Accept Love.... Accept Love

I am a "Horrible horrible person."
I have believed this to the depth of my being
for my whole life,
and I'll tell you why later in this post.
Last night there was a chain of magical events that opened up some doors within me that caused me to wake up this morning...questioning....and crying.
And thanks to the fact that Taryn was laying there next to me, I think there might just be hope for my salvation yet.
Last night before I sat down to write my " Coming out of the Wierdness Closet" post I was in the kitchen cleaning up, so that when Taryn got up it would be all nice and clean, and a new batch of sauerkraut would be fermenting away. And I went to take my blood pressure pill....the only pill I take because of course I don't want to depart this Earth when I'm living in here in Heaven....and the doctor says I should take it.  Then I thought of how maybe I just have a different metabolism, maybe for me a slightly elevated blood pressure was normal, because a long time ago, maybe 40 years ago our wonderful family physician, Dr. Williams told me that I had a heart that was twice the size of normal peoples hearts. So I figure if my heart is twice the size, then it's probably natural that I'd have a higher blood pressure.
Well then I came to my computer to write my post and when I was done I was thinking about the next chapter of my Coming out of the Wierdness Closet; of what happened next in my wild and crazy life at the time, and I remembered this girl who said she was a witch.... and, well she was. And this crazy time we spent when she and her daughter moved in with me for a short time. And I remembered that I had a letter stashed away for my whole life...that she had written to me, and I thought I'd include that in my post.
I had no idea where this letter might be and was wondering when I looked across the room to my bookshelf and saw a box on the bottom shelf. I knew I had a bunch of pictures there, and maybe..???.. so I went and grabbed it. There was actually two boxes; one full of pictures, and the other full of letters and cards.  EUREKA.  I put the box on my lap and sitting right on top was a letter from Doctor Williams that he must have written me 30 years ago. I had no memory of that letter at all. He said in this letter," Someday you will realize that you are as good as anybody and that you have certain qualities possessed by few." He said I was special...and that I was special to him, and to many. He said that I needed to realize this and that maybe in the future when I grew up I'd realize this...he said,"we can wait".
Well this blew my mind... I had just been thinking about him and how he said I had this double sized heart, and then I found this letter I didn't remember ever seeing. Then I wondered if maybe what he said about my heart was metaphorical.....
NO, Impossible, after all I am a horrible horrible person.
So I set it aside and kept digging through this box and in it were hundreds of letters, all of which were totally new to me, from all these different folks telling me how much they loved me and saying all these nice things....but I never saw them, I never heard their words.... I just stashed them away in this box, and have kept them all through the course of my life locked away.
Now I may be a horrible horrible person, but I have always been a very loving person. I loved all these people whose letters I had stashed away.... I loved them all so deeply..... but when their love came my way I didn't allow myself to see it, or feel it, or accept it....because I knew that this horrible horrible person didn't deserve to be loved.  So I threw them in this box and forgot about them, yet have carried them with me all these years...adding any new ones when I got them.... like throwing them into a black hole, but I guess I was saving them for some reason.
I've never loved myself, and I realize that I've never accepted love from people, not from all those wonderful people that I loved, and love. And even now I realize how I block Taryn's sweet wonderful Love.
When she first moved in with me one of the first things she did was make me stand in front of a mirror and say," I love you" to myself...over and over. I fought her on this, I had such a hard time bringing myself to do this.
So I have this box with all these letters and cards and notes that I don't really remember ever getting because I guess I felt I didn't deserve them. And this morning I was talking to Taryn about all this and she  was talking about accepting "gifts" and she say's, "Think of an innocent, loving, small child coming up to you with expectant eyes, holding out a present in their hands, wanting so much to bring you childlike joy.
Think of how it would break their heart if you didn't accept that gift from them."
God Taryn is soo wonderful.
And I just kept crying and feeling how I didn't deserve any gift from anyone, how I didn't deserve Taryn's sweet love or the love from anyone else..... And she kept telling me all this stuff about how I was such a sweet loving wonderful person and I was just cringing, and pushing her words away.  Then she asked me why I couldn't accept Love. Was there some past life trauma that made me do this, "You are a Horrible Horrible Child".  There it was, I suddenly remembered when I learned what a horrible horrible unworthy person I was. I was seven years old and living in Japan. A little girl my age and I were playing. She asked me to see my Pee Pee, and I was young and innocent and didn't really see why not, and then she showed me hers... WOW, different, totally different, she didn't have a pee pee. Then her Mom found us two sweet little innocent kids and FREAKED OUT. She drug me home to my parents and well I guess all Hell Broke loose. And somewhere in the Melee I was labeled in a loud emotional voice," a horrible horrible child".... And as children do with their elders.... I believed it, and for the rest of my life I felt un deserving of Love. The course of my life was totally colored by this and I closed myself off to Balance. Sure I was the most loving guy, but I didn't accept or ever feel that I deserved to be loved.  That isn't healthy. What we give, we must also receive....that is basic Law..
So the moral of this my friends is that we have to love ourselves....we have to accept love every step of the way and not be condemned by the judgments of others.... And let's give our kids and other peoples kids a break and not lay any of this kind of heavy judgmental crap on their sweet innocent heads, because like I did with that woman way back in 1960 or so, I believed her to the very core of my being...
You are all so lovable.....
accept Love.
And I am Lovable....
I accept Love.

Out of the Wierdness Closet , Meeting the Teacher...and .Returning from a Magical Journey

I think this is Part 8 in a series...

 This is a picture of me way back when, sitting on my meditation spot above Plaskett Creek. Across the way is where Pack Rat jumped off the Cliff... and where the following story took place, on the beach below the cliffs you see in the background.  I was just going through some old stuff looking for something for my next post ( a letter from a Witch) that I know I have but haven't found....when I found this pic that goes with this story.
Fasten your seatbelts, this is another very strange story...

