Just read the best thread of comments on That age-old question after the discovery of an affair… « Our Journey After His Affair

I won't rehash it all, but you really should go read it.  Once again, that Wayward Spouse Blogger dude was shooting off his mouth about how we, as betrayed wives, need to own some of the blame (seems as if he'd like to toss the lion's share of it into our arms!) for our cheating spouses wayward behavior.  In the thread, 3 betrayed wives, much better writers than I, made eloquent remarks defending our right to deny any blame.  They're words got me thinking....

About THEN & NOW.  How different my life would have been if I knew THEN all I know NOW.   What would I have done if Richard had come to me THEN and told me how he was struggling with getting older?  Would I have been understanding if he had shared that he had met a 24 year old girl that he couldn't get out of his head?  Would I have suggested counseling or would I have shut down and told him to get a freaking grip!?  Hindsight, all it once it is both beautiful and sinister.

The main reason I feel very strongly that the betrayed hold no blame for their partners infidelity is they should have come to us THEN.  THEN is anytime before choosing to go outside the marriage.  THEN is when we should have been given the opportunity to step up and fulfill the unmet needs of our spouses that caused them to cheat.

But, I guess that only rings true if there were unmet needs.  Wayward Blogger is oh, so adamant that is why men cheat...unmet needs.  What about unmet communication needs, Asshole??  (Sorry.  I could delete the name calling, but screw it.  It's my  blog.  I can call it like I see it here.)  Are perfect wives mind-readers?  Should I have been consulting with a psychic to discover my husband wanted more attention?   Damn.  If only I had owned a crystal ball!  I know I could have prevented Richard from jumping Jaymie's bones!!

Ugh.  Wayward Blogger brings out the sarcasm in me.  His arrogance and patronizing tone just chap my bootie.  He's so absurd.
Changing attitude....there, I'm over it.

Beautiful hindsight.  From THEN, we gain perspective.  If we are wise, we are able to learn from past mistakes, never to make the same ones again.  This is where I am NOW.

Sinister hindsight, focusing on the morbid, sordid hideous details of mistakes made THEN.   Wallowing in the negative, dwelling on blame, allowing THEN to prevent a better NOW.  This is where I was for a full year after DDay.

 I still don't have a crystal ball and I can only imagine what would have happened if Richard had come to me THEN.  What I know for sure is Richard never gave me a chance to be there for him THEN.  That's all I really need to know NOW to cast the blame away.  

THEN, Richard and I had lost the communication skills required for a healthy, happy marriage.  He didn't trust me enough to let me in.  He went to a stranger for comfort.  He owns the blame for that decision.  NOW, he vows to always come to me.
NOW, we talk every day, about everything.  No topic is insignificant.  No subject is taboo.  NOW, with the help of beautiful hindsight, our marriage is full of promise and I am grateful for lessons learned.

Position available

As per yesterday's headlines, a job vacancy has opened up.


Three million dollars a year.


1. Must sign iron-clad pre-nup.

2. Must pretend to be overjoyed to be in company of husband whenever photographers are present.

3. Must agree to be artificially inseminated with husband's sperm and bear his child.

4. Must be willing to adopt African babies in order to pose as enlightened liberal.

4. Must sign contract stating that if let slip any word of husband's homosexuality during or after marriage, all pay accrued during marriage will revert to husband.

5. Must regularly attend Scientology brainwashing sessions.

html, css, table, div and chairs OH MY!

Some of you may know that I am a slightly talented artist....very slightly 
and well I have been toying with the idea of putting up a webcomic for some time now, so I went ahead and started drawing pages...that was a few months now, I have enough pages to last a few months (think of it as a buffer) and well enough is enough.
I have to actually now sit down and code the darn webpage and post everything online...It has nothing to do with paganism though it has many magical elements in in.
Why am I posting this here, well I need to post a finish date somewhere so that I have someone or something other than family that is holding me to a date. So my blog is now holding me to a date...but not only a date but a schedule!

By July the 2nd I want to have the last tweeks to the cover done
By July 6th I want to have the basic overall coding done, This is taking more time than expected
By July 7th I want to have the cover page up
July 8th day of rest...that and my family will demand attention, I'll even post here to tell you how far I am along.
July 9th a contact the author page coded working on this now and even added a "extras" page
July 10th designed and drawn character page
July 11th  character page coded and up along with the first page on or before now. And a schedule made for updating. 
By July 15 I want to submit my link to topwebcomics, shouldn't be too hard because family will only demand attention for most of the day...right?

Yeah so hopefully by the 15 the page will be somewhat functional and I'll post a link to it then. I may edit this list but I should take no longer than July 25 to complete the list.

~Flaming Pagan needs a nap

OH MY GODDESS I am so behind.
this update is July the 7th and I'm seriously debating if I should just hire a coder.
What I have done is highlighted in fuchsia and what I'm stuck on is in yellow, but in all seriousness I'm almost done the basic overall coding.

