Jaymie Would NOT be Keeping the Swag!

As I was saying....I impulsively called Shannon, wife of banished best friend Marc, on my way to work. Our conversation began as I assumed it would:
"Hey, Shannon.  I just had to call and let you know that I'm really gonna miss spending time with you, but there is no way I'm letting Marc back into my life."
"Oh, Shawn!  I am so sorry!  I do not know what Marc was thinking!"
"He was protecting Richard.  He thought he was helping him, I guess."

I shouldn't have assumed this would be an easy phone call.  You know what they say about ASSUMING....
 "I told Marc he really screwed up!  I wish he'd told me.  I'd have called you.  I didn't know about the affair until after you found out, but I knew something was weird when Marc told me Richard bought some girl in his office a massage table a few months ago."

And...there it is.  Another shoe dropped.  An additional kick in the gut.
I felt my face flush hot red.

It took me a few seconds to regain my composure.  I was seething.
"When was this?"
"I think it was during the summer, before you and Rich went to Vegas for your birthday."
"Thanks, Shannon.  Take care of yourself.  I gotta go."

Hung up.  Called Richard.
"Wanna tell me about the massage table?"
"What?!" Since DDay I had asked for the WHOLE story, every detail, regardless of how minuscule.  He had a multitude of chances to tell me about the massage table.  I had asked a million questions about how the affair started!  That was one of the ways he reeled her in.  He was her guardian, her protector, her savior and Sugar Daddy.

Can't you just see his face?  Sitting there at his desk, trying to focus on some other poor sap's pending divorce, picking up the phone, hoping for Love Lorn Lucy and hearing Royal Bitch.  Not a propitious beginning to a productive day.

"Tell me about the massage table.  When did you buy it for her"?  The word "HER" always slid out of my mouth like bile.
"After she got fired from Sharon's office.  She wanted to become a massage therapist.  I offered to help her get started.  It was only $100.00"  Only $100??  Who cares?  Why is that relevant?  I guess I should feel better that my cheater spouse was thrifty!

Richard had gone out of his way (way, way out...around the block, across state lines and over seas about sums it up.) to help get Jaymie a job in his office working for Sharon, another attorney that leased office space from him.  So, Jaymie was in his law office everyday, but her paycheck came from Sharon, not Richard.  Gotta give him credit for covering his ass in that regard.  After about 4 months, Sharon let Jaymie go.  Bet you thought I was just being bitter and spiteful when I told you Jaymie wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed.  I think Sharon only kept her around for as long as she did because she knew she was doing Richard a favor.  I learned later that the best thing Jaymie did while she was there was reorganize Sharon's client files with two shades of Pink!
The IQ of a cotton ball.
It was after Jaymie got canned that Richard's obsession with her took on an air of urgency.  Since he wasn't getting his daily dose of his fantasy fuck (Sorry.  My language has been awful.) he had to find other ways to spend time with her.  So began the months of lunches, trips to doggie beach and hours spent at a coffee house called Krakatoa.  All of this time lead up to when he FINALLY got her to take her clothes off on September 7, 2010.

"What else?  What else did you buy her?"
"A bracelet.  At the charity auction.  I bought her a diamond bracelet.  It was a tiny thing, diamonds and emeralds."
Now he's hitting me where I live!  JEWELRY??
I think I blogged about the night he stayed with Jaymie at the Sheraton after a charity event.  This was something we had attended together for years.  This particular year, I had just returned from a work trip.  I was fried.  I did not want to go.  I asked Richard if he would mind going alone.  I expected a fight.  He would never want to go to something like that without me.  This time...he was very compassionate about how tired I must be and he would share my apologies with our group of friends that would be there.  Mean while...he's getting a room to stash Jaymie in until the event is over.  Then, he calls me, says he drank way too much and thinks he shouldn't drive.  Why would I question that?  Better safe than sorry, right?
I hate remembering how stupid I was.

Right before I hung up on him, "When you get home, I want to hear it all!  I'm sick of new info trickling in!  I've had it!"  Then, I called Jaymie.  Of course she didn't answer, but I know she got my voicemail which said, in no uncertain terms, "I know about the massage table and the bracelet.  I want them back.  You will return them. Half of the money used to bribe you with all that swag is mine."  Through out the day, I left her a few more messages that were equally as adamant, adding that if she didn't get back to me ASAP, I'd just call her daddy and work out the details.

After I got home, I received a text from Jaymie.  She said I could have the items.  We texted back and forth about when the exchange would take place.  I told her I'd be there in the morning.
Richard was aware of my intentions.  Our conversation that night was heated.  My temper was as volatile as a solar flare.  I learned he also had taken her on a shopping trip to Fashion Valley Mall.  He bought her lingerie at Victoria's Secret and perfume at Nordstrom.  Seriously...Nordstrom??  My Mecca??  The torment never ends!

"Did you give her any money?"
"Some.  Once in a while.  She was out of work.  I was just trying to help her out."
My husband, the philanthropist.
"How much?"
"I don't know.  A few hundred."
"How fucking MUCH?"
"Not more than a thousand."

 I was soooo done with him for the night.  I wanted Jaymie's attention.  Texted her about the money.  Told her I wanted that back, too.  I knew that wasn't gonna be as easy.  That money was long gone.  I wondered how pathetic, little, unemployed Jaymie would come up with a grand?  Then, my revenge antenna stood straight up.
I could always ask her Daddy for it.