Confessions of a beta male XV: regrets

An alpha's brain is constructed so that as soon as one activity ends, it's on to the next distraction. Mine is constructed to be a slow motion replay machine, always analyzing what just happened, with regrets the inevitable byproduct. I have no more choice in this matter than a VCR has about being a VCR.

Alphas have that most adaptive of traits: a lousy memory. When they say, oh yeah, I honestly forgot all about that -- they're often actually being honest. I only wish I could forget.

If an alpha screws up, he shrugs and forgets about it by the next day. I still wince over stupid things I did as a teenager.

An alpha buys a nice car and enjoys it. I can't help but wonder if it was worth the money, what the purchase says about me, and how expensive it will be to maintain.

If things don't go an alpha's way, he just thinks, I'll get 'em next time. I know better: that was my last chance, there will never be a next time.

I rehash conversations, performances, everything I ever do. An alpha mostly just second guesses other people.

Alphas do makes mistakes. They go to the wrong school, pursue the wrong career path, date the wrong women, choose the wrong friends. They just don't agonize about it afterward. It's a wonder I have any teeth left after all the gnashing I've done.

You often hear that the unexamined life is not worth living. My experience has been that the overly examined one isn't either.

To be "introspective" means to look within, to inspect one's own interior. Do too much of this and you'll feel you're in a jail cell.

Alphas can employ pat little euphemisms and trite sayings which justify and excuse and explain and mollify. I am filled with envy at their ability to do so.

Alphas can laugh something off as being a learning experience. Whenever I hear that, I think, what did I learn that I haven't already been taught a hundred times before?

Alphas tend to look back and say, I wouldn't change a thing. Their lives are suffused with a rich contentment. I can't think of a single thing I wouldn't have done at least a little differently.

An alpha knows he will die eventually, but he still feels immortal. He feels confident that life will extend second chances. I feel my mortality every hour of every day.