And on a lighter note, the code is less likely to mess up when I'm coding in my PJ's.

"Virginia woman sues over alleged sexual abuse during exorcism"

A Reuters article appeared on Yahoo News today with the headline above. The relevant excerpts:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A Virginia woman who claims a priest sexually abused her while performing an exorcism is suing a Catholic diocese and an anti-abortion group for $5.3 million in damages.

The woman claims the Rev. Thomas Euteneuer abused her between April 2008 and September 2010, according to the suit filed in Virginia's Arlington County Circuit Court....

The suit names as defendants the Catholic Diocese of Arlington and its bishop, Paul Loverde, as well as the anti-abortion group Human Life International and HLI Endowment Inc....

The woman, identified in the suit as Jane Doe, said she signed an "agreement for spiritual help" with Euteneuer in February 2008 because "she believed she was in desperate need of the rite of exorcism," the suit said.

Euteneuer repeatedly hugged, kissed and groped the woman, and said he was "blowing the Holy Spirit into her," according to the suit, which was filed on June 19. Euteneuer told the woman to undress on about six occasions, touched and kissed her body, and put his finger in her vagina, court documents said....

The woman is seeking $5 million in compensatory damages and $350,000 in punitive damages.

I saw "The Exorcist" back when it first came out in 1973. It didn't happen like that at all. (Though the movie might have been even more popular if it had.)

I'm left wondering:

Doesn't a woman who asks for an exorcism deserve whatever she gets?

What kind of self-respecting religious institution agrees to perform an exorcism? Isn't driving demons out usually the province of primitive cultures we normally laugh at?

Does the Catholic Church need this kind of publicity?

Did Ms. Doe not suspect after the first few times she was asked to undress that something fishy might have been going on?

How do we know that she didn't expect this sort of hanky panky, and asked for an exorcism while really looking for a payday?

And how do we know that sticking a finger into a woman's vagina doesn't actually rid her of her demons? There is an entire school of thought, started by Sigmund Freud, devoted to the theorem that such treatment is exactly what some women need to calm their hysteria.

(Perhaps the Catholic Church should countersue, and say that a well placed finger can do wonders to "drive out the demons.")

Surprising that the New York Times, which so eagerly prints every story putting the Catholic Church into a bad light, hasn't given this case more publicity. Who knows, maybe they will.

Maybe I should start a business performing exorcisms.

Sounds like it could be fun.

Canvas Sketchbooks

For gifts this year, the kids made personalized journals for their teachers.

I picked up a few of these canvas sketchbooks from Blicks. I LOVE them and can't wait to get a few more to play around with. The inside pages are not lined, which I love (though nothing beats graph paper for me!). And the canvas cover can be customized with basically any medium you can come up with - markers, crayons, paints, stamps,  etc. 

We thought about using paint, but Chartpak markers seemed like a fun choice.

I taped off the paper edges to protect against stray marks.

The girls and I talked a little about what they were going to draw, we did a little sketching first and then  I let them do their thing. They drew the outlines first with fine point sharpies.

And then colored in with the Chartpak markers. The markers bled a lot outside the sharpie lines, but it was fine. Who wants a perfectly-in-the-lines coloring job anyway?

Evie made one too and it ended up being a very pretty, dreamy abstract. I think Heather is going to keep it.

The notebooks were such a hit with the teachers. The kids drew stories and pictures of what each teacher will be doing during the summer.

Claire's pre-k teacher, Al, is also a film maker (he is seriously the coolest, nicest teacher). He's making this super hip indie film this summer about a man that leaves his wallet and his phone in his office building late one night and gets locked out. He has to walk all the way home to Brooklyn with empty pockets and he has lots of adventures along the way. I can't wait to see it when Al's finished. Claire drew a picture of him filming on the streets of NYC, and she and Evie "just happen to be walking down the sidewalk" and they get filmed too (Claire's words - that kid!)

Gracie also had a really special teacher this year, Miranda, who we will love forever. It's crazy how involved these lovely people are with our kids and then, bam, one day it's over and they're done. That can be hard to digest for kids, teachers and parents alike.

Miranda is summering in Spain and Morocco, so Grace drew a picture of her teacher taking a cab to the airport (Grace is waving goodbye from our building). And on the back side, Miranda is riding a camel in Morocco by the beach.

I made one for myself and used a blender marker to add in some water marks. Looks sort of like tie dye, right? I like it. The back side (with the bright orangey red, below), is my favorite.

Anyway, I feel like the possibilities are endless with these canvas-bound sketchbooks! I'm going to try some patterns next. Maybe like a Les Touches-esque stylized leopard print? Or a faux bois... or malachite... Tortoise shell...

