Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 4
An Enlightening Experience and Meeting my Teachers.

So I went through High School. I was a nerd, pocket protector and all…skinny dork that had to keep hidden at school so some gang didn’t want to beat me up. School sucked. Freshman year was Hell, that summer I changed… I started pumpin iron, drinkin metracal…. I got really strong. So the next year the bullies were sayin stuff like, “hey Wilson, is that you?, you got strong. I set all kinds of records in PE…insane like 90 situps in 60 seconds, I could do pull-ups all day (of course it helped that I was so small and light…) I made it to my senior Year. Viet Nam was going on… I began to see the games myself and my friends were playing…just stupid ego stuff, I kind of drifted away from my friends and got quiet and reflective. Janis died and my heart was breaking…and then Janine walked across the Quad.. Blond frizzy hair that looked like Janis’s….no bra, cute titties bouncing up and down (hey, I’m being honest here…cut me some slack)… I was instantly is love. This ex nerd just walked up to her and introduced himself. Then we kind of became stuck like glue. I graduated early…they made up a class so I could graduate early…(I think they wanted to get rid of me now, long haired hippy type now) And I had a job waiting for me at the phone company that I’d been training in school for.  I was outa there. Not too long after this I cruised up into the Santa Cruz mountains… I got out and walked up Mount Helen, or Ellen… I think Helen. Anyway I got to the top and sat down. I looked around and it was sooo beautiful that I had the following process happen: I started to cry from the Beauty and the desire to keep that beauty with me all the time. Then this voice comes in my head and say’s , “take a picture of it with your mind…make your mind a camera of this moment and take in that whole Picture….. And THEN IT HAPPENED. Jeff was gone….there was nothing but this Blissful White Light…..And then I felt myself again….but not in my body, but rather it felt like I was the perimeter of Creation itself, looking back in upon myself….which was everything…. And what it looked like was this almost infinite Web, like a spider web made of all these golden cords…and the intersection of each cord was a human or an animal, or tree, or whatever…. Then I was in the Light again….. Then I was sitting on the side of the mountain feeling a whole new energy….feeling like a totally different person…and now suddenly I could “feel” all the plants and trees around me…like I could feel like they felt…. And it was like I was being drawn somewhere…and I ended up in a bookstore called the Plowshare in Stanford…in the back room called “the Seed Center”.  I walked over to the shelves and picked out a book that was literally glowing…. I looked at it and it was called, “A Treatise on White Magic” by Alice Bailey, then I saw another book glowing and picked it up, It was Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrines translated by Evans/Wentz, then I saw a third and it was “This is Reality” by Roy Eugene Davis, it was a translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.  
I went home, or maybe to work (I worked split shifts) anyway I didn’t get a chance to check them out and went home and to sleep.
Well that night I had one dream, it lasted all night, and it was unlike any dream I had ever had before. I was in this place that was all White, it was almost as bright as when I had gone into the Light when I was on the mountain. And I was standing in front of a very tall man in white Robes…everything was white…in fact every time I tried to look at his face, I’d be back into the Light like when I was on the mountain.  I finally quit trying to look but focussed on his hands, and paid attention to what he was saying…This went on all night. The next day I read from those three books, and what I read was everything that I was told the night before. And these were instruction on ways to meditate. And I practiced what I learned in my dreams then read in those books.…and it was as easy as breathing.   And this went on night after night after night. And then in the daytime, even when I wasn’t asleep…there were a few “Teachers” always with me, and in every situation guiding me….yet like with the “German” I was in the experience but all the while denying it and pushing it aside.  Well I learned a lot of wild and crazy stuff from these Teachers. It just started with Contemplation, of “becoming” that which I focused upon…and of going in to the Light and just staying in that Bliss as long as possible…and every time I came out of that I was a little changed…actually a lot changed. These teachers had what they called ,”the rule of Three”. And this basically stated that of these things they were showing me I could only “do” each three times, no more. Their reasoning was that humans are very habit orientated…and we use habits to lock ourselves into a description of the world that is most comfortable. They didn’t want me to even live in a description of the world any more. (Humans don’t really live in what is, they live more in what they think…and feel …is…. More in a description of the world. So they had this rule of three so I wouldn’t become too attached to any of the cool stuff they were showing me, and in so doing get comfortable in a description…and not be able to go to the next thing they had in mind to show me.  