We are at War

Shawn --You asked about the depth of my interactions with Rich. What did our relationship consist of? All I can do is point to the e-mails. They
describe more than I can sum up for you now. They are the emotions and
the details and the context. We had an undeniable connection. What
other reason can be given for risking your marriage, your house, and
life as you know it? Knowing that there was no possible way around
disaster, we participated. And in the end I couldn't deny or defend
it. It just was.   - -Jaymie


Jaymie says everything is in the emails.  Just read the emails.  Analyze the emails.  Put the damned things under a microscope and examine every sentence over and over and over.  Emotional cutting or in depth dissection and evaluation?  Whatever, this junkie needed a stronger fix.  The emails weren't sufficiently satisfying anymore.

That's when the war truly started.  I think it's fair to call post DDay struggles a war.  There are many battles, deep anger, great loss, intense pain and on the rare occasion a surrender.  In the war of the affair aftermath, there was also massive collateral damage, striking out at others rather than at Richard.  Oh...he got his share, but I found his Achilles heal.  I could hurt him more by dragging others through the muddy waters of our battleground.  MUCH more.

I fired my first two shots at Richard's best friend, Marc and his partner at the firm, Michelle.  I sent them this email:
Michelle & Marc:

I'm trying hard to close gaps, tie up loose ends.  I'm trying to cover all the broken pieces of me that still hurt.  There are parts that I have no control over, so that makes it even more important for me to be proactive at controlling the things I can.


I wish you were never involved in my husband's poor choices.  (nice way to put it, right?)  I don't know how long you both knew about Richard's affair with Jaymie.  That's one area Richard and I have not discussed.  When you found out he was being so reckless, did you really do all you could to bring him back to reality?  His shrink says he was totally crazy during the whole thing.  You're his best friends.  Could you not see that?  If he was temporarily insane, did you not want to save him from himself?  If he were going to jump off a bridge, I bet you would have been there to stop him.  Why didn't you do more to stop him from throwing away 30 years with me?  

It seems so simple really.  The conversation would go something like this...."Rich, you need to decide what you want.  Choose.  No more lying.  If you don't, I'm going to Shawn.  What you're doing is beyond wrong and she deserves better."  A few words that could have saved me from a world of heartache.  But, you never thought to step up for me.  You're loyal to Richard, I know that.  But, I always thought in some way you cared about me, too.  Now I know I was wrong.  You will always be friends with my husband, but never again with me.  I don't believe it is a huge loss for any of us, except maybe Richard.  I know this will hurt him because he loves all of us and truly wants to continue our friendships.  I think hurting him is another reason to sever ties with you.  I have so few weapons to fight back with.

Hopefully you will never find yourself in this kind of horrible situation again, but if you do....please remember that you have the power to make a difference.  Use it.  Try harder.  Be a true friend.  --Shawn

In this war, I hit the send button instead of firing a weapon.  The result was the same.  Three people were wounded.  These were the first of many casualties.  I had just begun to fight.