 Bracken Helping out front and modeling a felted kids back pack Taryn finished today

Think I've got about 5 cords of wood split so far,
want to get as much split and drying as possible before Winter .

The Scrimshaw above I did on a piece of Holly Wood
A bit tricky
A little more about it here on our store

The One below I called,
"Cradled in the Arms of Eternity"

It's carved in Mountain Mahogany
Hard desert wood

 A Nice chunk of Turquoise
cradled in between..

We're gonna be at Market Saturday
They are saying Rain



1. The Supreme Court overturns Obamacare, declaring it unconstitutional.

2. The economy does better as a result.

3. Obama takes credit for the improving economy.

(Addendum, next day: damn it.)

What I look like

Well, not really. But sometimes, when I walk down the street, I sorta feel as if I look like this.

Unfortunately, I look like this:

In some corner of our minds, we all imagine ourselves as far better-looking, younger versions of ourselves. Which is why we tend to hate photos.

When we look in the mirror, we tend to look at our best angles, in the best lighting. So a photo usually represents a cold dose of reality.

I'd prefer to have spent my life as half-Hawaiian, half-white, like Jason Momoa, at top, rather than half-Japanese, half-white. It probably would have meant giving up a few IQ points in order to be larger and better-looking.

But that's a trade I wouldn't have hesitated to make.

I do know people who claim they would rather be smart than good-looking.

They are, for the most part, the kind of people who say what they think they're supposed to say.

In other words, they're liars.

MSL Radio!

Well, we finally made it to the last day of school for my girls. I'm taking full advantage of this last day and I've packed in all sorts of appointments before we launch into full-blown summer mode tomorrow. First up is a dash down to Brooklyn for a meeting with the contractor at the brownstone to talk about refinishing the floors. (whoop!)

We've been thinking a lot about it (thanks so much for your input by the way), and because of all the stairs in our place and especially because of the very short window of time when the house will be empty, we're probably just going to hire out this project. I'm hoping our guy will say they can do the floors for just some fabric advice and a big plate of fresh cookies, but something tells me it might cost us a smidgen more than that. I might be waiting on my DREAM fridge a bit longer than I hoped.  (but seriously, isn't that fridge perfect?)

Some of you mentioned you have used 50/50 Jacobean and Ebony stain mix on your floors, which is the formula used on these white oak floors (from here). We have red oak though and might need a little more ebony stain in the mix. I'll have to play around with it. I'm also considering going very very light, which might better suit our narrow space. Decisions!

In other news, I'll be joining the fabulously talented Kevin Sharkey on Martha Stewart Living Radio this evening from 5:00-6:00 pm. We'll be talking about all the good stuff. Blogging. Decorating. When to DIY and when to call in a professional (let's see what I'll say after getting the quote for my floors just minutes before the show! ha.).

Call in! Let's chat.  (PS  If you don't have a subscription to Sirius, the folks at Martha have generously offered up a free 30 day subscription here.)

paying for services.

I've seen in the last few days people have started talking about paying for services rendered, mostly from what I've seen everyone falls into one of 3 camps. Obviously 2 extreme ends and a happy middle world, I think I belong somewhat to the middle world but people have the hardest time judging themselves so I may be wrong about this one.

The first group of people believe that it should all be for these are not just the people seeking these survives, there are clergy and teachers that fall into this category and it seems like this category is one of the more accepted ones.  There are clergy that will officiate for free as long as their calendar is accepting of the time, teachers and covens that will teach anyone who comes by for nothing more than the occasional gift.
This is all fine and dandy on the small scale but it can be quite costly for the clergy and teacher once you add in supplies needed and travel costs (gas).

Then there are those in the middle category who don't charge for their services but will require to be reimbursed for the cost of supplies and travel cost. I personally fall into this category as when I do teach I often go through at least double the supplies than I normally would alone, sometimes having to use supplies that I normally do not use is another cost, and if we have to travel to a place that I normally wouldn't travel to is also costly. It all adds up. I don't charge for my time, just for my expenses. Though a gift of food or something is always welcome ;)
For those who don't wish to pay me for my costs they can easily contact me and I can give them a list of things needed for that particular time and lesson so that they bring the required materials themselves. Honestly I prefer that option because it not only allows students to find a better deal but it stop the cash transaction and teaches the students where to look for things and how to identify certain items.

Then there are those who charge for services rendered, these people usually have a set cost or a cost per hour and on top of this they sometimes ask to be paid back for operating, supply and travel cost. This seems to be from what I can see, the least accepted and most lonely group.
I have even read on other article and blogs to avoid these people completely because this group has been infiltrated with people who are looking for cash with little to no knowledge or effort.
Now some of the people in this group might be looking only for the money but we should avoid painting them all with the same brush. Time is money and if these people are always getting request on top of request, then this system might be just the thing they need to keep everyone organized and everything running smoothly.
I know I don't get anywhere near this many requests where I feel like I have to charge for my time but some more popular people might get just that many requests for their time.

