffed in my suitcase)

I used this basic approach to the upholstery process after pulling off the old fabric, but I actually removed some of the footboard so that it would be easy to climb over in our small room. I also used the same nailhead trim roll. This time, after tapping in the nailhead strips, I quickly colored over the nailheads with my gold leaf pen. (see how bright the bottom few are here?) The key is to not color too perfectly. A messy job looks more real.

I'm in love with how low the head and footboards are - it feels more modern to me. The top of the headboard is about 38" high. It's nice because my head sort of rests on the top edge when I'm reading in bed and my back can be supported by the euros and standard shams. It's really comfortable.

And, hey, do you recognize the pillow fabric? I wish I had a 100 yards of that vintage stripe.

PS In case you are struggling with the corners of a piece like this, I did the reverse approach I shared in this project. Corner strip first, edge pieces last.

PPS More photos of how this bed used to look a couple years ago HERE (including a folding screen DIY)

Post-Sandy Report

Finding this lovely photo on my phone was a surprise. I think Grace was impressed with the gorgeous sunset and felt the need to document it. :) 

Hi friends! The hurricane blew through here, and we're still safe. Things have been a little crazy as you can imagine. We are housing out-of-town guests as wells as family who were evacuated from the flood zones in Manhattan, so at least we have lots of great company at the brownstone! It's looking like it will be several more days before the city will be up and running again. I'm hoping we'll have internet tomorrow though and I'll be back to posting like regular.

How did you fellow east-coasters fare? It's been heart-breaking to see so much destruction to our friends homes and apartment buildings. We're feeling lucky nothing major happened to us. 

Accept Your Absolute Perfection

"Time to raise to the Higher Frequency"

Just what are we talking about here?

On one level, 
and in very concise terms
we could say,
The key is that we
switch from being
One     In     Many
One    With     ALL  .

Accept Our Light.


Got a Blockage?

Breathe into It..

Let Light Illuminate all the darkened places.
Let it Flow over
the Fear and the Guilt
and the Pain and the Anger.

And rejoice in their Illumination..
And set them Free.

It's time to 

Accept your Absolute Perfection.  



You Can't Scare Me

Halloween!  Time for all things spooky, scary, frightening and morbid!'s gonna take more than a rotting zombie, a blood sucking vampire or puke spewing possessed little girl with her head on backwards to phase me!
I'm hard core.  I'm a betrayed wife.

You can't scare me with mere decapitations or amputations executed by a lunatic in a battered hockey mask wielding a rusted machete.  I scoff at flying limbs.
Bring on the most antagonistic poltergeist!  Apparitions combined with lightening, fog, rattling chains and eerie organ music will never give me pause.
I survived infidelity.  I think I can handle lizard like aliens leaping out of intestinal tracts.

BEWARE!!!  I'm gonna share a REAL scary picture with you.  It was taken 10/31/10.
This poor woman had been transformed by mental torture so severe, only 2 short weeks after her heart had been ripped from her chest, she was totally brainwashed into believing Richard, the Liar, her husband that pledged to love her and only her forever.  Wicked Richard, the Liar, told her there were no more secrets, no more shocking revelations to cause her additional agony.  The Liar spun his tale of confession.  The story was that he had shared everything about his affair with a scrawny evil witch named Jaymie and he was beyond remorseful.
In her delusional state, she had come to nearly worship the man that cut out her heart.  Note how in her fool's paradise of denial she clings to the dastardly and deceptive victimizer, smiling all the while!
Shocking!  Alarming! The most outrageous scene in 30 years of marriage!

                                              OH,  THE  HUMANITY!

Are you scared yet??  Are you shaking uncontrollably??  You should be HORRIFIED!!

Not to worry, she cast off the bondage of delusional thought when she found the hidden letters that revealed Richard was truly in love with the evil witch.  She grew stronger through her discovery and waged a great war against Richard the Liar.  Although she was admittedly, stark raving mad for over a year, she persevered and is now firmly on the path to happy ever after.

Now you know why I'll never be scared by anything Freddy Krueger can dish out.
Happy Halloween, my frightful fiends!!
I hope you are gifted with far more Treats than Tricks!

Waitin' for Sandy

Sitting here, waiting for the hurricane, with everything on the East Coast closed down, the whole place has a little bit of a last-days-of-Pompeii feel to it.