Some of the wild and crazy stuff: The first thing I learned was that ANYTHING was possible if we could focus our Intention…and attention, so I focussed on all sorts of crazy stuff. I traveled down the drain with the water, with Janine sitting there in case I needed help coming back…. The experience was like being laughing blissful blue white bubbly…. And I was hearing all the different people in their apartments…but then I recognized the voices of people across the street. I was getting to be everywhere that the water could go…then I sort of freaked out, “can I get back to my body”?!!! Janine didn’t know I was freakin out…. Then a strange thing happened…. The faucet turned itself off. (OH yeah, I had my head in the sink with the water running…contemplating that ).  And I was instantly back in my body. Well that night I did 2 more things with poor Janine there along for the ride. I took us into a mirror where we could see past lives reflected…then I spread out the atoms of this Tree Branch I had made into a sculpture and made it “disappear” for a few moments….. And she was out of there. A few days later she shows up at my apartment with two guys, she’s bringing me back my engagement ring…. I was running literally on the walls and ceiling. She told me later that I had pretty radically freaked those guys out.  I did this other crazy thing… (and I have to say all these things might sound wild, but they were so easy once I was able to “contemplate”. )
I decided to walk through a solid door. It wasn’t that big a deal, just contemplate down to the atomic level, upon the door, and myself…and will myself through the door by first synchronizing my vibration with the doors. Anyway I found myself “stuck” in the door, it was like once I merged the atoms I suddenly …well my focus shifted…and I was stuck. One of my teachers somehow got me out….. I learned “yoga of the Dream state” which was a very simple exercise that had the side effect of making me dream the following day in it’s entirety… That led to a day of total déjà vu with every single movement. (These are all stories in themselves but I’m trying to keep this concise so folks don’t have to be reading on and on and on. ) I practiced “yoga of the psychic heat” which made it so I could sit without clothes in the freezing cold, and be toasty.  Every day there was some new cool experience, or meditation style. They wanted to show me as many paths as possible.  Then they started showing me the Death experience. They took me through the process, minus cutting the silver cord that holds us to our bodies. I saw Heavens and Hells and other things I’m not going into here that I call “constructs” which are a spiritual reality that haven’t gotten a lot of, or any Newage Press he he. But you know they didn’t observe the rule of 3 here, I’m pretty sure we did that little journey dozens of times…I’m not going to go into that here…but that is also a story in itself…death is quite the trip, and they were teaching me …well as it turns out, reminding me of …. The best way to approach that process.  Basically teaching me “How to Die”.  I learned a lot from that part of their teaching.
I was going in to the Light all the time, and changing enormously…
I learned how to travel on the astral plane…and learned how to find the answer to any question that I seemed to have, by going to what I called the “Archetype” plane. Which is like where the seeds of what we know exist, and where answers are seen so clearly just through moving symbols. In fact it could be said that the answer to any question we have concerning the nature of Life and reality, exists right before the intention of the Question….. this might sound cryptic, but it’s a pretty hard core esoteric truth. And one day I took the question, “What is God and what are we doing here?, to the archetype plane and had a vision that has answered every question I’ve ever had. ( A puppy was biting my finger and the vision ended.. I had the final part of the Vision maybe 7 years ago…it completed (that’s another story )
and I’ll leave you here with one of the most valuable lessons those teachers gave me:
OK, when you go into the Light it has a slight side effect. It exposes parts of ourselves that we have suppressed…hidden, things that we have defined as “darkness”…scary things that can make us look like the fools we are, if they are exposed….and they are exposed.  So I was driving along reflecting upon my infinite stupidity….and it was extremely painful (hey did I already write about this…OH well, it bears repeating if so.. So here I am reflecting on that infinite stupidity because every day it’s like hyper evolution, like getting in lifetimes worth in a few hours…and so whenever I see these things I feel small and stupid…and I don’t like that much so I say out loud…. “I don’t want to have to see these things about myself….maybe I should quit meditating, quit going into the Light.” Then the Teacher who was sitting on that VW bug seat there next to me who I was of course in denial about said this,” You are not the person who you see when you look in the mirror….that is the past. You are the person who is looking (and unfortunately judging). Shift your perspective from what you are looking at, to the one who is doing the looking…. That is your Truth.
Holy major change Batman.  That changed everything and I got on the fast track. You see my intention was to be “totally Free”, to reach Enlightenment and be able to stay and function in my body, while being in the Light. So I (against my Teachers …..suggestions and what felt like pleas…. started meditating all the time. I was doing Kriya, which is very powerful Light meditation, that you really should start slow with.. 
Well that was sort of a short version. There were meetings with one teacher in the desert… that were , well very intense, and I don’t think I’ve quite incorporated those lessons yet.
Well not long after there was another major shift… I did something magical…and very dumb that took me over 20 years to recover from. I call that my ,” Humpty Dumpty Episode…because all the Kings Horses and All the Kings men, couldn’t put Jeffrey together again….only a lot of time….