 Well that's pretty much my understanding on all this,

Bless Be

Flokati Rugs

I love the idea of stepping out of bed in the morning onto the softest, furry pile of wool. So I've been thinking a flokati rug would be so cozy and swanky (I vow to never use that word again - it had to be done) in our soon-to-be-dark-walled bedroom.

I've been looking around for a nice flokati (aka one that doesn't shed like C-R-A-Z-Y). But I also want one that won't be a huge investment, since, let's be real, it's a white rug in a house full of kids and maybe a dog. If I didn't have about a million other places to spend our money right now I would be tempted by a real Beni Ourain Moroccan rug, like Jenna's.

Living Etc.

I've had my eye on this flokati for a couple weeks since it has pretty decent reviews and the price was good. As is typical for me though, I let it sit in an open browser tab for about three weeks - until I noticed it was 75% off (still is!). And since I'm a total sucker for marketing gimmicks like that, I just couldn't pass. A little over $100 for the 5x7 seemed like a very fair price for a well-reviewed flokati.

Elle Decor, March 2010

Anyone have this particular rug? Or a flokati in their bedroom? Spill!

PS If you're feeling adventurous, Danika at Gorgeous Shiny Things used a little bit of fabric dye to recreate the Beni look.

Contest Closed: Clorox Wipes $500 Give Away

This post is sponsored by the makers of Clorox® Disinfecting Wipes, the quick and easy way to clean and disinfect your home!

Congrats to Hallie the winner of the $500 give away to Target and the Container Store. Hallie, please email me your info as soon as possible to claim your prize.

Thanks to all that entered!

Just a quick question.

I've been asked the same question by all manners of people and strangers, so I need to clear something up in my head.

Apparently my dragons look like a cross...yeah it does a little until you get close and realize it's a pentacle with 2 dragons wrapped around it, but some people even after a close look still believe that it's still a christian cross.

I just don't see it but maybe you might...and yeah I took it off long enough to take a picture because I figured that although some of you may like a gratuitous boob shot, not everyone would. That and I'm not showing you my boobs.

Blessed Be

This actually sounds like an Onion article, even though it's not

The summer solstice

Did I forget about the summer solstice? nope I had a quiet night with L and stayed up as long as I could to try and see the sunrise (didn't happen, I'm a pansy and need bed early) but I did talk to a few friends on the phone about their plans and we were pretty much all in agreement. We all tried to stay up to see the sunrise which should have been easy as we only had maybe 2 hours of dark...possibly 3 hours of dark.

I failed miserably and fell asleep at 10:30 hours before the sunset
C saw the twilight before the sunrise at around 3am before falling asleep
and T was on night shift so he saw the entire thing because he didn't really have a choice.
T isn't pagan he's more of an atheist or agnostic...I'm not sure which but I'm not too worried, he's a good guy  and that's all that matters.

Well now the days are going to get shorter and shorter until the longest night in December which makes me a little sad, I need the sun to keep me happy it seems. during the winter it is the complete opposite of now. now we only get a few hours of dark and I tend to go to bed before the sunset but once winter comes and the longest night approaches we might only get 32-3 hours of daylight.
I swear if the stereotypical vampire was real then they would not be able to survive here, it would be a nice winter home but they would starve during the summer.

I've eaten some of my strawberries and have only 3 left to wait for, they will ripen soon but just not yet. My tomato plant has a few little yellow flowers on it but not enough to make me confident that we'll have tomatoes this year...last year we had more flowers and only came away with 3 small tomatoes due to birds and constriction people.

I like summer, I'm not fond on the heat as it can get up to 42°C but I love the light and the safety it brings. I live in a rough part of town and summers are when I feel the safest going out for a walk.
My birthday is also in summer. This Wednesday actually, I'm having trouble waiting.
I know about one gift that I'm receiving, my aunt all but forced me to open the gift that she gave me last week, mom has something up her sleeve and I just have no clue, and my sister has admitted defeat and so has offered to take me shopping.
L is giving me a kidding, my own little piece of the web so I can have my own url and a place to put up some of my book I've been working on the last little while. I'll still need to code it and find a host but the name is a desirable name considering the books title. I might post a link for it here once it's finished even though it really doesn't have anything to do with paganism.
It's my project and I want to show it off to the world even if it's not that good.

Well I best be off to try and find new topics to post about, I'm getting lazy and my brain doesn't want to do much more thinking today.

Blessed Be

Picture found on google

Post-Vacay Blues

My in-laws left out this morning to return back to NC from their trip with us this past week. While they were here, we traveled to Alicante, one of the towns that borders Spain's famous Costa Blanca. If there has ever been a time when I wish I lived at the beach, man, this was it. 