The wonderful thing about an event like this is that it brings everyone's personality out in full bloom. The people you would expect to do so are running around preparing for the Apocalypse, while others are more nonchalant.

Even the politicians, like characters in a well-written screenplay, are all behaving completely in character.

Governor Christie of New Jersey told residents of his state, "Don't be stupid" (i.e., evacuate if you live on the coast).

The only thing more Christie-like he could have said is, "Stop being such a bunch of goddamn morons!"

New York City Mayor Bloomberg delivered a ten minute speech in a nasal monotone, droning on to residents about all the precautions they should take.

The only thing more Bloomberg-like would have been to go on for another fifteen minutes.

And President Obama read from a Teleprompter about how the federal government was "working effectively" with state and local governments to, essentially, save us all.

The only thing more Obama-like would have been to claim that the hurricane was all Bush's fault.

After Sandy passes, expect everyone to continue acting in character.

Fall Festivities

{Jacket: Banana Republic, Shirt: Crewcuts, Corduroys: Jcrew, Belt: Jcrew, Boots: LEI}

Hubby and I helped at our school's Fall Festival on Saturday evening. We had prayed for the rain to hold off (and it did!); however, the fierce wind that replaced it was chill-y! I was thankful for my layers and the other jacket I had with me. 

Yesterday, Hubby and I had our longest run for our marathon training program. We ran 20 miles and are definitely feeling it today. I felt like I was suiting up for battle with my compression socks, iPod armband, Camelback water pack, Gu drops, etc. It is hard to believe that 13 weeks ago I was only running 3-5 miles max at a time. That is one thing I love about doing training programs - the discipline and structure always produce results!

The Paperboy

Ignored the critics, who gave The Paperboy only a 38% positive rating on, and saw it last night. It was entertaining, which is all one should ever ask of a movie.

A critic's #1 job is to show how intelligent he is. His #2 job is to show how refined his sensibilities are. And his #3 job is to show how cleverly cutting he can be.

(As the writer of this review, I plead guilty to all of the above.)

In any case, letting you know whether you'd actually enjoy the movie doesn't even make most critics' lists.

The operative word for the movie is "steamy." It's a film noir set in late 60's Florida, with all the social commentary on that time and place you'd expect from a movie made by Hollywood in 2012.

Nicole Kidman vamps it up as a sultry siren with a fixation on men in prison. She seems to enjoy playing cheap, which she does well. The only problem was that at 5' 11" she towers over most of the men who are supposed to be lusting after her. (She had this same problem while playing the role of Tom Cruise's wife.)

Zac Efron does a solid job as a former college swimming champion who is the son of a local newspaper publisher. Efron is about eye level with Kidman's breasts, which might explain his character's fixation on her. But Efron did bring to mind a cardinal Hollywood rule, which is to hide your gayness if you want to be considered for romantic leading roles. Also, when Efron enters the water and takes a few strokes, it's painfully obvious he was never a swimmer, though I doubt most moviegoers would be as bothered by this quibble as I was.

Matthew McConaughey played Efron's older brother, a Miami reporter who come to town to investigate whether a local man convicted of murder is in fact guilty. I've also heard that McConaughey is gay, but coincidentally, so is his character here. That knowledge actually seemed to enhance his credibility in the role, not sure why. I've never mistaken Arnold Schwarzenegger for an actual tough guy, yet that's never bothered me while watching him play a role. But knowing about an actor's sexuality is somehow more distracting.

The Efron-sized David Oyelowo did a good job as the reporter who is McConaughey's reporting partner from Miami. (He may have been cast so that it seemed credible that Efron could beat him in a fight.) It's to the moviemaker's credit that they didn't make Oyelowo's character too noble, as moviemakers tended to do with the vast majority of black characters until quite recently.

John Cusack is excellent as the convict, though he may not be quite masculine enough. A guy who can come in his pants without even touching himself is a guy with a lot of male hormones, and the baby-faced Cusack, no matter how disheveled and profane, just doesn't look like that guy. (Now there's a role for Schwarzenegger -- except Arnold wouldn't have had the acting chops to pull it off.)

Anyway, some of what the critics said was true. The Southern gothic aspects do verge on camp. The accents aren't quite right. The movie does condescend to its characters. And it's awfully tawdry.