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 3.. Meeting “the German” and building the machine that allowed plants to “talk”.

Coming out of the Scary Closet. Part 3..
Meeting “the German” and building the machine that allowed plants to “talk”.
OK, fasten your seatbelts…It’s only going to get wilder and wilder…
So I’m not sure exactly how old I was when the Voice that I called, “The German”…or “the Scientist” appeared in my head. I think maybe 7th grade. Anyway this was a strange time for me..and a little hard to describe… There was this voice that had an accent (hence the name “the German” that appeared in my head. It was the voice of a scientist that was really pretty dang smart. He could fix anything electrical (through me), and knew a lot about organic functioning systems…(plants, animals, humans). Well now this is the weird part…I heard this voice with the accent….but I never HMM, considered it real exactly. I mean throughout my childhood of seeing angels and fairies and hearing music where other people didn’t, and remembering vividly past lives etc.etc.etc.…well I’d been told that things were my imagination…not valid, not real a gazillion times….so I learned to just quickly sweep them aside into some dark corner where I could pretend that they didn’t exist. But this German had a hold of my interests. I’ve been all about plant systems since I was 8, and anything scientific grabbed my attention (I was totally working on the 5th Ray back then…and it was a wonderful exciting ride…..) So I could pretend that there wasn’t this dude in my head speakin all kinds of crazy cool scientific stuff…and I sort of decided it was coming from me….and when the Scientist spoke to me I had to go deep to listen….and I called this, ”zoning out”.  And since I could put a label on it I supposed it would be more acceptable to the world in that context. So I spent a lot of time in this trance like “zoned out state”… and the funny thing is it didn’t seem to totally freak out my parents when I’D say, I was just “zoning out”.
So, back to the German…he seemed to have an agenda of some kind…he wanted me to build something very specific….. But never told me what it was.  I had built myself a “lab” out back.  I fixed TV’s and did stuff for money. My Dad worked at NASA and he got me some good deals on equipment (I got an oscilloscope, a Radio Frequency Generator, and a whole pile of other stuff in trade for fixing some scientist at NASA’s Color TV. In fact I could (thanks to the German) fix all kinds of things, just as easy as you please.  I also had a “Science kit of the month” thing my parents got for me for my Birthday I think… And I started building something. It was crazy, every piece of equipment that came my way, got worked into this “Machine” I was making. Now my Dad had brought me this plant that he said had been in Space…for tests or something. It was a very sensitive plant. It would withdraw if you would move forcibly towards it…or think, ”I’m going to tear your leaf”. It looked like it was in the grass/bamboo family.  Anyway I ended up putting an electrode (A needle attached to a wire) into it’s root….and when the machine was done… I hooked the electrode up to it.  Now if I was to think something like, “I’m going to tear your leaf, the oscilloscope hooked up to the machine would go crazy.. and the TV I was using for the final stage of the signals amplification through it’s speaker….. would let out a sound like a scream.  Woah, well I did a lot of tweaking and experimenting with ….. OK, I have to digress. The first time I went to test it my intention was to tear or maybe it was to burn the leaf…but as soon as I thought it….the plant screamed.. So I tested this torture upon the poor plant, never having to actually tear the leaf,. So I gotta say I was jumpin up and down excited because I had just invented a burglar alarm where you had a Plant standing sentry who would yell when you got within 30 feet of it.  Sooo cool. So I ran in the house so I could show my parents…. Then it felt kind of odd, like it did that night in the car when we had the encounter with the UFO.  And my Mom didn’t want to see the Machine… And my Dad seemed reluctant… It was weird… Anyway my plan was this: I had the Machine tuned perfectly and had tested it a bunch of times…and the deal was as soon as I stepped off the back porch which was about 30 feet from my lab…the Plant would start makin this hellacious sound…. The perfect burglar alarm. So I was going to stay on the porch and let my Dad walk over to it and experience it “going off”.  Well he stepped off the porch, took a step…no sound… Another step, no sound. “What the Heck”…another step, no sound.  When he was about a foot from the plant…it started screaming.  HMM, he stepped back and it was quiet…I stepped off the back porch and it started screaming….. I was puzzled, but still so excited because it worked and my Dad got to see it.  But it was that weird feeling like the UFO night, and he didn’t say anything….he just sort of looked like a zombie and walked back in the house…. I was crushed…..  The German scientist left my head at that moment…and I never did another thing in my lab.
( You’ll hear more about “the German” in a future episode, The German Returns and the Healing/Mind Control machine.)
Yikes, fleeting snatch of paranoia./.” will I get to tell that story?”

Wow, I think my Dad bought me my Drum set right after that... I forgot totally about the German..... but in very few years things would take another really.... wild turn.. with an enlightening experience that happened to me sitting on the side of a mountain that led me to my Teachers...and totally changed my direction.

Greenhouse done... and the Early Spring Garden

OK, I know it's not early Spring.... But tell that to Mother Earth in my neighborhood. It's still early Spring even though it's almost June.... and then we will instantly be in the middle of Summer.  So the Garden is still a mess because we're just starting to move plants out of the Greenhouse today. Yesterday we did Saturday Market and Taryn's Dad and his wife  came and visited us there from the Grants Pass Oregon and Taryn's step sister Rachelle and her boyfriend Pete came and visited from Seattle. They all came to our place last night and stayed till mid day was a good visit. I kinda had to keep workin through a lot of it because the work has to get done when it has to get done... So we had a good visit and I got a lot done.
I finished the Greenhouse...YAY, cleaned all the lumber out of the yard, opened the area up by cutting off a post and digging up the concrete it was set in, and pulling up an old metal post I didn't think was possible.. Then I put in a new flower bed in front of the Greenhouse... Transplanted a bunch of stuff, got most of our cole crops tucked in the ground with heaping shovels of compost, and azomite.(Miracle Clay for Minerals). We got the Zukes in the Ground and the Patty Pan squash. In the new bed in front of the greenhouse I planted Chamomile, Chinese Forget me nots. some cumin, and allysum, and I planted some Wormwood and Cumin in the Herb bed. 

The fam left and the sun came out and we laid out back in the sun and I took a little nap...then it started raining so we got to work in the Garden. All in all a lot got done today.  The chickens had a party on all the weeds we pulled up. We have 4 new baby Goats.
And I'm feeling Quite satisfied...

That's Gizmo the Cat..
Here's the two Mama's with their Brand New Kids.

Energetic Changes

Be straight up…

Be your own truth
Don’t close off
to any part of Yourself

Find Peace
In all of it

I’m going through a lot of energetic changes lately
And I wonder ,
What is the best path for me to follow on this?
And the answer I get is,
“Let go to it,
don’t think too much about it..
Relax into it…
Breathe into it.
Fill it with Light.

Some of this weeks work.

Well with everything else we got done this week it's amazing that I got any "work" done... but I did, here is some of it...


Waiting seems to be the headline of my life. Waiting to have a baby. Waiting for a promotion. Waiting to hear a test result. Waiting on adoption. Waiting for the right job. I KNOW there is a lesson in this season of waiting. I just wish I could hold firmly to God's promises and not be anxious. He has been so faithful in EVERY area of our lives and provided abundantly more than we needed - so - why can't I remember that as I wait?