Well I guess we left off with Bud. So by the time Bud got through with me, and on the heels of this Long Magical journey...I must admit I was just a bit FREAKED.  There was so much magical stuff going on every second for the past ...I don't know exactly how long, Month maybe, that I was truly ready to crawl under a rock and hide for the remaining couple of days before I was to go back to Palo Alto to my Philandering wife, and a city where...well, that was a city.  So I left Bud's and headed back to my favorite home base at Plaskett Creek.
I arrived at the campground just as it was getting dark, pulled in my motorhome and didn't even step I say, I was ready to crawl under a rock and hide..."no more magic for a while if you please".... So, I sat without even turning on any lights, and quietly played my twelve string. Mere moments later there was a knock on my door.... CRAP!!!, so much for the underside of this Rock. I opened the door and there was this incredibly breathtaking woman standing there, and she for some reason reminded me of the woman in the picture Jill had drawn, the woman whose face she saw superimposed upon my face, and I saw superimposed on hers. And that face was the face of the angel I saw when I was 8 years old in Japan, and who I saw once while sitting in my car in the parking lot where I worked in Redwood City . And the same face was superimposed on Debbie Hooper who I was takin a break with out there... and she (The Angel/Teacher/whatever was trying to tell me something, but....alas, I was distracted by Debbie Hooper, who was pretty dang cute and in the actual flesh sittin I missed that lesson, but anyway standing there was this beautiful woman.
I might have seemed strange to her, I showed her the pic of the woman and asked if she knew her.... She said she looked kind of familiar.  Anyway this woman's name was Ramona and she was in this Band called the Jimmy Discount Band, and she wanted to know if I wanted to come and Jam with them..... I actually can't remember what happened right after that, but somewhere along the way she got my address and phone number and would a couiple weeks in the future show up with the band who had a gig in Palo Alto, and they stayed at my place.... But I'm pretty sure I declined her offer of the Jam and went to sleep for the night.
Well that whole under the rock idea was just not manifesting because at about 2:00 am there was another knocking on my door. What The Heck!!!?
I say, Who dat when I say Who dat? And he say," It's me Larry.
I don't know if I told you about my wild and crazy genius (on an alternate dimension) friend Larry. But there he was, he had hitchhiked down from the Bay Area...How he knew where I'd be, who knows... But there he was, and he had figured out all this stuff, the main thing I remember was something about how to travel to other planets, but using the mind...but also there was a physical ship powered by the mind involved.. Well he talked about that all night and I guess we finally maybe went to sleep, maybe not. But the next day we went down to the beach.(Sand Dollar Beach).  There was nobody there, the campground was empty now, and there was nobody on the beach. So we went down there and walked way down the beach and sat down lookin out at the waves.
A few minutes went buy and we were looking down the beach and there was this Golden glow. "What the heck is That", Larry asks..... I don't know... But it changes from Gold to sky blue, it's like a upright cocoon moving towards us from down the beach. It keeps changing from gold to blue. Larry (who was a photography (and fencing) instructor at De Anza College), and who always has his camera with him say's, "I'm not even going to try to photograph that." As the blue and gold cocoon gets nearer we start hearing what sounds like flute music. And as it gets still closer Larry say's,"isn't that the woman in the picture on the wall in your Motorhome." Because sure as you know what, inside that gold/blue aura was the woman in the picture with frame of gold (made from a pulverized stone) and Blue from paint I think frame...hanging in my motorhome.  The pic Jill had drawn.  Did I already say Holy S h -- you know what. It sure was her, and what was really weird was that not only did the color of the aura change...but the woman went from being this young beautiful being a very very old beautiful woman...back and forth.
Well Larry say's, "She's oviously here for you, you better go and talk to her..."...
Well " I DON'T THINK SO"....remember the hide under the rock scenario.
  Here is the woman on my wall, that I saw when I was eight and superimposed on Jill and Debbie Hooper. And here she was b4 my eyes, in a gold and blue changing aura, going back and forth from an old to young woman, while flute music was playing out of no where (she didn't have one, and neither did either of us...and we were the only folks around for mile.... ) NO, I don't think so.
Well at that point Larry informs me that he has a class to teach that night and better start hitch hiking back if he wants to make it in time, he tells me I should talk to her...and walks off down the beach.
Well about the time he's gone, the woman who excudes beauty and grace walks (OH, I didn't mention that she had gone and sat on the beach behind us)  anyway she walks past me and out into the ocean..... She dives into the ocean, looking not as human as maybe some incredibly graceful creature that was meant to dive and swim...and she dives into a wave then comes FLYING up out of the water maybe 30 feet up into the ain, then dives back down into the water, and flys up again, as far into the sky as I can see till she's a little dot, then comes flying back down into the water..
I'm outta here.
So I took off down the beach and headed up to the cliffs overlooking the beach.... But I couldn't leave.  I went on the cliff above where she was and climbed up into a small tree, and sat there and watched her. I watched her all day ( I got totally sun burned). But I sat and watched her flying...and diving, and doing this dance on the beach that felt like.... hmm, like her tribute to the Ocean. I watched and watched and finally I started to see what she was showing me.  She wasn't "Flying" like Superman, or a bird, but she was showing me what I've come to call,"the cords of God." And she was lifting herself with these cords, she was using them to do all these remarkable feats.  Some of you may have seen these cords before in Heightened states of consciousness.... I also call them the Web of Creation, because they connect everything in this huge Golden Web.  Anyway she was trying to tell me some things, And I suppose she did, because occasionally when I'm operating at the same frequency as that day...I remember.  But not right now.  So anyway I sit and watch and who know what the hecks going on on another level, when I finally get up my guts and decide to go down and talk to her...POOF, Holy Crap, some old dude in coveralls and a straw hat, and long white hair and a beard just instantly appeared about 15 feet away from her. I was looking down there and Poof, there he suddenly was. OK, scratch the plan of going and talking to her.  Then I watched them, and it was weird, it was like they were attached by an invisable ...something, that kept them always exactly the same distance apart as they walked down the beach.  Then she did this little dance that felt to me like a Good-by to the ocean...And it felt final, and sad. And she flew up in the air and did her diving thing again, then they started walking off up the beach to leave by the stairs.  That was my que to take Rattlesnake Gulch back to camp in order to avoid any possible contact with them,,,,,
Get me Outa here!!!
Now I gotta tell you something really freaky.
A while back I did something I very rarely do....
I looked in the mirror,
and what I saw there was an old guy,
wearing a straw hat and coveralls,
and who had long white hair and a beard...
and I saw in the reflection the person I had seen appear 15 feet from her on the beach 35 years ago.
  It was me, now....who suddenly appeared.
Well I went back to the city and I think my wife told me that day when I arrived that she was leaving me.... PERFECT... I had sent Jill packing, and was back in the city that I did not like, and Janine was shackin up with my ex best friend.   (who was never really a friend at all, that's just what Janine kept tellin me).  Well Ramona and the band showed up at the same time another Guy and Girl I met somewhere along the way, Christian and Maria. They were in the same Plaskett Creek camp where and when I met Jill. They lived in a double decker bus, and I kinda liked Maria because she was extremely cute and had a thing about never wearing a shirt.  Well all these folks show up at the same time, in my small studio apartment, in a quiet old ivy covered place . A band and Christian and Maria all sleeping on my floor.
Then I got a letter from Jill, in it was another drawing... It was a drawing of the woman on the Beach, as she looked when she looked old. She said that when she saw her superimposed on my face, she saw the young woman, but also the old woman, but hadn't had time to draw that when she was staying with me. ( and never mentioned that aspect of it either).  I'd scan that pic too if I still had it but I gave it to my Step Son a few years ago, he was living with some Swami dude who was channeling her and said her name was "Grandmother Spider".. Well I don't know about all that but I gave the pic to Morgan, my step son.... so can't share it with you.  She had also met an Indian guy with the last name something like Meawasege and they were getting married. HOLY COW, that was fast.
So that was the end of that Magical Road trip.
Not long after that a genuine "Witch" named Ariel and her daughter Josey moved in with me ...that's another story about a time when I was trapped in the dualistic notion that Light must Battle Darkness...and Ariel and I went at it.... And I'm pretty sure I lost that one.... Then I moved into a tree house built in between 4 redwood trees in a place called Redwood Terrace, that was a moonshine capitol on the 20's.  Then It got seriously crazy scary with the a person named Jane who burned down my friends house and the place I got some power from for my treehouse. So I guess I'll tell you all those strories before I tell you about the German coming back and showing me the most incredible invention of all....the Healing/Mind Control machine.
Stay tuned....

OH, This Angel/Teacher/Whatever woman shows up again many years later superimposed upon another person's face. But I promised this person I wouldn't talk about her, so I won't be able to tell you much about that. But the "Teacher" led me to a woman I've spent time with in a bunch of lives, and I suppose I'll have to tell you about all that minus reference to the woman in this life.....because I'm coming all the way out of this "closet of weirdness" that was my life...that I've kept hidden so as not to be judged...

What is Intolerance?

I love social sites, and I'm an active member of quite a few. I day or so ago there was a post on one of my sites with a woman asking what Intolerance is... I found the question to be odd, I always just assumed the idea of tolerance vs. intolerance was rather a black and white one. But then I started reading through the answers and posts from other women and was truly amazed! So I felt, seeing how tolerance is spoke of so often in the Pagan community, that it was important to cover the subject here as well.

To understand the concept of tolerance we must first understand why it's so important. Our world is made up of Trillions of different people, and none of us are exactly like any other. For this very reason tolerance is something that should be a basic way of life. So what does it mean to really be tolerant? Tolerance is the understanding that every one of us is different and the acceptance that not everyone is going to agree with or like our way of life, and that we aren't going to like all of theirs, but that those simple differences in opinion, beliefs or genetic factors are not enough of a basis for hate.

Today, thankfully, we live in a society where racism and sexism are generally looked down on when it comes to businesses and organizations. However, when personal beliefs are racist or sexist people tend to just ignore it rather than ruffle feathers. While hate on the basis of religion, sexuality and lifestyle are still the norm in many communities around the country, and the world.

So where does a simple difference in opinion end and intolerance begin? Very simply a difference of opinion simply requires a difference in thinking, but doesn't allow for a basis of hate. You can disagree with homosexual lifestyles without hating homosexuals or without disliking someone based solely on their sexuality. It's only when those differences in opinion lead to the refusal to accept the basic differences in people which creates intolerance and hate. Acceptance is the key to tolerance!

So, our original question was "what is intolerance?" Basically intolerance is the refusal to accept that we are all different. While it's easy to see how people can take our most basic aspects and use them to create hate, it's more important to learn to see past those subtle differences. Human nature in part drives us all to look for reasons to be better than out neighbor. Each religion teaches the basic idea of loving those around us and not harming others. However a great many of them also teach that those on different paths are wrong. So how can we expect others to be tolerant and be loyal to their own beliefs. Again, it comes down to the acceptance that others are different. If we can learn to accept that others think, feel and believe differently than we do and that they are in no way better or worse than we are because of that fact we can conquer intolerance.

Blessed Litha!!!

History of Litha (MidSummer)

Also known as Summer Solstice, Litha, Alban Hefin, Sun Blessing, Gathering Day, Feill-Sheathain, Whit Sunday, Whitsuntide, Vestalia, Thing-tide, St. John's Day

In addition to the four great festivals of the Pagan Celtic year, there are four lesser holidays as well: the two solstices, and the two equinoxes. In folklore, these are referred to as the four 'quarter-days' of the year, and modern Witches call them the four 'Lesser Sabbats', or the four 'Low Holidays'. The Summer Solstice is one of them.

