So today we're taking another step to see where God leads us regarding adoption. Our hearts are full of hope that we can soon adopt a little girl from Africa. We're praying for clarification on where and obviously when since the provision can only come from Him. Very exciting, but so hard to see with our own eyes.
"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

It's been a difficult last few days. I've been anxious and nervously looking all around me for some sense of direction. Then, yesterday, as I was driving home, I passed a car on the road. On the front license plate it read "God has a plan for you." Wow. Thank you Lord for reminding me that you are faithful. I'm still uncertain about where we're headed...but I'm hopeful that it's going to be even better than where we are now.

"For He who promised is faithful."

It's been a tough week full of fear and doubt, but today I feel encouraged. I heard someone say this week that you shouldn't "hope." The scripture is true that "hope deferred makes the heart grow sick," but I can't imagine living life without hope. Maybe it's self protection, maybe it's denial. All I needed to do was look at our little Ean and remember all that God has done for us. This photo really spoke to me today...
Adoption is heavy on our hearts this season. Odd, given that from the world's perspective we are unequipped to proceed given our job situation. However, we know that if it's in God's plan that He will lead us. For now, we pray for guidance.
Carlos and I met at a Millenium New Years party (Dec 1999). I enjoyed hearing about his recent trip to Kosova. In the summer of 1999, I visited Albania to help Kosovar refugees. It was a life changing experience. In fact, I wanted so much to go back that December to deliver Christmas gifts and see the families now that they had returned to rebuild their lives in Kosova. God didn't open the door for me to go, but I experienced an amazing connection with those on the trip as I prayed here in TN. So, when my friend Connie (who went on the both the summer and Dec trip) introduced me to Carlos, I was very excited to hear about his journey.

Carlos sent me an email a few weeks later saying that he wanted to get to know me, so we "courted" via email for a few weeks and had our first official date on Valentine's Day....and our journey began....We had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, and the summer of 2003 Carlos asked me to marry him. We were married September 26, 2003.

The Lord brought us through many challenges from Carlos' career struggles to my own troubles at work. Looking back, we can see how faithful He was to bring us through each season step-by-step. Of course, during those times, we had a lot of tears and concerns about our future.

Finally, the summer of 2007 Carlos received great news about a new job that would finally bring our family financial stability in order for us to start a family. In November, we found out we were pregnant. We were scared and excited. Only a few weeks later, we started to experience complications. Our pregnancy was not the joyous time we had hoped for and at 31 weeks our son Ean was born. We were in shock, and instantly went into autopilot to manage our own fears and be there for our son in NICU.

I can recount the sounds, smells, and feelings of NICU at any piont of any day. It was the most difficult season I've ever experienced. I felt helpless and ashamed that I'd not been able to protect our son. With the constant sirens of alarms indicating that he had stopped breathing, I prayed with greater fervor in hopes that somehow God would save him. A few short days after he was born, we were told that Ean had blood in his brain and a hole in his heart. All Carlos and I could do was cry and pray. With the love and support of friends and most importantly Christ, we were sustained. Ean slowly made progress and we learned that the blood was dissipating and the hole in his heart closed. Yet, it still seemed like the impossible for him to learn all he needed to go home. Basic skills like sucking and swallowing needed to be learned as well as knowing when to breath.

At last, we were able to bring Ean home - but Carlos and I were so frightened. He was so small and fragile, and we had to learn how to use a heart monitor as well as administer several medications to him. Oddly, we wanted to stay at the hospital where we felt safe and secure.....

Looking back on those days, we wonder how we had the strength to make it through. It certainly took its toll on us individually and as a family. Yet, we find ourselves in a season once again of fully letting go and letting God. We are all like children...learning to accept the Father's embrace, reassurance, and acceptance. We look forward to see all that God will do in our family.

Today is the begining of new things for our family as God leads us on this journey.
It seems like the perfect time to share all that He's done in our
lives...and so our story begins.