“But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” Habakkuk 2:3

"Coming Out" of the Scary Closet. Part 2 .Alien Encounter

OK, I can't say much about this because I promised my Dad I'd never mention the Alien Encounter to my Mom, ever....and sometimes she reads this blog, so I don't know how to proceed with unloading my to speak.  AHHH, I know.... Hey MOM, if you are reading this, stop here...don't read any further, Dad told me to never speak about this to you. It was on Middlefield Rd, I brought it up to Dad in the kitchen, and he pulled me a bit forcefully (which was not his style, and I was a grown man at the time.) And he took me out back on the little porch by the bathroom on the Feigenbaum side, and pulled up his shirt and showed me a half moon shaped scar that he said he got that night, then he said to never bring it up around my Mom again, then he said we needed to get back inside..  So Mom if you have read this far definitely stop now.
OK, for the rest of you... I don't know what year this was , before my 5th or 6th grade year. We were travelling in our old classic (not so much at the time) Pontiac. We were going through the desert in Southern Calif towards Arizona. We were driving at night because the desert was hot and the transmission in the Pontiac was messed up and I think it only had first gear or something, so basically we were crawling through the desert at night, us three kids asleep in the back.  I woke up and a huge white saucer shaped light was in front of the car...then it Zipped off to the left. I jumped up and rolled down the window... I was thinking, OK, does not compute...misddle of desert, no cars around, no lights this some kind of reflection on the window from something I don't see?  So I roll down the window and it's still there, zipping so incredibly fast from one side of the horizon to the other....then zip zip and it's gone.  Well ol Jeffy here is jumpin out of his skin, Hey Mom, Dad...what the Hech, Wow, did you see that?? No real response... HELLO, they were sitting there kinda frozen like, not turning their heads or anything.  Then is scary voices they told me something along the lines of...Your imigiantion....go back to sleep.  They sounded like zombies...and it scared me.  Then we came to some little outpost that sold gas, it's like 2:00 am. My Dad gets out of the car and rustles up some woman to get us gas, and makes a phone call. I'm wondering who the heck he's callin here at 2:00 A.M.  Well my Dad is acting all weird and I ask him what's the matter, and he says something (that even as a kid by Bullshit! bells were ringin loud and clear, he said, OH, that lady was crazy.... Well that lady wasn't crazy, I was right there, she was perfectly fine, it was my Dad that was acting crazy...and my Mom was sort of frozen like a statue....  Well as I did with most of my significant life experiences I quietly filed it away under ," it's just your imigination"... so I could get on with a life of trying to be normal for folks.....
Well I'm afraid that didn't quite work out.  Now I just very recently put 2 and 2 together and realized that what I am about to tell you happened, started happening after whatever the heck happened in the desert that night.
I guess here is a good spot to mention that I've had a lot of dreams about being on an alien space ship....and being at some facility in the desert (that was made to look abandoned, but something weird was going on there)
So not long after school started, 5th or 6th grade. And I started dreaming things that would happen the next day, or seeing things happening somewhere else, in my head. Here's a couple examples. I dreamed that a whole bunch of kids at school got really sick, and it seemed like the school was practically empty. The next day a lg. % of kids did get sick. I didn't because I didn't have any money that day to buy cinnamon flavored toothpicks from the juvinile deliquent of the school, who I swear was in his 20's. Anyway he made some cinnamom toothpicks ( a big fad at the time)...and eveybody that had one got sick.  The next thing that hapenned was very horrible. I was sitting in class looking lovingly at the new girl, I even remember her name even though she was only in class for that day.... ( I should mention that I was pretty much in love with 99% of the girls in my class). Anyway I'k looking at this cute chubby little Mexican girl Martha who can't speak English (that was really cool).. And suddenly I see this guy shoot this woman, then stick the gun in his mouth and shoot himself. Well if this wasn't horrible enough, I was looking at Martha and she was looking at me when I was seeing this....and acting it out. I made my hand into a gun, shot someone with it, then put it in my mouth and pulled the pretend trigger. Looking into her eyes as I did it. Well I think that kind of put us both off a bit, then about an hour or two later the police came. At pretty close to the exact time I was performing my little skit for Martha, her Mother was being shot by here boyfriend, who then put the gun in his mouth, and shot himself.....  I never saw Martha again.   Well my life got stranger ....
A scientist who I called "the German" moved in and made himself comfortable in my head. He could fix anything electronic through me, and set me upon a path of Creating an amazing machine that allowed Plants to verbally express their emotion.... That'll be the next story.... This story has been one of the biggest mysteries in my life.

Doin it by Hand...

Today was a great day. We had so much that needed to be done, Work in the garden, 6 special orders to get done (2 signs, , 2 inlays set with cabs, 6 tree carved buttons, a pair of wood earrings, plus I’m carving beavers for a trade for Mountain Mahogany. 15 of em and I gotta get em done. Also talked to Christine Deck today, I’m carving a sign for their Waldorf Farm School for a trade we did with them. (I’ll bet that school would be just about the coolest place to go.)…  The back garden paths were getting shin high in grass and weeds, and along the sides of the raised beds the weeds were thick and high….. This normally would not be the case except my weedeater sort of died and resists Jerry Rigging. A part just wore out and I don’t have and can’t afford to buy one now…SOOO, I got to do it the old fashioned way, by hand.  Oh, also the brick paths were totally grown in between the cracks with thick grass and weeds. So I have this tool, it’s just a handle with a flat straight edge at the end, Like a hoe that was flattened out, making a scraper on a handle that was perfect for scraping the weeds between the bricks, and the edges of high grass and weeds I used the same tool and cut straight down along the edge of the brick raised bed, then about 3 inches out from the bed I cut in at an angle, cutting out a perfect little triangle and making a nice clean edge around the beds. ( The favorite hiding place of slugs and bugs. ) . I also have a weed whacker, a blade on a stick that you swing real fast and hard and it cuts the grass and weeds. So anyway It was fun and a workout. Then I decided I want to have grass paths that I can cut with the hand mower. I think in the long run it’ll be easier…I don’t want to rely on a weedeater, but this is a big place with lots of weeds. But those weed whackers, if you get em nice and sharp…and don’t have any sticks or rocks in what you are whacking, you can go about as fast as with a weedeater, and not have to breathe gasoline fumes…or hear the loud noise. So I decided I’m gonna set it up around here so I can do it all by hand. We already do our mowing with a hand mower….. and that’s fun… Now it’s the end of the day and I feel satisfied with what we got done…. I should have some nice Good Earth tea.