We stayed at a hotel that was a former mansion in a town called Sant Joan d'Alacant. It was a neat place and the only downside was that it was 2 km (1.5 miles) from the beach but luckily there was great public transportation to take you right to the water. 

{Top: Jcrew, Pants: Jcrew}

The Mediterranean was gorgeous. I grew up going with my family to Myrtle Beach, SC every year as a part of my dad's side family reunion (one year we numbered over 100 people!), but this beach holds no candle to the Atlantic Ocean. In the back of the photo as well, you can see some of the mountain ranges that border the area. It was quite a breath-taking view that was hard to capture via camera.

{Top: Jcrew Raindrop Lace tee, Shorts: Jcrew, Hat: H&M, Purse: Jcrew}

We enjoyed our three days there greatly and it was a wonderful time to relax. I was super sad to board the train back home and step back into reality. Someday Costa Blanca...someday I'll be back...

BHG and Pillows

I got back to New York late Saturday night and playing catch up has been a little crazy. But it was so fun to come home and see this little piece in the July Better Homes and Gardens. They let me share some of my favorite tips for zhushing up a home on a budget. I also had to bribe them with lavish gifts so they would call me the reigning Queen of DIY. ;)

follow me on instagram: @jennykomenda

I'm going to be posting on the BHG Style Spotter blog a couple times this summer. Each post will focus on a room and a very specific way to mix it up a little without breaking the bank. Pillows are one of my great weaknesses and I'm sharing some of my currently available favorites that will instantly update your living room (and a fool-proof method for mixing colors - it's simpler than you think). Go check it out!

A Classic Mistake

What is wrong with this Picture?

Lies embedded within Truth
Are the most Dangerous Kind.

Here is a chart I downloaded from Facebook..
Sounds good.
A lot of Healthy stuff on the Left
and Unhealthy stuff on the Right.

But there is some major mis-information here.


Is it another one of those Paid for by Dupont and Monsanto Pro Vegetarian Lies...

Or is it just another case of Ignorance
based upon emotional and mental misconceptions?

I'd like to believe it is the latter, 
even though those evil corporate giants
are putting Millions into a very Unhealthy Agenda
for whatever their perverted reasons.
I suppose to sell more  Unhealthy Grains..

But what Misconceptions can lead to the idea that liver and organ meats "Lower Vibration"?

First of all there is the prevalent idea
that being centered in the upper Chakras
is being,"more spiritual."

It isn't.

It is being ungrounded
generally spaced out
and disconnected from Life.

And to say it,"lowers vibration"
on one hand could be a correct statement,
as it pulls our energy Down into our bodies,
connects it to Our Planet
and everything upon it. 

But it is used above in a way that is meant to make us think that somehow it 
lessens our ability to be spiritual.

Thousands of years ago
the ...UMM
Helpers of the Race
set forth an idea for those folks on the outer edge of evolution
(you might say).
This was in a time when most folks 
were centered in their lower centers.
So suggestions were made to raise the Kundalini.

Certain drugs
Sweat Baths
Extreme Fasting
and a Vegetarian Diet 
were a few suggestions.

It was understood that something that loosened one's grip to Life
tended to give Mystical Visions
which would help shift the bodies energetic balance.

It wasn't really the best idea..

"All things in their Natural Time."

But this idea has carried into this day
and some religions (Essene's for example)
still believe it.

But here's the problem with that:

The Balance has shifted

Folks are more Ungrounded and disconnected these days,
(Because of  some reasons on the right side of that chart)
and simply because evolution 
has changed the Chakra Balance of Humanity.

"Civilized folks"
Tend to be very much in their Heads
very disconnected from the Planet 
where they are meant to be grounded.

There is another "spiritual misconception"
 that is prevalent these days.

Actually I've lived under it's misguided dictates for many lives,
and it's the idea that Spirituality is an escape from this world.
That we are here to Transcend the Physical..

That is bogus
a Lie.

We are here to find Balance
Between Earth and Sky
Between Upper Chakras
and Lower.

As I've said before,

"Humans are Omnivores".

When we forget that for our mental
and emotionally based ideas
 and generations to follow

Healthy Grass Fed Organic
Meat, Liver, and organ meats

as all indigenous connected populations understand...

and powerful
connect us to the Life of All 

and are necessary for optimal Health...

Which must be at the heart of any "Spiritual Practice".

Denying our own nature
because we are mentally and emotionally based
and disconnected from the truth of Life...

Will harm us all.

There are some very good things on the chart above...

Meditation is great.
But let your life be a Meditation..

And grounding is Great,

Yet if we are balanced
our energetic body expands beyond our physical body..
and down into the Earth.