But none of that detracts from the fun, and some of it actually adds to it.

Ted Kaczinski

For a long time, the Unabomber was a figure of terror, mailing bombs to a seemingly random assortment of people. When Ted Kaczinski was finally caught, he seemed, as is so often the case with serial killers, a strangely pathetic figure.

He lived alone in a cabin in Montana and having $33 in his bank account. And rather than the somewhat dashing-looking police sketch of him, he turned out to look like your average homeless guy:

He has been described as a Luddite, who railed against our industrial society; somehow this seemed a fitting cause for him. It was my impression at the time that he was probably a paranoid schizophrenic, although I didn't look all that closely.

It turned out that he had gone to Harvard, and had been some sort of math genius early in his life, with a tested IQ of 167, before he dropped out of society. He had also spent two years as an associate professor of mathematics at Berkeley

When he was caught, many news reports mentioned his 35,000 word manifesto, but it never once occurred to me to read it: why bother looking at the ravings of a madman?

Not to mention that his crimes were so despicable, so cowardly, and so destructive, that he didn't deserve to have his manifesto read.

But someone told me the other day that he had taken a look, and he read me a brief excerpt. The portion he read me made sense, so, curious to see what the freak had written, I took a look for myself. It's certainly easy enough to find on the internet.

It turns out that the first part of his manifesto (all I've read so far) is an analysis of leftism. I don't agree with the analysis in its entirety (then again, I don't agree with anybody on everything). But parts of it are actually brilliant, with insights I'd never heard before. An excerpt:

Almost everyone will agree that we live in a deeply troubled society. One of the most widespread manifestations of the craziness of our world is leftism, so a discussion of the psychology of leftism can serve as an introduction to the discussion of the problems of modern society in general. But what is leftism? During the first half of the 20th century leftism could have been practically identified with socialism. Today the movement is fragmented and it is not clear who can properly be called a leftist. When we speak of leftists in this article we have in mind mainly socialists, collectivists, "politically correct" types, feminists, gay and disability activists, animal rights activists and the like. But not everyone who is associated with one of these movements is a leftist. What we are trying to get at in discussing leftism is not so much a movement or an ideology as a psychological type, or rather a collection of related types.


By "feelings of inferiority" we mean not only inferiority feelings in the strictest sense but a whole spectrum of related traits: low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, depressive tendencies, defeatism, guilt, self-hatred, etc. We argue that modern leftists tend to have such feelings (possibly more or less repressed) and that these feelings are decisive in determining the direction of modern leftism.

When someone interprets as derogatory almost anything that is said about him (or about groups with whom he identifies) we conclude that he has inferiority feelings or low self-esteem. This tendency is pronounced among minority rights advocates, whether or not they belong to the minority groups whose rights they defend. They are hypersensitive about the words used to designate minorities. The terms "negro," "oriental," "handicapped" or "chick" for an African, an Asian, a disabled person or a woman originally had no derogatory connotation. "Broad" and "chick" were merely the feminine equivalents of "guy," "dude" or "fellow." The negative connotations have been attached to these terms by the activists themselves. Some animal rights advocates have gone so far as to reject the word "pet" and insist on its replacement by "animal companion." Leftist anthropologists go to great lengths to avoid saying anything about primitive peoples that could conceivably be interpreted as negative. They want to replace the word "primitive" by "nonliterate." They seem almost paranoid about anything that might suggest that any primitive culture is inferior to our own. (We do not mean to imply that primitive cultures ARE inferior to ours. We merely point out the hypersensitivity of leftish anthropologists.)

Those who are most sensitive about "politically incorrect" terminology are not the average black ghetto-dweller, Asian immigrant, abused woman or disabled person, but a minority of activists, many of whom do not even belong to any "oppressed" group but come from privileged strata of society. Political correctness has its stronghold among university professors, who have secure employment with comfortable salaries, and the majority of whom are heterosexual, white males from middle-class families.

Many leftists have an intense identification with the problems of groups that have an image of being weak (women), defeated (American Indians), repellent (homosexuals), or otherwise inferior. The leftists themselves feel that these groups are inferior. They would never admit it to themselves that they have such feelings, but it is precisely because they do see these groups as inferior that they identify with their problems. (We do not suggest that women, Indians, etc., ARE inferior; we are only making a point about leftist psychology). 