"Coming out" of the Scary Closet... and Part One, the Blue Angel

I’ve been listening to my body lately, and acting on what I hear from it as much as possible. This listening has had many benefits, not the least of which is that my lifelong problem with non-stop acid indigestion/Gerd…. Is now healed. What brought me to that healing was simply facing some “truth’s “ about myself. These “Truths” I had pushed aside, suppressed….hidden within myself energetically….mostly so that I could maintain an appearance of “normal”.
So I have spent the greatest part of my life suppressing many parts of myself that didn’t fit into this “normal” definition…HE he, and I’m afraid that’s about the majority of who I am.
Well aside from this healing…or actually part of it, is a major energetic change in my body, and this is taking some getting used to.
I’ve always been a hyper dude, running on nervous energy…. I got a lot done, he he, sometimes to a super hero level…. I was always Flying.  And by the same token I was always two steps ahead of myself, pushing myself to the next point…pushing pushing pushing.   Always had things that needed to be accomplished….NOW, or yesterday….always pushing….
Well part of Healing my insides involved halting this process of always being 2 steps ahead of myself, and actually existing in the present.
This existing in the present has some noticeable side effects.  On one hand there is a greater Peace, but on the other is a greater sensitivity to energetic issues. One of these issues is my own personal Bio Rhythm that is a little strange. Here’s my natural rhythm: get up between 5-8 am, do some good hard work and eat breakfast at 9:30 or so. Then my energy totally bottoms out…… I actually for the last couple of days feel almost dizzy. Then about 1:00 PM my energy picks up again, and by 2:00 I’m full tilt boogie “getting her done”. This energy maintains until dinner around 6:00 pm…and then the energy picks up a couple of notches. By midnight I’m bench pressing the freezer, (or at least feel like I could)….and until 2:00 am I’m in a perfect Creative mode.
Well it’s 10:00 A.M. right now, I was going into my “Low” cycle and decided rather that push myself through it trying to “get something accomplished”, I decided to meditate. If my body wants me to kick back and relax, I should do that. So I went upstairs to meditate and after about 10 seconds I realized that for me to be “in balance” I have to be honest. I can’t suppress parts of myself because they freak people out… I have to be honest with at least myself about all aspects of who I am. So I felt compelled to start sharing some things about me that people don’t generally know…some things that might send some folks packin, and defriending me on Facebook, he he.. (it does happen when I get honest)…. But I somehow feel compelled to expose those things that I have kept hidden.  So I’m going to start doing that under the title of  “Coming out of the “Scary” Closet”.

“Coming out of the Scary Closet” Part One…. Meeting an Angel
When I was 8 years old we lived in Japan. We lived in a nice place, two stories, in base housing. It was like a neighborhood of two story buildings all connected together to form a square around a big Central grassy area.  There were lots of cherry trees out there and in Spring the air was like perfume.
Well one day I guess I did something wrong, and I was sent to my upstairs room. It was either late Spring or early summer because it was nice and warm. I loved the sound and feel of the oscillating fan that sat by the window. I sat there letting it wash back and forth across me, in AHHHHH. He he. Then suddenly there was this Blue Angel there in my room. She was larger than humans and very beautiful At first I thought to be scared…but that only lasted a millisecond. Then she talked to me. It’s hard to explain this, it was like suddenly we weren’t in the “normal” world. Everything was so much brighter. And it seemed like she spoke to me for a long time, but I can’t remember anything she said except a feeling that she was telling me some things about my life to come…and how to be. 
I don’t know if I told my parents about this or not, by 8 years old I had probably already been told that so many things I encountered were, ”just my imagination”.  ( I must have had one heck of an imagination because I remembered large portions of Life in a monastery in Tibet, and life as an Indian on the plains, and as a child being killed by Indians on our Homestead) and I imagined these things before I could even talk about them). But after we are told things that seem real to us aren’t real, by “grown-up’s” enough times…we sort of just push all those things into hiding.
Anyway that day, or actually the following day is one of my Brightest life long memories…..  So the next day was a beautiful warm day. I felt empty and full all at the same time. I felt like I was Breathing in the world, the trees, the sky, the smell of the grass, everything was so amazingly beautiful. I was only 8, but I just took off walking…no thought to where I was going, or parents being worried or anything. I crossed the quad and left the square of buildings and started walking over rolling hills of grass. I found what I guess was an old bunker then went down this concrete U shaped Drainage ditch ( I guess) that went into tunnels. I went into the tunnel (it had a huge metal grate that was pulled up by huge chains, like a castle door. I explored…  Then I wandered over these grassy hills. The sky was Robins Egg Blue with little puffy white clouds.  I came to the top of this hill and looked down the other side, and down at the bottom was the most amazingly beautiful thing.  There was this huge silk sheet, green like the grass and as big as maybe a half a football field. And all these Japanese people. (probably teen-age, or college age….were throwing this beautiful thing up, then running under it. It would just float down like a gentle cloud, and had all these puffy little rooms in it. I know because I ran down that hill, and ran under when they did…. It was an amazing time so full of joy and Bliss.  Finally I think some of the Japanese people became concerned about this little American boy off far away from any parents, and they started sort of pushing me to go Home…(This wasn't all that long after the War). Just about then I saw my Dad’s car pull up on the Hill. I think it was a 55 Chevy, maybe Blue like the angel…. I don’t remember exactly what transpired, but was surprised by my Dad’s actions. I think at first he wanted to punish me, but was just so happy that he found me..  I feel like the angel I met the day before had a lot to do with the journey I took that day…and it’s still one of the Brightest of my memories.
That was the First time I remember seeing that particular “angel”, though I’ve seen her many times since. In my life I have run across a few people where I could see her image superimposed upon their faces. Once I was traveling by myself for a short time (my first wife needed “space” so she could be boinking my best friend without me around getting in the way, and finding out about it…), so I took off on kind of a “vision quest”. The first day I met a girl under magical circumstances…. (Actually I’ll do a post about those days later…) and I kept seeing the angels face superimposed on hers, but I never said anything, not wanting my "weirdness" to show…. Then one day she showed me a picture she had drawn…it was the “angel”. I asked her what it was and she said that ever since we met she had seen this woman superimposed upon my face.  I still have that picture.