Litha is usually celebrated on June 21st, but varies somewhat from the 20th to the 23rd, dependant upon the Earth's rotation around the Sun. According to the old folklore calendar, Summer begins on Beltane (May 1st) and ends on Lughnassadh (August 1st), with the Summer Solstice midway between the two, marking MID-Summer. This makes more logical sense than suggesting that Summer begins on the day when the Sun's power begins to wane and the days grow shorter. The most common other names for this holiday are the Summer Solstice or Midsummer, and it celebrates the arrival of Summer, when the hours of daylight are longest. The Sun is now at the highest point before beginning its slide into darkness.

Humanity has been celebrating Litha and the triumph of light since ancient times. On the Wheel of the Year Litha lies directly across from Yule, the shortest day of the calendar year, that cold and dark winter turning when days begin to lengthen and humanity looks wistfully toward warmth, sunlight and growing things. Although Litha and Yule are low holidays or lesser sabats in the ancient parlance, they are celebrated with more revel and merriment than any other day on the wheel except perhaps Samhain (my own favourite). The joyous rituals of Litha celebrate the verdant Earth in high summer, abundance, fertility, and all the riches of Nature in full bloom. This is a madcap time of strong magic and empowerment, traditionally the time for handfasting or weddings and for communication with the spirits of Nature. At Litha, the veils between the worlds are thin; the portals between "the fields we know" and the worlds beyond stand open. This is an excellent time for rites of divination.

Those who celebrated Litha did so wearing garlands or crowns of flowers, and of course, their millinery always included the yellow blossoms of St. John's Wort. The Litha rites of the ancients were boisterous communal festivities with morris dancing, singing, storytelling, pageantry and feasting taking place by the village bonfire and torch lit processions through the villages after dark. People believed that the Litha fires possessed great power, and that prosperity and protection for oneself and one's clan could be earned merely by jumping over the Litha bonfire. It was also common for courting couples joined hands and jump over the embers of the Litha fire three times to ensure a long and happy marriage, financial prosperity and many children. Even the charred embers from the Litha bonfire possessed protective powers - they were charms against injury and bad wwweather in harvest time, and embers were commonly placed around fields of grain and orchards to protect the crops and ensure an abundant reaping. Other Litha customs included carrying an ember of the Litha fire home and placing it on one's hearth and decking one's home with birch, fennel, St. John's Wort, orpin, and white lilies for blessing and protection.

The Litha Sabbat is a time to celebrate both work and leisure, it is a time for children and childlike play. It is a time to celebrate the ending of the waxing year and the beginning of the waning year, in preparation for the harvest to come. Midsummer is a time to absorb the Sun's warming rays and it is another fertility Sabbat, not only for humans, but also for crops and animals. Wiccans consider the Goddess to be heavy with pregnancy from the mating at Beltane - honor is given to Her. The Sun God is celebrated as the Sun is at its peak in the sky and we celebrate His approaching fatherhood - honor is also given to Him. The faeries abound at this time and it is customary to leave offerings - such as food or herbs - for them in the evening.

Although Litha may seem at first glance to be a masculine observance and one which focuses on Lugh, the day is also dedicated to the Goddess, and Her flowers are the white blossoms of the elder.


Rededication to the Lord and Lady, beginning of the harvest, honoring the Sun God,
honoring the pregnant Godddess

Crowning of the Sun God, death of the Oak King, assumption of the Holly King,
end the ordeal of the Green Man

Tools, Symbols & Decorations
The sun, oak, birch & fir branches, sun flowers, lilies, red/maize/yellow or gold flower, love amulets, seashells, summer fruits & flowers, feather/flower door wreath, sun wheel, fire, circles of stone, sun dials and swords/blades, bird feathers, Witches' ladder.

Blue, green, gold, yellow and red.

Bonfires, processions, all night vigil, singing, feasting, celebrating with others, cutting
divining rods, dowsing rods & wands, herb gathering, handfastings, weddings, Druidic
gathering of mistletoe in oak groves, needfires, leaping between two fires, mistletoe
(without berries, use as a protection amulet), women walking naked through gardens
to ensure continued fertility, enjoying the seasonal fruits & vegetables, honor the
Mother's fullness, richness and abundance, put garlands of St. John’s Wort placed
over doors/ windows & a sprig in the car for protection.

Mother Earth, Mother Nature, Venus, Aphrodite, Yemaya, Astarte, Freya, Hathor,
Ishtar, all Goddesses of love, passion, beauty and the Sea, and Pregnant,
lusty Goddesses, Green Forest Mother; Great One of the Stars, Goddess of the Wells


Father Sun/Sky, Oak King, Holly King, Arthur, Gods at peak power and strength.

Animals/Mythical Beings
Wren, robin, horses, cattle, satyrs, faeries, firebird, dragon, thunderbird

Lapis lazuli, diamond, tiger’s eye, all green gemstones, especially emerald and jade

Anise, mugwort, chamomile, rose, wild rose, oak blossoms, lily, cinquefoil, lavender,
fennel, elder, mistletoe, hemp, thyme, larkspur, nettle, wisteria, vervain ( verbena),
St. John’s wort, heartsease, rue, fern, wormwood, pine,heather, yarrow,
oak & holly trees

Heliotrope, saffron, orange, frankincense & myrrh, wisteria, cinnamon, mint, rose, lemon, lavender, sandalwood, pine

Nature spirit/fey communion, planet healing, divination, love & protection magicks.
The battle between Oak King, God of the waxing year & Holly King, God of the waning
year (can be a ritual play), or act out scenes from the Bard’s (an incarnation of Merlin)
"A Midsummer Night’s Dream", rededication of faith, rites of inspiration.

Honey, fresh vegetables, lemons, oranges, summer fruits, summer squash,
pumpernickel bread, ale, carrot drinks, mead.
1. The Difficulty of Compassion

OK, we’ve all been told what a wonderful and noble and good thing Compassion is.
 In fact some have called Jesus, ”the Lord of Compassion”, some call Buddah this.
Well I’m going to put a whole new slant on this, and also acknowledge this aspect of humanity, and the difficulties it brings to those who …. Are Compassionate.
First lets get this word, ”compassion” defined for this discussion here, as there are as many ideas in folks minds about what this is….as there are folks to think about it, so lets be concise.   Com = with and Passion= a strong emotional feeling. Does that sound about Right. This is what it means: a sharing of a strong emotion. We understand another persons feelings; we “feel” for them.  And the thing about compassion is we can feel it on such deep levels, we can feel compassion for the Earth, or for all living things…Many compassionate people become involved in humanitarian and ecological endeavors. Many of the most compassionate people I know are what you’d call radical warriors for their causes. Many of them feel such a deep pain for things that they feel compassion with; that are being hurt in some way generally by the foolishness of other humans.  These people on one level we could call Heroes, but on another level we can call them weak fools.
Now I’m gonna tell you the hard truth about, ”Compassion”.

Once upon a time in a bog a man fell into some quicksand.
He could not get free, and very very slowly he was sinking.
One day a stranger was passing by and the sinking man called out to him for help.
And this stranger was a very compassionate man
He knew what it was like to be sinking slowly in quicksand…
He felt deeply the sinking mans fear, because he had known that himself in the past.
And being a compassionate man he dove in the quicksand to save the man.
In fact he didn’t have to dive in,
it sort of just magically happened as soon as he identified with the other mans fear..
And now there were two men sinking in the bog.
Well there must have been a lot of compassionate folks in the nearby town because before long there were ten compassionate men sinking there together….
All drowning in the same fear.   (All together with each others strong emotion)
But then a man with no compassion whatsoever came walking by
They all cried out to him to save them
He walked over to the edge of the quicksand, but wasn’t magically pulled in like the others had been, as soon as they identified with the others fear… Rather he just stood there, looked the situation over, grabbed a big stick…and one by one pulled the drowning men from the quicksand.

OK, what is the moral of this story ?

If one man is lost in the darkness of their fear
Being “with them” (compassionate) in that darkness
Removes our ability to be any real assistance to them.
Passion is emotion, in fact you could define passion as a very strong emotion.
Com-passion implies jumping into another’s “strong emotion” possibly to help them out.
I’ve heard it said that sharing it makes it less….
It doesn’t, where there was one person suffering some form of “darkness”
Now there are two….
What’s the point of that.
When we “share a strong emotion”
Which is a real good concise definition of Compassion
It does not reduce it…
It doubles it.
It’s jumping in to the quicksand, to save a drowning man.
Nobody benefits.
But if you can stand alongside your brother who might be drowning in some fear or whatever..
And if you can stand there, and remain silent….and open your heart…..
You just might be able to save them.
But never with compassion do you really succeed in helping another.
You know there is another name for the Lords of Compassion
“Drama Kings and Queens….”
These are some of the most compassionate folks.
Compassion ties us to emotions within ourselves,
that have roots deep in our past.
We are bound to our past,
through our compassion.
It's best to be totally present when we are interacting in our world.
Compassion makes this impossible...