Feminists are desperately anxious to prove that women are as strong as capable as men. Clearly they are nagged by a fear that women may NOT be as strong and as capable as men. 

Leftists tend to hate anything that has an image of being strong, good and successful. They hate America, they hate Western civilization, they hate white males, they hate rationality. The reasons that leftists give for hating the West, etc. clearly do not correspond with their real motives. They SAY they hate the West because it is warlike, imperialistic, sexist, ethnocentric and so forth, but where these same faults appear in socialist countries or in primitive cultures, the leftist finds excuses for them, or at best he GRUDGINGLY admits that they exist; whereas he ENTHUSIASTICALLY points out (and often greatly exaggerates) these faults where they appear in Western civilization. Thus it is clear that these faults are not the leftist's real motive for hating America and the West. He hates America and the West because they are strong and successful. 

Words like "self-confidence," "self-reliance," "initiative", "enterprise," "optimism," etc. play little role in the liberal and leftist vocabulary. The leftist is anti-individualistic, pro-collectivist. He wants society to solve everyone's needs for them, take care of them. He is not the sort of person who has an inner sense of confidence in his own ability to solve his own problems and satisfy his own needs. The leftist is antagonistic to the concept of competition because, deep inside, he feels like a loser....

Modern leftist philosophers tend to dismiss reason, science, objective reality and to insist that everything is culturally relative. It is true that one can ask serious questions about the foundations of scientific knowledge and about how, if at all, the concept of objective reality can be defined. But it is obvious that modern leftist philosophers are not simply cool-headed logicians systematically analyzing the foundations of knowledge. They are deeply involved emotionally in their attack on truth and reality. They attack these concepts because of their own psychological needs. For one thing, their attack is an outlet for hostility, and, to the extent that it is successful, it satisfies the drive for power. More importantly, the leftist hates science and rationality because they classify certain beliefs as true (i.e., successful, superior) and other beliefs as false (i.e. failed, inferior). The leftist's feelings of inferiority run so deep that he cannot tolerate any classification of some things as successful or superior and other things as failed or inferior. This also underlies the rejection by many leftists of the concept of mental illness and of the utility of IQ tests. Leftists are antagonistic to genetic explanations of human abilities or behavior because such explanations tend to make some persons appear superior or inferior to others. Leftists prefer to give society the credit or blame for an individual's ability or lack of it. Thus if a person is "inferior" it is not his fault, but society's, because he has not been brought up properly.

[The leftist's] feelings of inferiority are so ingrained that he cannot conceive of himself as individually strong and valuable. Hence the collectivism of the leftist. He can feel strong only as a member of a large organization or a mass movement with which he identifies himself.... 

Leftists may claim that their activism is motivated by compassion or by moral principle, and moral principle does play a role for the leftist of the oversocialized type. But compassion and moral principle cannot be the main motives for leftist activism. Hostility is too prominent a component of leftist behavior; so is the drive for power. Moreover, much leftist behavior is not rationally calculated to be of benefit to the people whom the leftists claim to be trying to help. For example, if one believes that affirmative action is good for black people, does it make sense to demand affirmative action in hostile or dogmatic terms? Obviously it would be more productive to take a diplomatic and conciliatory approach that would make at least verbal and symbolic concessions to white people who think that affirmative action discriminates against them. But leftist activists do not take such an approach because it would not satisfy their emotional needs. Helping black people is not their real goal. Instead, race problems serve as an excuse for them to express their own hostility and frustrated need for power. In doing so they actually harm black people, because the activists' hostile attitude toward the white majority tends to intensify race hatred. 

If our society had no social problems at all, the leftists would have to INVENT problems in order to provide themselves with an excuse for making a fuss. 

We emphasize that the foregoing does not pretend to be an accurate description of everyone who might be considered a leftist. It is only a rough indication of a general tendency of leftism.

That is actually an insightful description of why some -- not all -- people become leftists. And this first part of the manifesto itself is actually Exhibit A for why we should judge arguments on their own merits, not on the merits of the arguer.

20x200 Give Away - Six More Winners!