There is quite a story behind this Picture, and then meeting the "woman" in the Flesh that I'll write about later under the "vision Quest" section.
This is part One of my Hidden story, some following parts will be :
1.“ The Alien Encounter” .. which I can only talk about what happened afterwards because a long time ago I promised my Dad (after he showed me a half moon shaped scar that he got that night) I’d never bring it up around my Mom, and she reads my blog sometimes.
2. Meeting “the German” and building the machine that allowed plants to “talk”.
3. An Enlightening Experience and Meeting my Teachers
4. Learning to Die…    The astral plane journey
5. “Magic”, Traveling in Water, through time, moving through solid matter, dissipating energetic blueprints of thing.
6. Part one of the Vision
7. The Humpty Dumpty Episode (losing 30 years of my life)
8. The “German” Returns and shows me the Healing/Mind Control Machine.
9.  Vision Quest: Meeting Jill, The Angel in the Flesh, Bud , an amazing Wizard…
10. Part 2 of the Vision. Concerning the “Quickening” the 2012 event (that I still can’t believe happens in 2012, and the Reincarnation of “God” .

A Magical Wonderful Day

Well today was amazing in so many ways...
This morning after Breakfast, which we made a point of eating before we went down to the goat barn.... well Taryn eats a lot faster than I do, and she was down there and back before I was 2/3 through my Breakfast, with the news that Faun was giving birth... Well, there went breakfast. We went down and faun was already cleaning up her new kid...totally adorable. Looks like a boy, and has wattles...God I love those.

So we hung out a bit then Taryn had to go to Eugene to the Midwives. I normally go, but I have a half a dozen special orders to get done this week, and just picked up another huge one to get done in the next couple of weeks.... So I stayed home and worked.
Well I went down and checked about every hour and a half when my arm would start getting sore and needed a break. Nothing new was happening. (We had 4 pregnant goats).
A few hours later Taryn got home from what is always an amazing and heart expanding experience at the Midwives...and we sat down and ate lunch...then went down together. Now Lucy was giving birth. (we were alerted by her yelling as we were eating). She was having a little more difficulty than any of our goats have before, the legs and head all coming through ...but not. I tried to help by pulling the baby out, but no go really, and we decided to let nature take it's course. And we just sat there.  Then the most wonderful thing happened. Faun, who has the personality of a wild deer, who never lets us touch her or get very near came over to me...actually first she pushed her baby over to me, and I was petting it....then Faun came over and started licking me. I was being very quiet inside....and then she let me pet her, then just stood there while I petted her and her baby went to sleep behind me. So I just sat there petting her, with her licking me...feeling like my heart was going to explode.  Then Bindy came over to me, and then Bree.

And these two are always at odds with each other, being real "female dog types" to each other. But Bree came over and right there next to me they were making Peace with each other, touching noses without gettin all uppity.  Taryn was across the room gettin pretty uncomfortable on her spot, as I we both moved to new spot.
Meanwhile Lucy was still trying to get the baby was OK, and mostly out now...just those darn back legs.   So I sat down and Bindy came over to me.  Bindy is a very amazing goat, very smart and has good instincts about food and things. A really good goat. (though I wish her teats weren't totally covered in hair, she's hard to milk like that.  Any of you goat experts out there know if Nair on the Ninnys would be OK).  Anyway she is usually really independant, But she came over to me and just stood there while I petted her, she sort of became hypnotized and pushed her head against mine and just left it there.  I was entering some kind of wonderful blissful altered state out of all this Love, then Bindy laid down with her head in my lap....and went to sleep.  God, how is it my heart didn't explode, it was sooo sweet.
Finally Lucy managed to get her baby free... It was so cute...

An amazing day!!!

Our Big Boy

I still can't believe that almost 2 years ago our little Ean was born. Although he was early and gave us quite a scare, we are so blessed that he is healthy and all caught up! We celebrated his 2nd birthday early this year and here are a few photos from the big day. We are so grateful for our wonderful friends and family who celebrated this day with us. Happy Birthday Baby Bear!