Replace your Compassion
With Love
Then you can really be of Service….

So you with the pamphlet standin at my door,
 don’t be sellin me your, ”Lord of Compassion”….
You can come back when your selling the “Lord of Love”.

And to you wonderful folks out there doing all that compassionate work to save the world…
Getting all worked up about what is wrong with the world…
what’s being done to the plants and animals and humans and planet.
As soon as you “get all worked up”,
you have lost the battle and instead of being a useful “warrior” for a cause,
you have become a casualty…..
You can’t help when you are drowning in “an intense emotion”
When you are “Being with” passion
you become part of the problem...not part of the solution.
 Rather Be with Love
Be at Peace..
And become useful…
Compassion and Love can not exist in the same place at the same time…
Love is from the heart….
Emotion from the head and belly
Totally different bodily centers…
Love is a quiet eternal thing
Passion is a noisy whirling tornado
Again I’ll say,
Replace “Being with Passion”
With Love.

Retraction of the Ultrasound debacle and A short Glimpse into a very Weird Mind

Retraction of the Ultrasound debacle and
A short Glimpse into a very Weird Mind

He He, I’ve gotta tell you about a bad habit I have..
And it is this: I expect people to understand exactly what I’m talking about all the time, even though 95% of the time my tongue is so far into my cheek….that it entirely enters an alternate dimension. From my Dad I inherited this crazy wonderful fun (for me) he he sense of humor….so 95% of the time I’m coming at any particular topic, from an angle that totally cracks me up…. But I have to be serious about it, because it has to be delivered totally straight….. But the funniest part of all is that 95% of the time folks don’t even know I’m makin a joke, so how can they possibly get the punchline.  Yet I’ll just keep rollin them off one after the other….. it sometimes drives Taryn nuts…and then I try to stop myself….. But usually not until after I’ve given people some really weird ideas about, ”where I’m coming from”.  I was a Heyoka the lifetime before last, and try as I may I haven’t really been able to shake that…   The reason I bring all this up right now is because of the recent perfect examples of this…. Number one was the Joke about Getting an Ultrasound and from that seeing that we had a very handsome little boy…… JUST KIDDING. WE DID NOT GET AN ULTRASOUND…. That whole spiel about not caring if our kids suffered from hearing problems because that was what hearing aids were for….. because it was more important for us to find out the baby’s sex…. THAT WAS A JOKE……
And today at Market….. Taryn did not hit me on the head with a frying pan….that big knot on my forehead came in even a more bizarre way.
Yesterday a neighbor showed up to escort a couple of our roosters to his stew pot.   They were brats, our 16 girls have no feathers in their backs because these dudes were all about “taking care of business” in a major way…. All the freakin time….and the girls were suffering… These old guys are as tough as a shoe, we found that out with Chantacleer who the neighbors dog got into and we had to kill….. he was too tough to eat…. So I gave these two roosters to our neighbor….he grinds up the meat and really appreciates it.   But first I had to catch the roosters.  Well for all you folks that have ever had to catch a rooster you know how they’ll charge and attack your leg….but this dude caught me totally off guard with a really major HEAD BUTT.  I got freakin head butted by a dang chicken, raised a big black and blue knot……. Ouch   So today I’m in the booth with my honey, and I told that story to our neighbor…. Then I said, well actually that’s just what I tell people so I don’t have to tell them that Taryn hit me in the head with a frying pan….at that point the Neighbor high fived Taryn for hitting me in the head with a frying pan…. I WAS KIDDING AGAIN, but later Taryn made the point that I was very convincing in my delivery, and quite easily someone could take me seriously….
So this is my bad habit… I always expect people to understand exactly where I’m coming from, even though I’ve make every effort to lead people down some humorous rabbit hole..   Maybe I need to make a really funny face about 5 seconds after the straight line, so folks know that what I just said seriously is not the road to go down…


Every time our number on the wait list moves closer I get excited. I'm not sure what it will feel like when we get the call matching us to our daughter. I can only imagine it will be a rush of emotions. As we get closer, I can start to imagine her face, and what it will be like to see her in person for the first time. For now, I start to imagine a chain of events that will eventually lead her to our family. I pray daily for her and for her family. I pray for the pain her mother must be going through as she ultimately puts her baby in the hands of a stranger. I cannot imagine the desperation of giving my child away yet I know in my heart that God has chosen us for this purpose.

I read recently on another adoptive mom's blog about her response when people ask her why she's adopting. In her case, she already has 3 biological children and from what most would think a happy full family. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and although in remission still faces the daily reality that she may not be around to see her soon to be adoptive daughter grow up. Yet, in her words, she knows that she completes the missing puzzle piece in her Ethiopian daughter's life and she too in theirs.

What a beautiful picture. Our Lord is not wasteful. Our Lord is not late. So, when I think about our "number" I know that while I wait He is preparing our daughter to complete both of our puzzles.

Ultrasound Pictures of our little baby (amazing)

Well we weren't going to do the ultrasound to find out what sex our little baby was going to be. They really don't know the safety aspects of it and blasting a fetus with high powered ultra sound waves didn't seem like a great idea....Plus we know folks who did it for some of their kids and not others...and the kids they did it on had hearing problems..... but we decided.... What the heck, that's what they make hearing aids for and we went ahead and did it, and boy are we glad we did. This has got to be the cutest baby I've ever seen, and so well formed and all already.  It"s a boy.  We can't show you the part that made identification so obvious because it was just so amazingly impressive it might make the female viewers swoon...but here is a nice pic of the cute little tykes face...  I am such a happy Dad via modern technology.

On Christ, the Solid Rock I stand

When I heard this song last week, it occurred to me how much has changed in our family's "foundation" these last few months. I don't think you ever know how strong your foundation is until its tested - and we've had our fair share of testing. We certainly haven't "passed" but rather survived and ultimately grown through these experiences. His word is clear about building our lives on a solid foundation and not on the shifting sands of the world. Although we certainly haven't conquered all of our fears, we have grown as a family and are putting much more effort in building our foundation in Him. I know that with His strength and grace that we are going to experience amazing things in the future. We already have...from His provision for us during job loss to provision for us to adopt to emotional stability in our family. I'm so excited for what He has in store for us, and I know that if we stand on His word that we will withstand the storms of life.

Wonderful People

When I was growing up my fondest memories were of coming to Oregon and visiting my Uncle Lee and Aunt Isla...and my cousins Lorrie and Cherrie (Cheryl).  They are most likely the reason I ended up finally living here...and pretty much "How" I live here.
We were always met first thing with the biggest warmest hugs from Aunt Isla. It was like being surrounded in arms of love. She was the ultimate Aunt for a kid. Her home always smelled like something good cooking. And everything they had around the house just had so much..... hmm, Life, in it. It was like being tucked into bed by an angel, just walking through their front door.
Uncle Lee was a "Man's Man". I thought he looked like Dean Martin, only more rugged... He was an ultimate hunter and fisherman, and could track a butterfly on a stormy dark night. He took us on adventures where we got to cross a raging stream in a rainstorm with a human bridge...and he'd torch up an old sapwood snag and we'd all stand there feeling toasty and alive in the rain. 
Lorrie and Cherrie were the ultimate "country girls"... like really really girly...but also Tom Boys.  What more could I ever dream of in a cousin?
They had chickens in the chicken yard and a dog...and pet skunk layin under the porch... logger friends would come over and hearing them cuss out there in the kitchen as we were going to sleep.. (it's just part of the language....not like anything intense or really negative), but just the language, but it wasn't a language I ever heard, and it felt like, as we went to bed....that maybe we were pirates all on a ship on a great adventure, or maybe a hunting party going out to bring in some meat for our families....and for sure, as I fell asleep....I was excited about whatever the next days adventures would be..
There was always hard work to be done...and I loved that...cuttin wood, I love cuttin wood, probably did my first wood splitting there, and kindling making....  OMG, and the deer jerky Uncle Lee made was always the favorite thing I got for Christmas. Every year we got a package with incredible baked things (cookies, etc. ) and jams that Aunt Isla made. And in that package was a substance I would have been willing to kill, and die for...... It was that deer Jerky.  Now I was about the most talented guy in the world when it came to taking apart Christmas packages (sorry Mom) as soon as they'd arrive...without leaving a trace. So every year I'd grab just about enough of that jerky to not be noticed as missing, and I'd lovingly keep it under my pillow until Christmas which was usually a couple weeks away. So I'd lay there at night smelling that smokey and salty smell of that jerky. I'd just peel off tiny slices and savor it.. "It was the Alder, and sometimes Vine Maple" , uncle Lee said made the diff. And I believe he was right, because that's been my experience.... Alder and vine Maple make such good Jerky.
I was a pretty old guy when Uncle Lee passed away, but I cried and cried... 
Aunt Isla lives not really all that far from here, and it's funny....I've seen her maybe a couple or few times in the last 20 years....which is crazy because I love her so much.... But she has such a large presence in my heart....that I feel like she's always here.... it's kind of hard to explain. 
I keep this picture of them on my work table so I see them alot, but I gotta get over there sometime.