I realized I had been putting off hanging art in our living room for weeks and weeks because I wanted the gallery wall in there to be perfect. But this month, we've have a ton of house guests, so it pushed me to hang some art sooner. It never ceases to amaze me how hanging art makes a home feel personal and alive.

I like how the line of the staircase breaks up the arrangement. Those stairs are not cute to me (more on that later - ugh), so I feel like this is a making lemons out of lemonade sort of thing. 

These are my favorites from 20x200 (who is offering up SIX gift certificates today!). I've got my eye on a few of these below. They are available in several different sizes, so I'm thinking about an over-sized print for another wall in the living room (which I think would help balance the gallery wall).

This one might be my favorite of the bunch here.

I always liked this book series, but I recently noticed one of the prints hanging in the 5th Ave. J. Crew, and the colors and the texture are unbelievable in person. Definitely on my wish list now.

I'm intrigued by everything Iceland has to offer. HERE

Oh, the colors! HERE

I'm picturing this blown up very large with a simple black or oxblood red frame. HERE.

Oh, Christian Chaize, I just can't quit you.

A little geometry helps to break up any gallery wall. HERE.

Horses are such lovely, emotional creatures. Don't you agree they make for amazing art subjects?

I buy fabric on this street almost every week. HERE

I love how pretty these balloons look in the morning light, but also I feel like they probably saw some stuff go down the night before, yeah? HERE.

This prettymap series is clever. Is your city available?

I like how this print is sweet, but the double image keeps it from going into precious territory.

I can't put my finger on why this one is so arresting for me. HERE.

This artist photographs images, prints them out and manipulates them to create a new image and photographs the result. So cool.

I grew up in a place where fog didn't really happen, so every time I come across a mist in the morning, I can't help but be fascinated. It's so dreamlike. HERE.

The 20x200 site is jam-packed full of lovely, thoughtfully curated art prints. With the holidays right around the corner, I know I'll be doing a little shopping for friends and family. I love that I have so many price options since most of the 8x10 sized prints start around $20.

If you'd like a chance to win the $200 gift certificate or one of the five $20 gift certificates, please look a little around their site, choose your favorites, and leave a comment with a links on this post.

Contest closes Friday, November 2 at midnight. The winners will be chosen randomly and emailed - so please be sure to sign in or leave your contact info in the comment. Good luck! 

Vintage Lounge Chairs

My sister's in town and I was so happy to have her company for a last minute working road trip. We stopped to do some antiquing - and look what I found today!

These vintage wire lounge chairs have so much potential and they were a steal. I'm so glad I switched my balcony plans at the last minute and went with these Blu Dot chairs for around the table. These loungers will sit in a pair on the other end of the balcony. Maybe the faux bois side table between them?

I'm not a fan of the ecru paint color. It's chipping and rusted over a bit anyway, so I'm thinking I'll strip these down and see what I've got to work with. I'm sort of hoping I can leave the metal unpainted. (maybe just sealed to prevent rusting?).

I'm already brainstorming cushion designs. I have a really fun one in mind. I just need to do a little research on the type of foam/fill I need to buy for outdoor use. Have you ever made your own outdoor cushions?

"The 16 Smartest People on Earth"

Yahoo posted an article this morning about the 16 people with the highest officially tested IQs.

These are obviously not the 16 smartest people on the planet, but merely people who have devoted a fair amount of time to taking IQ tests. Most are at least somewhat accomplished, but none in ways that would have made them famous. It's their test scores which have led to this publicity.

At the same time, there's no doubt that all 16 are highly intelligent.

The first thing that struck me was that there isn't a single woman on the list. The second thing was, no non-Asian minorities.

A little surprising that Yahoo, which leans liberal, ran this article.

Addendum, 10/27/12: Just did the math. Fifteen IQ points represent one standard deviation on either side of the average score of 100 (that score was normed for whites, but let's ignore that for the moment). This means that roughly 70% of the population falls within one standard deviation on either side of that, 95% within two standard deviations, 99.7% within three, and 99.99% within four, and 99.99994267% within five. (According to Wikipedia.) This would mean that you would find roughly one in a million people outside 4.89 standard deviations. Given that the IQ distribution is a normal distribution, and assuming that only half of that one in a million fraction ranks above (as opposed to that far below) the norm (although I'm not positive it works that way on the underside of the average), that would still mean that roughly one in every two million people are at 172 or above (which is approximately 4.8 standard deviations above the norm) in IQ. Given that we live in a world of seven billion, the 1/2,000,000 fraction should mean that there are approximately 3500 people in the world at 172 or above. (I guess the other 3484 had better -- or worse -- things to do than take IQ tests.)