#14 on the waiting list

Yeah, we're #14 on the waiting list and our dossier is now in Ethiopia:) We're finally moving again.

Quietly Being


Gentle Wings

Sitting upon the wind

Quietly Being



This Weeks New Stuff

Well this week it was mostly about earrings...and mostly big wooden ones because that's what folks have been really liking.
Here are some cool tribal ones carved in Bi Color Mountain Mahagony.

Here are some Maori Hook style, also in Mountain Mahagony.
This one is also Mountain Mahagony, the pic doesn't give the incredible color variation it's due.

These are carved in Myrtlewood and set with Tiger Eye.
And here's a couple big wood ones from wood I found at the beach..

 And here is one in Birdseye Maple Burl.
 And here's another in Maple Burl that I carved a little mushroom scene...

Well that's a few of this weeks creations... OFF to Market tomorrow.

The Cause and Cure of Disease, Pain and Suffering.. and the Truth of the 2012 concept..

Something has been forming for a while now and wanting me to write about it, but it always seemed such a big subject, it was daunting. So I’m just going to flow with it and see what happens.  This has to do with why humans get disease, and pain…
and also why things happen in our lives.
 So where do I start?….
OK, this brings us back to a previous discussion about “Karma”,
 because that is the word that has come to best define these things.
So in order to understand these things we need to understand how Karma works….
 What is it that causes the wheel of Karma to Turn?
And to understand this we must first understand about the evolution of the human soul.
So we’ll start with that.
This of course can be seen from all different angles, so I’m gonna keep my explanations as close to archetypal as possible, and you can take it from there.
So, … a human soul could be called a “split-off”.
OK, we gotta take this all the way back to the beginning of this particular…. Incarnation of God.
In the beginning there was nothing…. Blackness…void…Nothing
Suddenly, seemingly from out of Nowhere (but really from out of Everything that was the Life before), appears one Lighted thing…..
And right away it feels this compulsion to Experience…to evolve. 
In fact to evolve is it’s main compulsion.  
So it appears in this blackness,
 then there was this shudder within it…
And suddenly, seemingly from out of nowhere…..
a mirror image of the First appeared. 
 It was a mirror image…
yet there was very slight difference.
 The first one and second one were tied together with a cord of Light….
and this cord seemed to determine the space that kept them apart.
Well the second one was there for an instant, before it also shuddered,
and a mirror image of it was created…
connected to the others by this golden cord.
 Well these Pieces of Light that seemed to appear from out of nowhere, kept replicating…and replicating….. over and over…and expanding outward, each held to a specific spot in the whole of the Creation that their Unity was forming…  So you have this outwardly expanding rolling ball of Light, made up of the Gazillion Lights of each “split-off”.  And within this giant spiderweb each connection of the lines was a Soul, and each soul had a very specific allotted space to fill, in this web.  Now even as this “God” expands outward through the replicating of the individual souls…so the individual souls grow within their positions in the web….and they grow to a point where they fill their allotted position in the web.  Suddenly they are rubbing up against all the souls around them in the web. Souls who had also grown to fill their allotted positions.
OK, now understand that evolution could be described as a wheel turning one way completely….then once a complete turn is made, it turns back upon itself.
The part where the “split off’s” are expanding to fill their allotted position in the Web, is the First turn of the evolutionary wheel.
Once the allotted position has been filled, the wheel changes direction. (after seemingly sitting still for a few moments).
And the Force….
that Turns this Wheel
Is Karma.
So let’s talk about how Karma works…
In the First Turn of the Wheel,
that I’ll call the “Path to Culmination”, henceforth,
 the power that motivates the Evolution
Is the power of desire….and Fear
The soul defines it’s unique placement in this Huge Web that we’ll henceforth call God,
through seeking what it desires…
and shunning what it Fears.
Generally seeking what they think is Good
And shunning what they think, or feel is Bad.
So the soul defines itself towards Culmination,
 through seeking to fulfill desires
And through shunning what it thinks is “Bad”,
And so Fears.
This is the natural process of the first part of the evolutionary path
for every human that ever existed.
This is kinda of the part that the “Church”
For whatever twisted reason
Determined was “Evil”
And was under the domain of their favorite arch villain, Satan.
Well I guess that’s understandable
I’ve seen it a million times, and even in myself
Because once a soul culminates…and it’s direction changes upon the Wheel,
It gets a glimpse of the Light that it came from..
Back there in the distance….
And really every prior experience pales in comparison to that….
So you figure that’s Good,
as compared to being mired in the drama of life….
which of course in the same logic…must be bad.