A few of the New Pieces for Market today

Lots of trees, inlays and carvings

Come by and visit us...

The Tool Box: The Wand

I think one tool you'll find in just about every witch is going to have is a wand. It tends to be the "golden standard" if for no other reason than we all grow up with this image of a witch and her wand! But why do we use wands? What are they really for? What do they do? Do some work better than others? With all the mis-information and conjecture out there it's easy to understand why the answers to these questions aren't "basic" knowledge. But, I am going to clear all that up!

Like many other tools the wand has quite a long history. In fact although it's not widely known, Egyptian Pharaoh's very often carried a wand. Today we see images of them with a scepter, and "crook", but this would not have been their every day wear so to speak. The Pharaohs "Gods" to their people, so a wand was a given through day to day life.

The Greek God Hermes was also pictured with a wand, and today his wand is used as our common day symbol for "healthcare" with it's winged head and two intertwining snakes.

Wands are also pictured in myths from Norse, Celtic, Asian and even Arthurian decent which date back to pre-history. Today it's rare we see a modern day movie witch without a wand in her hand. Even Harry Potter and his friends have their own wands as well as a huge workup around finding and using just the right one... Wands have become a huge part of the "witches stigma" and the mental picture we all have of what a witch "should" look like.

Now, you'll never hear me say that a witch should or shouldn't have this or that... But there isn't just fiction behind all these appearances of a wand through history or in today's world. So while it's not a NEED for a witch to have or use a wand, it does tend to be a great benefit and generally it's a classic and widely used tool that you'll find in most witches tool kits.

So, what is a wand? Well, you'll find wands made of any number of materials. Some are wood, others stone, others metal and still others are glass or crystal. But no matter what the material all wands have the same basic use. A wand is an extension of YOU. They are used to guide, focus and project YOUR ENERGY in to your intended goal.

Because the wand is a phallic symbol it is also used to represent the God or male aspects of the Deity and his energy, power and virility.  You'll also find that through most traditions the wand will represent the element of Air, although through a few it represents fire. The wand is used to consecrate a sacred space, or to invoke a deity.

So, where do you find your own wand and how do you choose between all your options?

Well, it may seem like there are an endless amount of options here - and there really are. But once you start your search you'll find that it's easy to narrow down the search quickly. First, the question should be what material are YOU most comfortable with? What makes you feel "extended?" Your wand should feel like an extension of your body and your energy, so if you reach for it and feel no like it's just another object, it's not an extension of you. So think about yourself and your connections, what things make you feel connected to the world around you? Is it a certain tree? Maybe a stone or gem?

If you would prefer purchase your wand you may not have the chance to handle it before you buy, especially if you buy online or from a catalog. So your best bet here is to take a walk through nature or even through a home store. Lay your hands on different woods, metals and stones. Where do you feel the most energy flow? Those are the best options for you when picking a wand.

If you would prefer to make your own wand you will have all the time to find just the perfect materials. Again, take some time to find the perfect fallen branch or the perfect piece of pipe to reuse... Or maybe the perfect stone. Whatever it is it should be about 12 to 18 inches in length and feel comfortable in your hands. Most home made wands are wood, but again, you always have options and if you are more comfortable with other materials, don't be afraid to use them. And you always have the option to add stones, ribbons, carvings, or any thing else you need to your wand - MAKE IT YOURS!

The last note I feel it's important to note is that your wand does not have any power in and of itself. It's simply an extension of YOU, I can't stress that enough. YOU have the power, you have the energy... The wand is just a way to help YOUR MIND focus that energy and use it...  You can't pick up a wand and become Glenda, because you are already everything you need. Believe in yourself and know that with or without a wand, you have everything you need!

OH Yay Yi Yo Ho

OH Yay Yi Yo Ho

"Don’t shun the Light just because you are afraid it might expose something that you have judged as Darkness. "

Sometimes when I am starting to meditate, and often when I am working I find myself speaking 2 different “languages”. Well, three if you count English.
It just flows out from Feelings or thoughts. 
It is so natural that I never really noticed it until Taryn pointed it out….
Still I’ll be into some long expression before I realize I'm not speaking English.
One language is very Primal, very simple short sounds , aboriginal. It’s very grounding and healing to me when I speak it.
The other language is the one my daughter spoke on the day she was born, I should say, ”orated”.
She gave me a long speech right after she was born as her Mother slept.  This language is very joyful, sing songy…kinda like a birds song…. More on the level of tiny cymbols, whereas the other one is more on the level of a digereedo.
Anyway I never think about the words or what they mean because they are simply an expression of a thought or feeling and this is their most natural way to flow out for me…. But as I have been becoming more aware of it, I pay a little closer attention to the process.
Anyway a few minutes ago I was just starting to meditate ……
Yikes, I just realized something.  Sometimes the words come before the thought and feeling….  
Anyway I was just getting ready for a much needed meditation when the following phrase escaped my lips,
“Oh Yay Yi Yo Ho"……
And being more on top of it than usual, my mind goes, ”What?”.
Then the answer ….the thought and feeling was,
” Don’t shun the Light just because you are afraid it might expose something that you have judged as Darkness….."

I wonder how often we do just that?
Oh Yay Yi Yo Ho

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section C: I Meet Bud and he clarifies a Past Life for me.

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section C:  I Meet Bud and he clarifies a Past Life for me.