I've seen 
actually not one Vegetarian whose energeetic body
wasn't disconnected from their Roots.
Almost always centered in an emotionally driven Head.
Swirling....and disconnected.

This isn't a spiritual state.

Not something to strive for.

A Little Perspective

OK, I don't read the Newspaper
I don't Have a TV
I don't listen to the News
I don't choose to become a Slave Sheep to the media.

But I do go to my Facebook page to read all the wonderful positive posts  Friends put there.
I do have a Yahoo home page
So I can't help getting tied in to some things that 
fill the media.
Right now I'm seeing a great OUTRAGE
a Mass Anger towards some dude
named Sandusky.

Evidently he's some Pig
who abused a bunch of Kids
 while he was a coach somewhere.

OK, this is bad
it sucks

But I don't recall such a huge Media Created Outrage
at the hundreds or possibly thousands of Priests
who did the same thing.

And it makes me wonder.

I don't know if you all remember 
the day before the infamous

That day when the media created a conspiracy theory about some Middle Eastern Dudes supposedly
doing things
 like making impossible airplane moves
 into the World Trade Center.

And the day building 7
never hit by a plane
fell down into it's own footprint
leaving masses of  NanoThermite in the debris
The only substance known that could melt steel
as happened there
(and only available to our Government in that particular form.) 
Not unlike the Anthrax they used to scare us a few years before.
They had to kill the guy they eventually placed the blame on.
The day a Plane supposedly flew into the Pentagon
leaving a small hole that no plane
(but a missle)
could have passed through
and leaving no sign of an airplane in the wreckage..
Just one little piece found
from some other totally different plane.

Well if you remember this infamous day

do you remember the day before it

the day that Cheney, or Ashcroft
one of those evil demons
that surrounded and controlled the Idiot Bush,
made an announcment that,
"OOP's there seems to be a few TRILLION dollars
missing of Defense Money."

Nope, most folks don't remember this.
It was overshadowed by the intense emotional Reaction
to the Inside Job we've come to call 9/11.

HMM? I wonder how many Trillions it took to pull off 9/11?

So I'm wondering
aside from this Pervert Sandusky
doing what thousands of Priests have done before him did..

and the media and emotional storm all that created...

What that is really important happened on that day?

Did we do a sneak attack on Iran..?

Did we accidentally MURDER a few hundred Innocents 
in Iraq
or Afghanistan?

And come on media.....

How about some Perspective.

Yes the dude did nasty stuff and hurt a few
gullible young boys.

But come on 
we've MURDERED MILLIONS of innocent folks
in Iraq, Afganistan, and secretly in Iran..
To steal their resources
to feed a Lucrative War Machine
to make a very few Piggies
a lot Piggier than Sandusky
Richer and Richer.

A few damaged Boys ..
but what about the thousand or so folks who will die today from Pharmaceuticals, poison foods
tobacco and alcohol
all sanctioned by our Government.
I'm talking Dead
slow Painful drawn out Deaths
compared to a few damaged young men.

Let's get some perspective here. 

They want you to focus your anger on this one sick dude..

Because if you do

you won't be looking at the things that really matter..

Death and destruction 

some done in your name

with your hard earned Tax Dollars..

They don't want you angry that you are paying for murder

they don't want you thinking about that...

"Think about this one sick dude..

Focus on that.."

"Just never mind about all the rest..

Nice Little Sheepie..."

"Go back to sleep now and dream of Big Screen TV's.

AHH, that's better...

Sleepie Sheepie. "

Strange Dreams

Strange Dreams

I've been having some very strange Dreams Lately.
Most have taken place in the Middle East.
One was in someplace like maybe Bosnia.

What is strange about these dreams is that the people in them are speaking in foreign languages.

I guess I should first mention that my "normal" dreaming
is very Lucid..
And  most mornings I wake up tired
after a long night of dream after dream after dream.
Each one  a long adventure of some sort.
Some are with recurring folks that I've never met during waking.

But anyway, lately these dreams in foreign lands 
and languages...
Have been disturbing.

A while back I was in a cave like home
built in some dunes in the desert
Outside there was fear of American soldiers.

In one helicopters were flying low mowing everybody on the streets down with machine guns.
In another "we" were hiding in these rocky outcroppings
from soldiers in armored vehicles..
I thought this might be Afghanistan .

A few nights ago I was with a group of folks
I was wandering in this place in the desert
some kind of facility with large white Tanks
lots of pipes and stuff.
These 2 guards came upon me
I showed them some kind of badge
 and they took me into a room full of other folks,
not locals
from different countries.
I felt we were being Held there.
But nothing bad was happening to us.
We just couldn't leave.

But a couple nights ago I had a few dreams,
 one being the most disturbing. 