I point this out just so that none of these 16 think they're quite that special. (And actually, those last five guys on the Yahoo list who checked in at 169 to 171 wouldn't even make the top 3500.) 

New Balcony Chairs from Fab

Good news! I am working on a zinc table DIY for our balcony that I'm really excited about. Since I'm saving about $500 on that project, I felt okay about spending a little more on chairs.

I had plans to buy four vintage Bertoia chairs (or this new version), but it's true they aren't the most comfortable chairs out there (especially without the chair pads). So I decided to nix the idea, mostly because I thought something more on the solid side would look better with the tumbling block floor pattern.

I've always loved Blu Dot furniture (Jenna Lyons' pink desk is such a favorite.) And while I might have not picked these chairs on their own, the modern lines mix so well with traditional and other vintage styles. I can't wait to pair them with my zinc table.

Fab had the Blue Dot chairs on sale for about the same price as the Bertoia knock-offs I had been considering before. One of my friends has these on her balcony and they made for a very comfortable long dinner party. And of course, I'm crazy over the red color (though they come in other colors too if you're looking for something similar).

Even though I purchased the chairs myself, Fab is a sponsor of LGN and I'm happy to share some of the great products available on the site today. The Fab site is super fast-moving (the sales last 3-7 days) so when this stuff is gone, it's gone. A sad lesson I learned this week when the kantha quilt I loved sold. Never wait when it's true love! :) Luckily, there are plenty of beautiful quilts left here.

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Parents' Weekend

My daughter's college is holding its annual Parents' Weekend for the parents of new freshmen from November 2nd through the 4th.

It's not too hard to predict how the weekend will go.

First we'll be greeted by an administrator who'll look absolutely delighted to see us, as if she's just absolutely certain, before she even gets to know us, that we're the most wonderful group of parents to ever grace her campus.

Then, basically, we get to spend the weekend being told what wonderful care they're taking of our little dears.

We'll be told how special our daughters must be to have gotten into such a selective college.

Then we'll be told that the college is a wonderfully nurturing environment where our daughters will be encouraged to explore their different intellectual interests, and where they will master skills essential to meaningful scholarship. They will learn to reason critically, and to argue clearly.

They will inform us that the young ladies will absorb "an interdisciplinary approach to learning," and a lot of other meaningless platitudes.

We'll be told of the world class faculty who will instill a great love of education into our daughters.

We'll be informed that our daughters will be molded into "independent thinkers."

We'll be told about the wonderful diversity on campus, how the college attracts students of every race, creed, and color from all around the world, and that this will confer "educational benefits" to our daughters.

We'll undoubtedly be told of the college's "wonderful community spirit" as well.

At some point we'll be given a speech by the college's distinguished president, who will tell us with great earnestness that the education the college offers extends beyond the classroom, and that their experience here will help students to go on to "make a meaningful contribution to the world." She will inform us that being a member of this college community is a lifetime affiliation, that the alumnae take "great pride" in having gone here, and that "lifelong friendships will be forged here."

Blah blah blah.

The worst part would be looking around at the faces of the other parents and seeing their expressions of sublime appreciation as they nod approvingly at all these cliches.

Seriously: what kind of person would want to spend their weekend listening to this kind of fulsome treacle?

Not me.

Tick, Tick, Tick...BOOM!

January brought little to the table of recovery.  In fact, January was nothing but more of the same.  How much more crazy could I get?  My moods could be compared to a revolving door.  Don't like the one you see now?  Just wait a second.  Another will be along at any moment, however you may like the new arrival even less.

I was nothing more than a ticking time bomb. It was almost 3 months after DDay and I was seething inside, but working my ass off to put on a show for the world, excluding Richard.  The show was as much for me as for appearances.  Dear Lord, I needed a break!  Being crazy is completely debilitating!
It was like a little mental vacation when Toughie Pants took the wheel.