OK, now we are getting down to it. 
Good/ Bad…..
Yick! and YUMMM! (formerly Yin and Yang)
This is the sacred path to Culmination..
And yes, it’s full of Drama….
And all kinds of wild and crazy stuff….
But that’s OK,
It’s the way it is….
But once culmination is Reached,
and the soul turns it’s eyes back upon the path it has traveled up
for these millennium….
We’ll call this the “Path to Oneness”
The duality begins to loosen it’s grip..
BUT, every single thing we have judged throughout those millennium
In some dualistic fashion…
We must face on the road back…
But now it is no longer desire and fear that is pushing us along.
Rather it is a Love,
That makes the “Good and the Bad”…the same.
Now an interesting thing is that all these things that we have judged in a dualistic fashion for these long ages…gets “stored” in physical positions in our bodies. A trauma of being hit on our arm, and it hurting…
Placed a judgment of “bad” upon the experience…
And that judgment planted the trauma energetically within us.
OK, I’m gonna tell you something that’s at the roots of how Karma works…
It’s about energy…my friends.
A thought of “bad” upon a thing…a feeling of “bad” placed upon a thing…..
Puts a negative energetic charge upon it. The things we desire we place a positive charge..  If the scientists haven’t proven this yet, they will very soon.
So we have basically totally embedded all these judgments within our bodies…with positive and negative charges attached to them.
And all those things that we have placed a negative judgment upon….
We suppress.
We don’t want to hear the neighbor scream at his wife…. We look away from the “bum” layin in the street. We tighten up our ears to the sound of the dang dog that never stops barking.   We suppress everything we don’t “Like”… And here is the clencher…. We have these negative charged things that we suppress….. and how do we suppress. Not only do we refuse to see, or hear…or feel certain things….. but we take it one step further, to the point of “removing our breath” from these things.
OK, here comes a heavy Esoteric Truth.
We maintain the energy we allow something…
With our breath
We suppress by not only withholding sight, sound and feelings….but by withholding our Breath from those things we have suppressed.
AND, the flip side is that when we see something we desire….
Our pupils actually dilate..
Our hearing actually gets better and our sense of feel is Heightened.
And we breath into what we desire.
For a lot of my life I barely breathed
Because there was so much I didn’t want to see, or feel or hear….
I actually went to the Doctor when I was maybe 13
Because I was always fainting, or feeling faint.
Our wise old Doctor Williams walked in the room and sat down….
Not saying anything much for a few minutes…
Then he said,” Jeffrey, we’ve been in here about 5 minutes…
in that time I’ve only seen you inhale once…
Breathe!, he said…
And as I say all kinds of these things become stored in almost every cubic inch of our bodies….
So what this means is that there are some areas of our body,,,
That we don’t allow our “breath” to go.
Now I realize this might sound like a weird concept…
But it’s one that if understood can bring one to perfect Health and Balance.
I’ll try to explain…
A person who has culminated is literally one huge body of negative and positive judgments.
And even though the soul has made it’s sacred statement through Culminating….
Has done nothing “wrong”.
Souls at this stage can be very unhealthy.
Here is an important point…
 Make a note
A perfectly culminated soul

Is not a perfected soul

Charles Manson and Adolph Hitler could have been perfectly culminating their sacred expressions.
In the Path to Culmination each soul has a unique and separate expression to make.
 And that expression could be totally radical…
but that is exactly the spot in the Web it was destined to fill.
So a culminated soul is this vast collection of judgments,
Held spatially within the persons aura…
Each hatred, fear, trauma, all stored energetically within the person.
So, the first time you were ever burned by fire, thousands of years ago…
It can still be stored in whatever body part was burned.
And for all these years we have suppressed that area…
Withheld our breath from that area.
And we have all these energetic judgments held within us, that we either breath too much into…or don’t breathe into at all. 
Guess what……
 that will be what motivates pain and dis ease in that area.
An energetic Imbalance based within dualistic judgments.
The fact is, even when we just have a misc. injury,
Someone throws a ball at our head….OUCH
The crazy thing is that what lies behind the pain
What sustains it….
Is past judgments.
Now let’s be real clear here…
This isn’t like a punishment for being a judgmental person.
You have no choice..
The road to Culmination is built upon dualistic judgments
It’s just the Way…
But it’s also at the heart of all human pain and suffering.
So what’s the solution….?
How do we get beyond all that Pain and suffering?
Rule #1.  It’s Not about seeking “good” and shunning “bad… he he
Rule # 2. Meditate….. Be silent
Rule #3. Cease Judging  (cool it with the Yic and Yum)
Rule #4. Breathe into ALL of IT…. Quietly… and deeply
Rule # 5. Love it All

Pretty simple Huh….
Yeah Right….I wish…

OH, and here’s the Sequel for you 2012 folks to ponder…
OK, as we left off from our story, all the souls were replicating outward.  There was this huge Ball of all the souls,
with all the pieces connected by this golden cord
and individually held in place within the whole.
And the first souls that had replicated, and that had culminated….and started pushing up against their neighbors who had also grown to fill their allotted spots…..
After a while they start to merge…
and you have this huge outwardly expanding/replicating ball of interconnected lights….
with the ones in the center merging together into one Light.
So it’s like a Sun, with a very condensed center.
 (of the souls that had merged together.)
OK, well now here is the wild and crazy thing I never would have suspected…..
There is a limit to how far this “God” can expand..
There is a point when the whole Culminates…
When God Fills His Allotted Space…
And what happens then is that instead of expanding outwardly…
Instead of freely replicating across empty space…suddenly there is a Wall.
An end to the outward replication.
And what happens then is that the replications turn back within the whole….
It’s not possible for them to stop doing that just because God hit the Wall so to Speak.
Now the inward replication puts a pressure on the whole web…and everything starts being pushed together from the outside….
Not just the gradual expansion any more
Because now the web is being compressed.
On one level you could say that the Light intensity of the whole is being amplified…compressed.
  God is reaching a point of “critical mass” .
What people are calling the “Quickening” is a result of this Pressure of Light.
Well the replicating keeps going on, and this “quickens” the Culmination…. and the “Path to Oneness”.
And all of a sudden this whole Body of Lights merges into One Thing….. One Body of Light.
And suddenly in the Darkness,
 seemingly from out of nowhere
(but really from out of Everything that was the Life before),
 appears one Lighted thing…..