So Jill and Steve road off into the sunset and I guess I must have teleported that motorhome up out of that sand pit….and I too was down the road.
It was kind of late so I just went a little ways that night to a trailer park that was either in or right on the edge of that Military Reserve. It was really interesting thrusting myself into this astral quagmire that that there trailer park just happened to be. Crazy energy everywhere….and there I was, unlike my normal self, smack dab in the middle of it. That night I had a dream that I was driving along and saw three dead owls on the side of the road. The next morning I got up and went to wash my clothes in the little Laundromat that was there. I put my clothes in then got em washed than put them in the dryer. Then I guess I went back to my motorhome for a while.  After a while I went back and took out my clothes. As I was standing there with my laundry in my arms this huge Indian walks in the door. He ducked his head as he came in, he might have been Navajo, I remember he was triangular like Navajo’s. And he’s screaming and yelling and getting really crazy and violent in my direction like nothin I’d ever seen. It seems some of his laundry got mixed into mine.  I don’t remember exactly what happened next…’s one of those things where in order to remember you have to be energetically in the same place, which I’m not right now, and have only been a few times since that episode with the Indian…..but whatever it was he ended up crying (from sadness) like a baby while I tried to console him.   Then he kinda sobered up and I saw he was getting embarrassed, so I walked out the door.
Just then this Jeep pulls up, and I see hanging from the mirror a buzzards feather, but not just any buzzards feather, it was the “speed” feather (as I call it) from that buzzard that led me on the little exploration back at the camp, the one with the 90 degree bend in the end.
So I asked one of the soldiers where he got it, he said that it was strange, just earlier that day they were driving along and it fell right into their Jeep from out of the sky, then he asked me if I wanted it….. and I don’t know why, but I said no…. Then I went back to my Motorhome, and hit the road, heading south down I 5.  So I’m cruising on probably cogitating on all the intense experiences I recently had…and all these questions were arising…kind of like a flood, one following the next. Then I saw it….an owl on the side of the road, I was cruising too fast and decided I’d get the next one, but there it was and I was still moving too fast, so I slowed down and kept my eyes pealed… There it was, the third owl. I got out, waited  for cars to pass and went over to pick it up. ( I admit it, I was road kill guy, I liked feathers, and porcupine quills and armadillo and turtle shells, and there are places where these are as frequently found as beer cans on the roadside outside Redneck USA.  ) So I went over there. It was a beautiful barn owl with a snake in it’s claws…and a mouse in the snakes mouth. They all seemed recently dead, so I bagged em all up.
Here is a photo of what I made from it, it’s pretty old now and kinda falling apart, but you can get the idea.  In it’s beak it holds the snakes vertebrae, and below that are some of the mouse’s bones. ( I once won an award in an art show for it and got my pic in the local paper.)_ 
Cool, score.  I headed back down the road.  At some point there was a cutoff to the coast that came out somewhere near Santa Barbara. You had to go over the coast range….and I did.  So I was cruising along and felt this odd pull, like I was supposed to go somewhere, but had no idea where…then I saw this Rock Shop and pulled over and went in.  There was an old guy with a twinkling eye ( I think the other had a patch, and I think he had a peg leg… really, but I can’t be sure with this guy. )  Remember how I said I had all these questions one on top of another going through my head…. Well this guy, whose name was Bud, just sequentially started answering them before I said anything but “Hi”.. I was hypnotized. He had some crazy kind of temple dog inside his sleeve that he told me some story about “Power” in relation to. Then he told me another story, he said that Power comes from Peace, and that the most peaceful folk in the world were a tribe in Africa that I think he called the Bantu.  He said he was over there in the War (WW2) and that he had a Bantu driver. One day he went to town to pick up his mail and while he went over to the Post Office the Bantu driver stayed back at the Jeep. Well he went in and was takin care of business and when he came out he looked across the way towards his Jeep and there were 3 Nazi’s yelling at the Bantu, and he was down on the ground and they were kicking him.  He started running over there because he saw that one of them was threatening with his bayonet like he was going to kill the Bantu.  He got there and the Bantu was standing now, as were the three Nazi soldiers, then one by one the Nazi’s heads tumbled off and they fell to the ground. Bud said that Bantu’s carried knives in the back of their pants…and that they live in a place of Peace, but if their Life is threatened, will protect themselves. Then he said he had to get the Bantu out of town before all hell broke loose. He told me a bunch more stuff about Peace, and Power, and showed me this stone
…and he kept telling me these scenes and I would see them very clearly in the rock, then he’d say something totally different…and I’d see that….he did this a bunch of times then told me something about how he did it. And then told me why he did it, something about "suggestion" and the human mind.  Then something he said reminded me of a vivid memory I have from I supposed was my last life. It was a memory of being a monk in this monastery in Tibet.  I can remember having this memory from before I could talk, like a few others that I was told were my imagination. And I started telling Bud this memory.  And what was happening was all of us monks were lined up in front of the monastery. We had been told that they were coming and that we would probably be killed, but that we mustn’t fight or lose our Peace.  Well I remember I wasn’t entirely happy with this scenario and thought that we could work it out…. But had no choice but to do what my Teacher had told me. ( I think years later I saw a movie where this might have happened and it kind of freaked me out). Because what the deal was was that as this one main dude walked down the line of the monks, he would stop in front of each, and if they would bow to him, he would spare their lives.  Well I guess my name was Wilson back then too, because I was at the dang end of that line (W’s always at the end). So I’m watching out of the corner of my eye as all my Brothers are being shot in the head. Well they came to me and I didn’t bow either…. At least that is what I said to Bud, and then I was shot.  Just then Bud say’s, “you did bow your head, but just a little” I was there and I saw it.  And I knew he was right…. I don’t know why he was there watching this horrible event, or in Africa with the Bantu’s, some kind of government job I thought.   Anyway when he told me that I just kind of shut down, pushed it out of my mind, told him I’d better go….he gave me the stone, and I left.
Now that was one of those memories that we humans are so good at suppressing, because when he told me that I just instantly pushed it aside, took any energy from it.  But finally many years later (just a few ago)
I faced it, and what it was was that on that day when all my Brothers held their heads high, it wasn’t that I was bowing down, but rather I couldn’t bear to look in the mans face, so I bowed my head down…. And the damn sucker shot me anyway, which is cool, it was all part of the plan, or so my Teacher had said, of kind of splitting us all up, and spreading us all around the next time where we could do more good. It seems all over the world there were these little pockets, where certain groups of souls had always gravitated to carry on …. Spiritual pursuits, and there in Tibet we were working on subtle levels to bring about Peace and love in Humanity, but now somewhere somebody who had a lot more spiritual clout than I did, decided we needed to split up….so we weren’t supposed to take it too badly.  But I took it real badly because my last thought was one of ultimate shame….because I thought that I had accidentally dishonored my Brothers and Teacher by bowing my head….. And I had pushed this aside to hide from myself, and all that energy I put towards keeping it hidden, just fed it more….and it grew in the dark into a demon that would taunt me from the shadows of my being…..  But the fact that Bud exposed it, even though it was many years later when I allowed it, allowed me to face it in the Light of Truth, and release some of it’s hold on me. Though I still feel like I need to apologize and explain myself to my Teacher and Brothers….
Well like a bat hastily escaping Hell I flew out of that rock shop and on down the road.. Pretty darned freaked out by recent events and just wanting to crawl into a hole a while until the day I was to go home. But that wasn’t going to happen.  I was about to meet the woman I saw superimposed upon Jills face, the same face that was on the angel that came to my room when I was 8 years old. She was going to show me something about "the cords of Man".And my magical friend Larry who somehow had known where I’d be showed up that night and got to see her too.

I’m afraid I’ve left out some major parts of the experience with Bud, but maybe sometime I’ll be vibrating at that frequency, and can share it in writing.

Earthsong Waldorf Farm School

I spent last week carving this sign for the Decks. Taryn did her magical organic and playful, earthy and sweet and fun script for it.  And that was perfect because it was for a Waldorf School at the Deck’s Farm.  If I was a kid that lived near them, that’s where I’d like to spend as much time as possible. The Decks are wonderful folk with the right ideas about taking care of animals…..and the Earth.  So I really like the name of their Waldorf Farm School.…. Earthsong, that’s a beautiful name.  You know I just thought about something.  I’ve seen quite a few farms of folks raising animals to make a living….. and you could tell just how greedy some people were by the way they treated their animals, and land. I mean once you put too many animals on a piece of land you exceed what I learned in Biology is called ,”Carrying Capacity”.  Once you exceed Carrying Capacity everything suffers…the land and the animals that live on it…… and you can tell the greedy folks have exceeded the carrying capacity of their land because if its winter it’s a mud pit, and if it’s summer it’s a dust bowl, and the animals are not healthy, or happy.  Not so at the Decks, it beautiful there, and the animals are happy. I’m pretty sure in an old post I mentioned the smiling cow I saw there….. Anyway so I carved this sign in Myrtlewood, ( I forgot how hard that wood is), I just happened to have this rare large piece that our friend Shorty cut from a tree that fell not too far from here. You don’t see pieces that size very often.  It’s going in trade for some of their wonderful meat.
So if you are in that Area and you do have a child that you’d like to experience a REAL learning experience, call Christine at (541) 998-4697.

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section B A Powerful place of Fairies and Strange things…

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 6 Section B     A Powerful place of Fairies and Strange things…