I was in Iran
somehow I knew that.
On the coast in a city with an L in it's name.
It had been totally bombed by the US.
People were living in underground parking garages.
Eating garbage they found in the streets.
One guy had an old rotten watermelon rind.
Like it was a treasure.
People were dying everywhere from starvation.
There was no electricity and people had little fires going in this underground garage.

American planes were still flying over.

The people were speaking in a foreign language...
I was there but it was like I was invisable.
I wasn't interacting in any of these dreams with the folks around me...

The feelings from these dreams follow me throughout the day..
and days...

Full color (all my dreams are)
Total detail of stuff I've never seen before...

What the Heck?

Frisco and Floors

Hello from Hotel Vitale in San Francisco!

I'm here for the weekend with a few other bloggers, and many of them live here. It was fun over dinner last night, getting the inside scoop about all the great things this beautiful city has to offer. We've thought about moving to San Francisco a few times over the past couple years.  Maybe down the road in a few years (if Brooklyn doesn't work out for us)...

Speaking of Brooklyn, this weekend I'm trying to figure out if we should refinish the wood floors of the brownstone ourselves or if we should hire it out. If we're going to do it, I feel like we need to do it first thing, before we move anything in the house.

I have a meeting next week with my contractor, just to get a sense from him how much it would cost to get some of the bigger projects professionally done. In the meantime I need to get online and do some research on DIY floor refinishing. The current reddy stain bugs me, but honestly - it's not *that* bad. I do think a new stain would help the house feel more finished and updated. Less...70s. But we'll have rugs in most rooms, so maybe this is a place where we should save our money.

Have you refinished your own floors? Or maybe you went with a professional service and you were glad you did? I'd love to hear about it as we're weighing out our options.

Have a lovely weekend! See you Monday. xx

Control Your Focus

Control Your Focus/ Feed the Joy

As anyone who knows me knows,
or anyone who has seen my posts on Facebook
or here on my blog knows..

I tend to point out a lot of the Evil stuff that goes on in the world.

Governments controlled by big money
whose intentions have little to do with the welfare of the People
and everything to do with...
Keeping the Big money to the Big money.
Regardless of the death and destruction
caused in Quest the of that all powerful Dollar.

The Human Race is
 dummied down with poisons in the water,air, "foods" and drinks, body products and "medicines".
99.9% of consumables have no real value 
beyond maintaining the human race as cash cows
or I guess sheep
to a very few.

I'm an Aries
on what you might call the "Return Trip" 
in evolution.
Unlike the Aries who haven't been around for very long
I suffer from a certain degree of awareness.
And being a moderately aware Aries
my souls most natural task is to 
Ruled by Mars..
As "the Tibetan" say's,
"Harmony thru Conflict"
is my souls most natural Path.

Well here's the deal...

Pay attention Self...

In any Battle
 Awareness is the first priority..

But if we are Angry at the evil we oppose...
We have lost the battle.
We were reading an old Mother Earth News yesterday with Breakfast.
Actually I started reading it out loud
But I tend to cry like a big baby 
whenever I hear someone say something
that really touches my heart...
( or children singing,or seeing people do nice things...or even thinking about this now) .

So Taryn had to take over reading this old interview with 
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
The death and Dying lady...
And she was saying something about how anger is useful..
how it's a good thing.
Unless it's held for more than a few seconds...
OK, I know that..
Any strong Emotion
(contrary to popular belief LOVE is NOT an emotion).
Any strong emotion
is defeat to the souls Return
as the guiding Light in a persons Life.
Just for the record Love
comes from the Heart... and Soul
Emotion comes from the head...
and belly.
So here's my long drawn out point..
Act upon that Awareness
But don't allow yourself to be acted upon by that Awareness.
Don't let that awareness control your emotions..
Look at your awareness..
With your Heart..
Not your Emotions..
It all about Focus.
If you focus on all the evil and misery in the world.
You will have a miserable Life.
Yes, there is much evil in the World
and we need to be aware of it so we can do whatever we can to dispel it.
But first we must dispel it from our own lives.
And if it controls our emotions..
We are embracing it...
It becomes part of us...
And we lose the ability to really be helpful..

So once again I want to repeat our Motto..

To Myself and everyone out there....

"Feed The Joy"

My 30th Anniversary

I'm outta here for a week, Friends.  Richard and I are taking a little trip to celebrate our 30th anniversary.  I bought him a card that says "You are the best of my past, the joy of my present and the promise of my future."
Of all the sappy cards that I read, this one felt the MOST true.
This trip will be all about attitude for me.  Never been to the state where we're going, so triggers should be minimal.  I am determined to focus on my road to happy!  It's time.

So, off I go, after this quickie post.  Maybe off to begin the rest of my happy ever after.
Damn...that's sounds good!
Hope & Hugs!

