I started Lexapro around week 7. Lexapro, a lovely little anti depressant that may cause weight gain, headaches, severe lethargy or nausea. Nice. Dr. N said I showed all the signs of severe depression. No shit. You didn't need an MD to diagnose that. Weird thing was, up until then, in public, I had held it together. I was the consummate actress. Meryl Streep had nothing on me!
It was a little over 8 weeks post DDay when I had to return my Academy Award. My acting skills until then had been impeccable! Hell, with all the stress, anxiety and heartache I was dealing with, I doubt Meryl would have done any better, Lexapro or not.
I came out of the "My Marriage is Perfect" closet. He never admitted it, but I knew, Richard abhorred letting others know about our red hot mess of a marriage. Duh! What upstanding husband, loving father and all around community nice guy wants people to know he's a sleeze bag cheating prick?
If you know me at all by now, the fact that spreading our dirt pained Richard was more than enough reason for me to take out a front page ad in the local paper.
When I told others, I convinced myself it was all completely innocent. I needed support! Poor, poor pitiful me! I just couldn't hold it together any longer all on my lonesome! Whatever. Now, I kind of think I just wanted to stick it to Richard. At the time though, it truly felt like I just poured out my guts to others for comfort. There is probably a tad of truth to both sides. It's debatable.
Richard told me he didn't care who I told. He didn't care. He just wanted me to be happy again and he'd do whatever it took. I put that declaration of love to the test quite a few times. I think the first time was at a bar with all the wives of our local friends. The same friends I was with when I caught Richard in that first lie. One of them already knew, Lori. She was the smart friend that suggested I find out what was up. She's a teacher, did I tell you that?? Smart. Anyway, the rest of the girls hadn't seen me since Halloween and wondered why.
One of them, Kelly, kept asking me, "Shawn, what is up with you?"
"I'm fine. Just tired. Busy at work." Thought she'd buy it. I was the rock of the group! The older wife that had all the answers! Not so much. She was relentless. After 2 vodka gimlets, she asked me again and I lost it. Ran crying from the bar.
Drama! Hey..maybe I'll get that Oscar back!
She chased after me, of course. Sobbing I told her about Jaymie and Richard and how my life was a steamy hot shit storm! Another cocktail and lots of 'I'm sorrys' and 'I can't believe its' later, we walked back in and I shared the tattered reality of my life with all the girls. Abounding sympathy ensued.
If you're keeping a casualty head count...let's do the math...banished best friends make 2, add 5 inebriated girlfriends, Smart Lori, Nikki & Julie had known since DDay, so we're up to 10 already!
Next came my brother and his wife. They were here for a little vacation and I dragged them right into our marriage mine field. That makes it an even dozen. The total number of injured hovered there until the day before Thanksgiving. That's when Richard made a huge strategic blunder. He lied again.
Time to break out the big guns.