So Jill and I traveled. We did art work by day, and drank a little too much Southern Comfort by night. She cooked amazing meals and I played the guitar like never before.  Finally I was getting low on money so we went into a town called King City and I called Janine. I asked her to drive down on the weekend and bring me some money and pick up stock I’d been making to put in some stores we were in back in the Bay Area, and one down in Hollywood. She said she’d see if she could make it, maybe if she could find somebody to come with. (little did I know she was shacking up with my “best friend”, that’s what she had ,”needed space” for he he). So I told her we’d meet her back at Plaskett Creek. Jill and I headed up over the mountains, through a military reserve called Hunter Liggitt Military Reserve. I’m not sure what they were doing there on that reserve but it was disturbing to see some of the results. On the way through we came across a lot of cows that were blind, in fact one had gotten all tangled up in some lines that were hanging down from a pole, and had walked around the pole until it was almost hanging itself. It was a calf, and as it’s “family” watched I struggled to get it free.  We also saw an eagle flapping around on the ground that looked like it was blind as well.  We headed over the mountain making a note of a place we’d like to camp in the future.  Well Janine showed up with very little money and my good friend Steve, and a dog named Liebe.  She didn’t have much money for me, said our stores weren’t selling much and that she had used it all to pay bills. ( As it turned out the stores were doing quite well and the Bills were not getting paid…but my “best friend” (By)  her boyfriend, un be knownst to me it seems had a speed habit).  Well I guess Janine got jealous that Jill was travelling with me, even though it was totally platonic….and even though Janine was sleeping with my best friend back home….it was too much for her ego and that night she slept with me and we had sex for the first time in a couple of years…. WHOOPIE !!! I liked that. She said she wanted me to come home… two weeks.  What ! why two weeks?  Well, “she just needed a little more time”. Well I guess having that rare episode of sex kind of like hypnotized me and I said YEAH, I couldn’t wait. Well  she and Steve left. Steve seemed to be falling in love with Jill, and said he wanted to come back next weekend. We told him we saw a camp over the mountain where we wanted to go and gave him directions. Then we headed over there.
Well this place we saw was in the Los Padres National Park, on the edge of that military reserve. It was on a beautiful little river (full of trout), and was hot and had a lot of edible plants growing there so we took this 27 foot motorhome down over a sand bank and parked it right next to the river and set up our camp. Liebe was with us now and she and I took off exploring.  The area was kind of like high desert, with lots of sagebrush and small oak trees and Manzanita.  Well just when we …..OMG, I just remembered something that I never figured out before…Woah…… well we’ll get to that. So right when were getting ready to leave camp this huge buzzard flies down and sits in a tree just maybe 10 feet from me….then it kind of hops/flys a few feet to the next one. It seemed like we should follow it, and we did. We followed it for about a mile, then it went down into this little draw….and I was getting this intense scary vibe and the dog was Barking like it was seeing a ghost or something.  I wanted to follow the buzzard..(oh, there was something about that buzzard, it had the “speed” feather on one wing broken at a 90 degree angle). Well I was standing there trying to decide if I was going to follow, with the dog barking and this negative vibe) when I heard Jill screaming way back at the camp.  I took off running, crossed the river and found her inside the motorhome…. What’s wrong!?  “We’re out of flour” she said….. What! Quiet mild mannered Jill screaming like she was being murdered, because we were out of Flour… Whatever. Now what I just remembered was this. An old guy who was fishing showed up in our camp…he was carrying a big gun on his hip so we questioned him about it.  Well it seems that there had been a bunch of murders in the area, some mass murderer was on the loose and killing folks in that general vicinity….AND the area was crawling with rattlesnakes. He had on knee high boots and was totally blown away by the fact that we were running around barefooted.  Well it seems he owned a Truck Towing business….after we fed him a good lunch of Poached trout (not poached as in a style of cooking, but poached as in no fishing license and out of season trout). ( I’d wondered why folks were honking and yelling out the window at me something about the long strand of fish I was proudly carrying as I walked back to camp that morning down the road…they seemed angry and weren’t yelling praises about my fishing ability) Well anyway he looks at where I had the motothome parked and determined that there was no way in hell I’d ever get it out of the sand pit I’d pulled it down in to, he gave us his card and said when we decided to leave, he’d pull us out for free.  Cool.
Well later that day a Ranger comes into our camp. The fishing poles were leaning against the motorhome and the fridge was full of fish.  He tells us that it isn’t fishing season…..ignores the fishing poles and says if we happen to see anyone fishing to let them know it isn’t season and that they’d need a license if it was… Cool dude. He asked if he could haul away our garbage, took it, and left.   Well we ate lunch and I decided to go explore in another direction, leaving Liebe with Jill for a watch dog.  There was some old mining road or something that went back into the hills in the blazing heat. I started walking.  Now, ever since I was a kid I’d seen Fairies…and this little troll like dude that followed me everywhere we had moved to until I was in the fifth grade and I chased him through the house one day, shooting at him with my bee bee gun as he ran through a closed sliding glass door.  He was on one side one second, and the other side the next second….. too bad I can’t say the same thing about the bee bee I attempted to shoot him with, that left a nice little hole in the sliding glass door. (that’s the true story Mom, not whatever I told you at the time). That was the last time I ever saw that little dude, or heard the music that always accompanied him.
Anyway I had always seen fairies, but as I grew up they no longer had human characteristics. They were now like….hmmm….like a bunch of little stars…like a mini solar system.  Now here is an interesting thing about my experiences with Fairies. If you want to attract them….take a pee in the woods. I don’t know what it is, I think it’s the sound….but it always draws them.  Anyway I came to this place that overlooked this valley…maybe I took a pee, but I suddenly realized I was surrounded by Fairies. It was insane, in the middle of the day ( I usually only saw them at night since I’d grown up, since I saw them as these little galaxies of light, I think daytime sort of made them hard to see….but not now, the whole valley was full of them, and aside from that there was this gridwork of light (as best as I can describe it) It was like some kind of …web/blueprint of the same kind of light that the fairies were made of… Very interesting.  Well I kept walking and came down into a little draw…..and was instantly freezing cold….even though it was at least 100 degrees outside. I remembered what Don Juan said about, ”the spirit of the water hole” and figured that was what I was feeling…I imagined a little creek would be here in the winter.  Anyway I looked up out of this draw and quite a distance away on top of a hill I saw something glowing.  It was a bright golden light, so I headed in that direction. By this point I had walked a long time in the blazing sun without water and I was tired and very hot. Well I got up to the top of the hill and saw what was glowing.  It was strange, it was the stalk of an agave flower, long dead and silver gray in color….but there was no mistake that it was glowing. It was about 8 feet tall and 2 ½ inches in diameter. I got out my knife and cut it off and decided I’d better get heading back to camp, as I was totally exhausted and thirsty, I felt like I was going to faint, but really wanted that glowing stalk. So I cut it off and put it on my shoulder like someone carrying a spear…. Then something amazing happened. It was as though the stem was carrying me back to camp, like it was pulling me along….like I was weightless and I felt like my feet were barely touching the ground( and that’s not just an expression here, it really felt as though I was flying along being pulled by this agave stalk).  Well it carried me back towards home base and at one point we came to the top of a hill and I decided to meditate for a moment. Then I saw this “wind” , it was like a little cyclone that was moving around in the valley below…it felt like it was looking for something…. I yelled out and it made a bee line for me from way across the valley. It’s direction totally changed and it headed straight for me.  I remembered something Don Juan said (though can’t remember it now, but just before it got to me I yelled,:”change my direction”….  When it hit me I spun around a few times…… it took off and I headed back to camp all excited to tell Jill about my magical little trip and show her the Agave stem.
We stayed in this camp for a while, took  a shower under a little waterfall, Jill showed me how to wash clothes on rocks, and I did a lot of jamming with some birds and my 12 string… At some point, probably the next weekend, Steve shows up at our camp. I guess my time to be going home to my philandering wife was getting near.   There is something I’m not remembering….. I think it has to do with me being an asshole, and hurting Jill.  Anyway Steve shows up…. I can tell he likes her, I’m thinking, Good, hope you guys have a wonderful life….I’m going home to my wife…… But one last night here and Steve was going to take Jill back to Palo Alto and put her on a bus back to Canada.  ( Oh, Steve was a cool dude. Came from a long line of ….I guess you’d call them psychics…. Plus I’m not so sure he was human. He didn’t dress like anybody else, or talk like anybody else except Fede his wife he picked up in Germany, and Ayla and Michael…. These four traveled all over. Steve was stationed in Germany and spent a little time there in a prison for smuggling hashish….. Anyway after he got out these four traveled all over, they knew where you could go with Jeans, a make a bunch of money, then get stuff in that country that someone somewhere else would pay a high price for…and they just traveled around to some of the most incredible places on the planet, islands over near Greece in that Sea that Spell Check can’t even figure out what I’m trying to spell….starts with an M and is long…. Well anyway these folks who were wonderful people had their own accent that I guess was a blend of all the places they went, they walked different than anybody I ever knew….kind of floated along, flowing movements…. Well, I digress….
So Steve shows up and brought some Magic Mushrooms for Jills last night. She never had any…..and I didn’t need any… both of them took some, and we decided to go see where I had seen the “Fairy City”.  Which was the way I thought of that place where they all were, because of the gridwork reminds me of a city layout.  Now there is one weird thing when you see Fairies the way I do, like I said sort of like little universes of Lights like stars…well you can’t really tell distance with them….so the size thing is out the window.. (that’s just a little side note). So I told em a few rules that you kinda need to keep in a situation such as this… The first thing is … keep your head and mouth and belly Quiet. The second thing was…Listen intently (we’re in rattlesnake heaven at night walkin right through em, so you want to be maximally aware.)  Now I kind of enjoyed being around these guys when they took the mushrooms because their intention was….not to just get stupid, but rather to expand the range of their perception.   So in the dark we take off walking. Oh yeah, the third rule….”walk silently”. I think back then I liked to use the term, ”don’t indulge” …a term I picked up from Don Juan….  So right off I noticed something interesting.  Bats….. You know bats are ….hmmm, messengers. They can be messengers from our souls, to keep our intention focussed upon our Paths.. So Right off I notice we have an Honour Guard of Bats…   OK, so now the first rule of “Quiet”, is the key to seeing Fairies.  When we are lost in the Fairy Tale of our “Description” of the world…we can’t see real Fairies. So we’re out there quietly, very slowly walking along the trail….and every time Jill or Steve or I would start to “indulge” one of the bats would fly right by our ears….and we’d move on.  I observed this a bunch of times with Jill and Steve and noticed that they rarely noticed the bats at all…. But every time it happened, they Shut Up, and we started moving again..
Well we finally got to the Valley of the Fairy City and since they knew the rules, and followed pretty well (I suppose the mushrooms helped)…they were able to see it.   It was incredible at night.. It was like looking down on Silicon Valley at night….millions of little lights, in a grid like pattern….with all these Fairies flying around.  (found out later each of us saw the Fairies a bit different from the others).  Anyway it was ….incredible, Beautiful…awe inspiring….. And it seems it was almost impossible for those guys not to get all excited and start thinking about it….. UH OH ! So, the bats are flying fast and furious about our heads and they still are standing there “indulging”…until it begins to sound as though every single rattlesnake within miles, was converging upon us. We could hear the movement all around us. Well that got us moving…. I repeated the rules and we headed on. Pretty soon we were coming to that draw where it was soo cold. We walked down into it…. But not Liebe. She was barking like we were being attacked by monsters…. We went down in as she just stood there and wouldn’t go further…. It was freezing cold down there… Jill and Steve got kind of freaked out. I wanted them to stay and really check it out with me, but about that time they noticed the agave on the hill….it was glowing (there was more than one stalk) and they were lighting up the night like golden torches.  Well that was a good excuse for them to get out of there… I stayed and looked up the draw….  I was looking with my Third Eye trying to see if I could “see” what was making it so cold….. what I saw was just this big totally black area…. And then CLACK,CLACK,CLACK.  It sounded like someone was hitting two hardwood two by fours together right in front of my nose….  Woah, dang guys, you gotta check this out.  I went up the hill and they were all ramblin on about the glowing Agave stems, and I’m tellin them about the clacking.  Well about now I’m picking up this vibe that say’s…”They are scared shitless” (sorry Mom).  But there’s only one way back, and I’m thinking, “I hope I don’t have to carry them out of there like I did Bill that one time in the valley of Ticks. Grown man maybe 50 pounds heavier than me….. refusing to go another step, so I had to carry him out…,,,I digress again).  Ok, Liebe is still on the other side of the draw barking… we go down in it and I say, stay, check it out. Well there’s that extremely loud Clacking Sound right in front of our noses….. Jill lights up a cigarette. (she wasn’t really a smoker, but hot gotten it from Steve) and at the moment the lighter flicked… was as if everything around us just pulled back from us….like the whole desert recoiled. Steve and I looked at each other in the flame light, and each grabbed one of Jills arms, and ran towards Liebe, still up on the edge of the draw barking.  We moved like the wind, which is good because when we got up on the edge of the draw….and looked down, it was as if the whole desert that had pulled back, rushed back in. We could see it coming in from all directions…and when it all met there was a huge explosion sound…….. Holy crap.  We were pretty sure if we had been down in there…we’d of been squashed into nothingness…..  Well the next day They left, and I headed down into the valley …..I spent the night in a trailer park, possibly in the Military Reserve.