Ugly Weather at Jaymie's House

Affair fog is not just for betrayers.  After DDay, I predict the betrayed may suffer with diminished ability to see clearly due to fog in La La Land.  The fog can be pea soup thick when a storm is brewing.
Someone should have issued a severe storm warning.  My wicked case of post DDay affair fog thickened up a few days after Thanksgiving.  I wasn't seeing anything clearly.  Richard called himself "My Barometer".  His quality of life was completely dependent on my moods.  I have likened these past months to a war.  Maybe I should have used the weather metaphor instead.  I was the proverbial tempest in a tea kettle.  So in love.  Imagining the perfect future with my not-so-perfect man one minute, measuring myself for a tight white jacket the next or maybe having such an enormous fit of anger, Richard could not see any possible way we had an ice cube's chance in hell of reconciling.
In each new day there was the potential for a category 5 hurricane.  The morning I'm about to share was one of those days.

Consequences weren't on my Dopler radar.  I wasn't thinking that far ahead.  It was not even day by was minute by minute most of the time.  Questions about the affair were so over whelming to me that day.  I couldn't take it.  Jaymie had not responded to any of the emails I had sent recently.  Playing on her sympathies and offering to throw Richard under the bus wasn't working.  She didn't want him back, AFAIK, so wouldn't she want to destroy him?  He lied to her, used her, tossed her aside like a used condom.  You think she'd want to give me all the dirt so I would hang him out to his penis!

Texting was also a total waste of time. I needed a more direct approach. Still had her home number.  That had proven to be a sure thing.  Back to the war analogy...
The casualty count was about to rise again.

Jaymie's dad picked up.  "Hello?"
"Hello.  I need to speak...."
"Got it, Dad!!"  
She was exceedingly NOT happy about me calling her house.  As you can imagine, that sent me into a very natural endorphin enhanced euphoria!  She wanted to know just what I thought I was doing!?
My plan, a few seconds ago, was just to get her on the phone.  Get some much needed answers to my over flowing list of questions about her time with Richard.

But, that was a WHOLE second ago.  Once I heard the fear in her voice...the fear of her dad finding out...It was soooo ON!  "I want to talk to your dad.  Please put him on the phone."
"Why?  Why would you involve him?"
"Jaymie...I'm a parent!  If my daughter was making such horrendous life choices, I sure hope someone would let me know.  I just want to do the right thing."
Oh my God!  This was the most fun I'd had since DDay!
"Shawn, please.  There is no reason to talk to him.  It's over. I thought we had an understanding.  I tried to help you.  I answered your questions."   Not all of them.  Not even close.
"You are so stupid.  Why would I just let you off the hook?  I was only nice to you to get the information I wanted.  It's obvious how Richard played you.  Manipulating you is a piece of cake."

Royal Bitch in full body armor had shown up for this battle! (Oh, wait! Are we still doing the weather analogy?.Ok..this storm...this tornado...whatever!)  I was in my glory!  Ripping her a new one and listening to her squirm!  I'm getting chills now just thinking about it!

Played a little cat and mouse with her for a bit more.  Hearing her BEG me not to call Daddy was like seeing a double rainbow after a raging rain.  (I really gotta get my metaphors figured out. Sorry.)  It was way too much fun to stop.  In the end, I made it clear, her dad and I were gonna chat.

Finally, I hung up on her.  I had also acquired her dad's work line.  He worked from home, but he had a private line.  Used that.  Get ready, James.  
"Is this Mr. Sim****?"
"Yes, it is."
"This is Shawn Feu*****, Richard's wife. I have something you need to know.  Your daughter had a affair with my husband."
There was a very long pause.  I waited.  I figured it would take some time to set in.  What really surprised me was the fact that he never doubted a word of what I told him.  Not a word.  As I parent, I think I would have needed a bit of proof that my daughter was a low-life skank.  Not James.  
I could have offered up the emails.  I could have shared sordid details galore!  Nope.  Not necessary.

The rest of the call was James apologizing to me.  Asking about MY welfare!  Inquiring about MY emotional state!  What could he do for me?  Well, that sure slowed my wind speed down a notch.  Open up the flood gates, here it comes....I wailed!  I couldn't believe how kind this man was being to me!  How could I be such a Royal Bitch??  He, unwittingly, continued to apply the tourniquet of guilt, 
"Can I pray with you?"  
Then he proceeded to ask our Dear Lord to help me heal, give me guidance and comfort my heart.  I think the whole call lasted less than 10 minutes.  As I sobbed, I prayed for a cyclone to pick me up and deposit me in hell, right then, where I belonged.

Once again, I didn't think it through.  I didn't think at all.  I acted or reacted.  I was volatile. 
This blog helps me understand what I should have done differently.  If you are dealing with the first few months after DDay, use me like the local weather woman.  I'm gonna let you know when you'll need an umbrella, when to pack the sunscreen and when to stay the hell home because the road to happy is too damn icy to navigate.