Today's Debate

Whew!  I'm exhausted!  I've spent the lion's share of my day today in a lively debate with another blogger.  This other blogger also happens to be the Other Woman.  Not my Other Woman, just some other random blogging Other Woman.  Confused?  Give me a minute and I'll fill you in.

I received a happy little surprise comment today from  Being a Beautiful Mess.  She listed my little ol' blog as one of her choices for something called the Versatile Blogger Award.  Very unexpected and extremely appreciated.  I needed to catch up with her blog, so I clicked over and read her latest post.  Then, I perused her list of other Versatile Blog Award nominees.
This one caught my eye.   Being Her, (the other woman)… | Judged by all, loved by two.

I had seen the blog previously, but had not read much.  The earlier part was very tough to take.  This blogger was still very much in love with a very married betrayer.  She herself was married, but it didn't prevent her from falling for a man that already belonged to another.  That was only a few short months ago.  Currently, I believe, she and her betrayed spouse are well on the way to reconciliation.  Bravo!

I don't need to tell you her story, after all it is HER story to share.  Until today I had not commented on her blog as it felt as though she was writing only for herself, kind of a semi-private diary.  I get that, because that is how my blog began.

My attitude toward the blog changed today when I read a post, dated June 5, about the blog owner and her two most veracious and supportive readers, one a former wayward husband and one (surprise!) a betrayed wife.  This post made me think she might welcome comment from others in the midst of recovery.

Yea...not so much.

I was compelled to reply to a comment from the aforementioned wayward husband.  He wrote this singing the praises of the other favored reader, the betrayed wife, Wendy:

Not everyone sees Wendy as “the victim” — some see her as a “betrayed sell-out” because (*GASP*) she decided to forgive her husband and work to build a better relationship. To them, she’s a fool, a wimp, or something. Her character, integrity and decisions are very threatening to the crowd who use their victimhood as both power and shield. But you know what? She’s better off than 90% of them. Would you rather be her, or be one of these pathetic bloggers who are whining how they can’t “get over it” years and years later?

That isn't the comment that required a response.  But, it does tend to raise the blood pressure, does it not?  Lucky for me, I feel confident that I am far from pathetic or writing this blog to place my "victim" status on world wide display, so his arrogant prose didn't rattle me.

Until I read this:

the betrayed spouse must forgive, understand and move on too.

Well, that just did not work for me!  We MUST forgive?  We MUST move on?  He MUST mean we should just get over it already!  Right?
I think not.

So, I posted, the blogs owner replied and the dialog was on!  She claimed that there is always some blame for each spouse after an affair.  No way the betrayers would cheat if the marriage is happy.

Ladies??  Are you sure your man is happy?  Is he getting laid as much as he wants?  Are his meals hot when he gets home?  Is your hair done and your make-up fresh?  Are you truly aware of all of your man's needs, emotional and physical?  If not, he's probably gonna cheat.  I mean, why would he ever just come to you and tell you there was something he desired?  Honest, open communication??  Unheard of!

OK...Sorry.  Enough with the sarcasm.  That felt good, though.  I just had to let it out.  I worked so very hard to restrain it when writing my comments on her blog.  If you want to be taken seriously, you gotta reel in the snarky remarks.

Suffice it to say, we agreed to disagree after more than a few intense comments and responses.  Got a wicked little comment from the wayward husband, too!  Yikes!  I don't think he cares at all for my opinions!  Since I hit the reply button for the last time on her comments page, Wayward Husband called me a "shitty spouse".   He got a tad testy!  Must say...I didn't hate that.

Maybe I overstepped with my remarks.  Maybe I crossed some invisible Blogger etiquette line.  Or maybe, I just made a few solid points that hit too close to the truth.  I was standing up for the Sisterhood of Betrayed Wives!  We deserve more than...we probably had some blame in the deal.  We should just admit it and get over it.  That won't stand if I can help it.  Unfortunately, my words fell on cheating, lying, deaf ears.

I think she will be happy if I never visit her blog again.
Wonder if she'll be happy I shared it with all of you?