Well the next day I have a very strange experience with a large Indian….A dream I had this night, comes true….and I meet Bud, an old dude in a rock shop near Santa Barbara, who saw me die in my last life in Tibet ( a vivid memory I've had since I was old enough to think....but he remembered things I had repressed) and told me some things that I’m just beginning to understand, and the bent feather from the buzzard I had followed, ends up in my hands, handed to me by a soldier who was driving along and it just fell out if the sky into the Jeep that he and three other guys were riding in.

Deities In Detail: The Morrigan, Celtic Goddess of Death

  and the Black Raven of Death and Rebirth

The Morrigan's major form is of an old woman, wrapped in a cape of black raven feathers. Sometimes she takes the form of the death raven announcing death, or the banshee predicting it with shrieks. She is the thunderhead that descends at death, and the soul which is torn from the body rises through it like lightning. Her body becomes the conduit of death, the stormy pathway of the soul.
This is not for all people but it is the way she appears to the Fair Folk. Because she is the pathway, the vast network of reincarnation compressed into a cloudy mirror, she can guide the soul as she chooses. She needs only to change the pathways. Usually she is a subtle mist, but on the battlefield, she is storm clouds and thunder, the hag screaming for the dead, and the black death-horse which gallops through the sky carrying its newly deceased rider.
She is also, in secret, the goddess of incarnation. People do not like to believe that incarnations are guided. They prefer to believe that souls are generated at birth, or that some great god has chosen their fate. That the dark death goddess carries the soul in her black wings to rebirth is a frightening idea. Perhaps if the soul were brought by the stork, it would be more acceptable to the modern imagination

Another role of the Morrigan is associated with the hunting falcon, which is a rare and special role for her. Instead of a raven who guides the soul at birth or death, she becomes that falcon that guides the healer or mage in initiation.
Almost by necessity, given the lack of records left by the Celts, some of information here about the Morrigan is based on intuition.
The reaction of most people to the presence of the Morrigan is fear because her presence is said to bring with it the aura of death. When she is near, the doorway of death is visible. The portal is composed of silver branches creating a doorway against the darkness. Beyond the door lay the worlds of incarnation.
There are many images that she uses. Long ago, she came as an animal - a wolf, a vulture, or jackal. Then she took on the forms of transportation - the death-coach and the death train. She is still the Nightmare who rides away with the soul, the dark angel of death that wrestles the soul out of the body.
The death-coach comes from a time when coaches were owned by wealthy aristocrats. A coach meant nobility, royalty, or superior status. A death-coach sent by a god would be luxurious black velvet and leather, with gold and silver trim. But it also meant that a deity, a superior was sending a messenger. It was how invitations were sent before the postal service and the telephone.
The death summons in whatever symbolic form brings awareness of the temporary nature of life.
The Morrigan's mythic body is a woman or a bird, but her cosmic form is a cloud with pathways leading from it. People are pulled down these pathways by the force of their desires and sins, and by their striving and seeking after goals. It is as if they are magnetized, and the soul is pulled from one magnet to the next. The death-coach brings the soul to the mountaintop or the cave, and she is the dark cloud it must pierce to arrive at its destination. She also opens the most powerful of the magnetized pathways - the birthing child pulling down a soul into a body and a new incarnation.
As a helper to and teacher of mages, she is the falcon who guides the hunter to his goal. Falcons too have been used as a way to send messages. In all cases, the message that she sends is that another world awaits.
As a teacher, she sometimes presides over initiations. Initiation is the simulation of death, and new life. In the initiatory process, it is the death of the soul rather than the death of the body, but they echo each other. One must experience disintegration before reintegration.
Initiations transform people and are sometimes painful but they bring them to the awareness of deeper layers of vision and intuition. 

As Black Goddess of initiation, some choose to enter her cauldron, to gain the wisdom that is there. It is a dangerous path, for there is a chance of destruction, and also a chance of losing the wisdom that is sought. Such was the case in the tales of Talieson and Kerridwen. Though she made the wisdom for one who was dull and needed it, nevertheless one who was clever gained it. Wisdom will not always go where we wish it. 

Finding wisdom is hard. Sometimes one must suffer unjustly, and sometimes one must deal with ugliness. But the Black Goddess has wisdom of the pathways of life and death, and from the dark cauldron of human need and desire, and from the process of incarnation itself, comes the bright drop of wisdom.

Witch by Lady Isodora

“Witch” on MP3
words and music by Lady Isadora
©1990, 2006

“Why do you call yourself a Witch?
Why do you dress yourself in black?
Why don’t you use some other word
And get the devil off your back?”
I call myself a Witch because
A Witch is what I am
And like a Jew in Nazi Germany
I don’t define my name
To suit the Master Plan
The Propaganda Man
Never again! Never again!
“Why do you call yourself a Witch?
You know we just don’t understand
People will think you’re sinister
You know they’ll say your soul is damned!”
I call myself a Witch because
I don’t believe the lie
That the Creator is a macho man
Who wants to tell me what to do
Until I die
For pie in the sky
That’s such a lie! That’s such a lie!
I don’t believe in Satan
He’s a poor excuse for Pan
I’m a child of Holy Mother Earth
And I’m gonna stand up to
The Propaganda Man
In every way I can
“Why do you call yourself a Witch?
Such a pretentious fantasy!
Magic is just a childhood dream
Come on and face reality!
I call myself a Witch because
I’m not afraid to tell
That the magic is in Life itself
Not just in some ancient book
Or secret spell
And I know damn well
That there’s no Hell
Except the Goddess of that name
No, the devil doesn’t turn me on,
He’s too much of a chauvinist pig
No self-respecting feminist
Would be caught dead around
A masculine ego that big
“Why do you call yourself a Witch
And talk of Witchcraft openly?
Wicca’s a nice disguise to use*
When you’re in mixed company”
I call myself a Witch because
There’s power in the word
There’s power in the truth about
What we really feel
And who we really are
Live by the Star
And you’ll go far
Yes, you’ll go far
“Why do you call yourself a Witch?”
Because a Witch is what I am!
“Why do you call yourself a Witch?”
Because a Witch is what I am!

from The Queen of Earth & Sky
by Lady Isadora
©1990, 2006
Dance of Life Productions (ASCAP)

*As any good dictionary of  Old English (Anglo  - Saxon) will show, the original word wasn’t “Wicca”  (male Witch), but  “Wiccecraeft.” Read Isadora’s essay “You Say ‘Wicca’ and I   Say ‘Witchcraft!’”, and check out her Society for the   Prevention of Witchcraft Being Called “Wicca”™.

This song is by far one of the greatest songs I have ever heard! For me it's a daily listen!! It's honestly and truth mixed with pride and strength which for me, is the greatest combination! I have included the link for the MP3 download for those of you who want it. Personally I don't think I could go through a day without this song... It's very much the soundtrack of my life!

Blessed Be!