Only Richard was witness to my authentic agony, anger and agitation.  He was well aware that I was like highly unstable ammunition, one accidental jolt would cause me to detonate.  I was definitely NOT gonna be the poster patient for Lexapro anytime soon.

In the evenings, we would sit outside trying to decide when Richard would leave and how in the hell we were gonna pay for his new digs.  We still slept in the same bed and more often than not, would wake in the middle of the night and have sex, steamy, lustful sex.  I'd say make love, but it didn't feel like that.  Think about that level of crazy...checking Craig's List for low rent apartments after dinner, then later that same night, hours of hysterical bonding personified.

Are you sick of reading about how sick in the head I was?  I get that.  I was sick of myself.  I had to find an outlet to release some pressure.  Can you guess where I tossed that grenade?
Right at Jaymie.
Transference much?? Lucky, lucky Richard!
To aim at Richard alone was intolerable.  He would never have survived a direct singular attack from me.  I was acutely aware that I needed to distribute the carnage outside my home.  It was like an air assault.  You know when you open the hatch and drop the bomb, people are gonna get hurt, but you don't have to see first hand.

I relaunched my battle for the emails.  There were so many I hadn't seen.  It was like Jaymie was occupying territory that was rightfully mine and I set my sights on getting it all back.
My offensive began innocently, well...that's a little too first it was "controlled".
She had sent me the first check for $100 just after Christmas.  I decided to offer her a deal.
Surrender the emails and keep the rest of the money.  The rest of the money, $400, meant nothing to me. (remember just a couple of weeks ago, I HAD to get that money back!  Oh, the winds of war..)
The emails were invaluable.  I sent this:
I called my store and they told me your first check had arrived.  Thank you.
I want to offer you a way to not pay back the rest of the money.
If you still have the emails you exchanged with Richard, I would take those over the money.
I want all of them.  You omitted many of the emails when you sent them to me the first time.
If you can send me all the emails AND the Victoria's Secret items AND the CDs, I will not ask for any more of the money. 
It must be difficult for you to come up with $500, so maybe this would be easier for you.  The emails will help me fully understand the relationship you shared with Richard.  He needs to understand it, too.  
In case you care, we are trying very hard to work past this.  I don't think we're doing a very good job of it.
But, we soldier on.  We hope for clarity and resolution.
I hope you take time and truly consider this offer.

Funny. (funny weird, not funny haha)  I wrote this post before reading this old email.  Note I said "soldier" on.   Battle, bombs, soldiers...I thought I was just now figuring out the dynamics of my life after Dday.  Apparently, I knew I was waging war back then, too.
Acquiring the emails became my mission, my ultimate goal.
I was containing the ticking time bomb with mental deflection.
So much better than mental detonation!

Moulding: Going All Out?

You guys, I must be a glutton for punishment. Just as I'm reaching the home stretch for finishing the crown moulding on the parlor level, I start dreaming of trimming out the rest of the walls. Like, top to bottom moulding.

Looking at the room they shot the West Elm Branch floor lamp in, did not help. (which, PS I really want that lamp!)

I think it would be easier to DIY this type of trim that lays flat on the wall. Crown moulding is such a beast!

Have you attempted anything like this? Maybe I'll just try it in the dining room and stop there if it's too much work/money. I'm especially drawn to the way the moulding and walls are painted that only makes the moulding look chunkier.

George McGovern, RIP

George McGovern, the three term Senator from South Dakota and unsuccessful Presidential candidate in 1972, died early Sunday.

He had been a hero in WWII, flying 35 combat missions over Europe, and won a Distinguished Flying Cross for landing a crippled airplane and saving his crew.

As a Senator and Democratic nominee for President, he was known for his strong anti-Viet Nam War stance. He turned out to be right about that, even if he was wrong about communism in general.

A war hero who advocates for peace is far more credible -- and admirable -- than a chicken hawk who never served himself but is eager to send young men to their deaths.

McGovern had also seen hunger firsthand in Italy during WWII, and worked both during and after his political career for famine relief.

An old-fashioned liberal who supported causes like that is far more credible -- and admirable -- than the modern kind, who enforces political correctness.

The American people said a resounding no to McGovern in 1972, giving him only 38% of the popular vote.

But if you view his life as a whole, he was an admirable man, far more so than most politicians.

Rest in peace.